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Own Fault.

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by Gem_Gem, Dec 31, 2009.

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  1. Gem_Gem

    Gem_Gem Well-Known Member

    couple of months ago my so called 'mate' sexually assulted me while he was drunk which I still blame myself for I should have seen it coming by the way he was acting.

    Because I blamed myself I didn't want to ruin is life by reporting him so I did nothing. But then he did it again to me whilst he was sober and started threatning me saying if I even told anyone he would make sure I never spoke again.

    I still never have told anyone ... but then day before yesterday night I was over all his threatning texts and being too scared to leave my house and because I was completly isolated as I couldn't hang out with my mates cause he would be there I decided to get the police involved.

    Biggest friken mistake of my life, I was walking to the police station and he drove past with 3 gang members from the gang he is in and they started walking with me. I was so scared I didn't know whether to keep heading towards to the police station so I could scream for help or to just walk somewhere else.

    I kept going to the police station and I think he firgured out where I was going, they draged me back to his car and 2 of them raped me and the other one kept punching me everytime I tried to get away.

    I am so worthless that I let people treat me like this.

    Yesterday afternoon I tried to OD but failed. I can't even get that fuken right. Shows I deserve what happens to me.

    I have no one ... my family are away for 3 weeks and are Angry at me for ringing them while they were away. I can't do anything right.

    I am way to scared to even attempt to report him or his gang member friends now as he is apart of this big gang who the police do shit all to stop them from doing what they like as they are just as scared of them.

    I'm sorry if this offended anyone. I just want it all to end.
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 31, 2009
  2. Colourful

    Colourful Well-Known Member

    Hey, I'm so sorry to hear you tried to OD :( are you okay now?

    Did you go to see your councellor?

    You're not alone in this, we're all here to listen and help as best as we can.
  3. cownes

    cownes Well-Known Member

    :hug: hun please go to the police, they dont deserve to get away with this, i hope ur ok :/ u no where i am if u need to talk, keep posting :hug: is there anywa you could report the crimes without the police having to no it was u reporting it??
  4. Gem_Gem

    Gem_Gem Well-Known Member

    Yea I saw my psychiatrist but she made things worse. She pretty much just lectured me about trying to OD, and then sent me to the hospital to be put on a drip because apparently I was dehydrated. So yea she wasn't really any help.
  5. Gem_Gem

    Gem_Gem Well-Known Member


    I'm to scared to go to the police now, I can barely leave the house and everytime someone knocks on the door I have a major panic attack.

    I can't live like this anymore.
  6. Colourful

    Colourful Well-Known Member

    So did you tell her about the other incidents or just the OD?

    I'm sure the reason why she 'lectured' you is because she cares and wants you to realise that's not the way..
  7. Gem_Gem

    Gem_Gem Well-Known Member

    Just the OD. I'm to scared to tell her the rest.

    I doubt it. But if it was it just made me feel worse and to know to try harder next time.
  8. friendless

    friendless Well-Known Member

    My first response is to give the cops a full list of names, addresses, numbers and info on the crimes they've committed but that may not be wise with your family gone because the gang could retaliate. Is there an equivalent to a witness protection program or a safe house there in NZ? I would say do your best to contact your family and tell them what's happening and if they're mad that you called, to be rather blunt fuck em and go directly to the cops, do what the cops say and be careful answering the phone or the door. Try to get into a safe house. Keep in contact with us so we know you're ok.
  9. Gem_Gem

    Gem_Gem Well-Known Member

    I did go to the cops. Not to tell them what they did to me... but just to report all the threatning texts I was getting, and they said the couldn't do much because they couldn't prove which gang member it was coming from or some shit. They just said they would get a cop to drive near my house every now and then to make sure there is nothing going on. Doesn't really make me feel much safer.
  10. cownes

    cownes Well-Known Member

    maybe u could try writing down what they have done to you, and give it to the cops, they will protect you then, its there duty to, do you have any bruises still from when the one member kept hitting you, as it is important to report it while there still there, rahter than regretting you hadnt reported it while u still had any marks, just a thought hun, hope ur ok :hug:
  11. Gem_Gem

    Gem_Gem Well-Known Member

    I'm too scared to, I know I am so selfish for not because what if this happens to someone else ... what if it already has...

