I'm 28 and have been depressed since I was about 10. I've been seeing a psychiatrist for the past 3 years and things are getting progressively worse. 4-5 years ago I had a job, went to work everyday, worked out...now most days I can barely get myself out of bed. I have horrible body/bone/joint aches and have had some sort of respatory infection for 3 months. I've always had insomnia but now sleep is impossible bc I cough for hours on end and my body aches. I used to be anorexic/over exercise...tried to do what I thought was recovery but ended up just binging and becoming overweight...this is still going on and just seems so hard to manage and is terrible for my diabetes. I am supposed to working for my dad but I rarely go in bc I can't sleep and just can't function. Just the simplest task are so impossible and every moment of my life is painful, physically and mentally. It seems like suicide is the only way out. My parents want to check me into an expensive treatment program...but I've been to places before and I just wind up failing...I don't want them to waste such a large amount of money on me. Also 3.5 months ago I broke up with my then boyfriend and I don't think I'll ever stop hating myself for it and the way I acted during the relationship...I was so paranoid and messed up...like I'm sure I hurt him and I bet he tells people what a psychotic bitch I was. I can't stop thinking about this. Like it haunts me.