    I am so pathetic for not reporting them... but I just can't.

    The police rang my family anyway and they are coming home tomorrow. But then leaving again on Thursday.
  12. cownes

    cownes Well-Known Member

    :O why did the police ring ur family?? ur not being selfish hun, you scared which in understandable, i jsut dont want you to regret not reproting it, if u still have 'evidence' so to speak :hug:
  13. Gem_Gem

    Gem_Gem Well-Known Member

    Because they were concernd for my safety .... and state of mind or something stupid like that.

    My family are only going to be angry that they were made to come home. I wish I could convince them to not.
  14. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    OMG Gem_gem that is just horrible! What a monster! You've got to go to the police, call them and let them know what happened and that you're scared to get out because they attacked you before...

    that guy is deranged, and needs to go to jail...he's not going to stop and he's probably going to do it to others...they need to be arrested and taken off the street...

    I know this must be very scary and hard for you right now, but can't you tell family members? at least one person so this person can accompany you for a while to make sure your not left alone so he wont try and do stuff to you...

    is there a store with guns? Because I think you can get a pepper spray so if they try and do something, you just spray the basterds...I wish I lived closer to you so I could help you out...I really feel for you and I'm just enraged that he would dare hurt you like that and think he's going to get away with it...

    if you need to talk PLEASE DONT HESITATE, I want to hear from you....

    you are such a brave person, please dont give up, you deserve to be treated with respect and love....
  15. Gem_Gem

    Gem_Gem Well-Known Member

    I know I need to tell the police what he did ..... Just the thought makes me sick thoe. I wish I was as brave as you think I am... I am really not thoe and can't live like this for much longer.

    I can't talk anyone in my family .... My family hate me so much, with good right I am such a horrible daughter and they have a right to be ashamed of me and leave me behind while they go on holiday.

    Nah I don't think there is a gun store in my town .. it's a really small town.

    Thanks for taking the time to reply :hug:
  16. friendless

    friendless Well-Known Member

    I agree with living in my own world.

    If you don't stop this creep now when you have the chance it could escalate and just keep getting worse. He could become more violent and there are so many ways it could get worse.

    I don't know if I agree with getting pepper spray since this guy has goons to do his bidding. They could just overpower you and use it against you.

    I say the best bet is to get physical evidence - see a physician and have them take photos of black eyes and bruises and document that you had been sexually assaulted. Keep any threatening messages this guy sent. Photos and a physician's testimony as well as the texts and any other damning evidence would make a strong case against this guy in court. I doubt the cops would fear this psycho once he's behind bars and they have a way to put and keep him there but you do have to make a strong case against him in order to do so. Once you have evidence then go to the cops. Ask them about a safe house or a witness protection program since your life has been threatened.

    Please keep posting to keep us updated so we know you're OK. Believe me that it isn't your fault and you are worth saving. This guy's a scum bag and it isn't your fault that he's a scum bag so stop blaming yourself.
  17. Gem_Gem

    Gem_Gem Well-Known Member

    I reported him ......

    I don't know if it is a good or bad thing.

    I just don't want him to get away with it .... and if I... end my life I want to at least know he will be punished for what he did.
  18. cownes

    cownes Well-Known Member

    Gem_Gem, im so proud of u hun, u cant let him ge away with this, and u have done the hard part now by reporting him, so glad u have, do u feel any sense of relief for reporting him?? that u may be stopping it happening to another person :hug: u reall are an amaazing person :)
  19. Gem_Gem

    Gem_Gem Well-Known Member

    Relief is one way of putting it. I duno how I feel about it, I am just glad that the police know about it and hopefully he wont get away with it. Trust me I am not that amazing. :hug:
  20. cownes

    cownes Well-Known Member

    you are hun, give urself a break, u did the most amazing thing, so many people suffer in silence, by that i dont mean ur not suffering, but u hve made the steps forward to stopping it from happening to others, im so glad you have :hug:
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