I was in a serious car accident about for months ago, I was hit by a lady who wasn't paying attention on the highway while stopped at a car accident. I was hit at over 100 kms and injured myself a lot. I was hurt very bad and unable to take care of myself. My fiancé had to take care of me. He was in the vehicle and unhurt. I have not been able to return to work and my doctor has told me it won't be until after my wedding in the fall of this year. They put me on an anti seizure drug after the accident and it caused me to lose a lot of hair and become very ill. I quit taking the drug about 3-4 weeks ago and have been so depressed since. I am angry at myself for still being hurt when my fiancé is fine, I am angry at the lady who hit me, at my doctors, at the insurance companies for making me fight for my wages and money for treatment. I cry a lot and replay the accident and what I could have done to prevent it. But lately it has gotten worse, to the point in don't sleep because of the pain and I feel so lonley and that no one understands what I am going through. I also feel angry that I am so weak and I feel so depressed, I started having thoughts about driving my car into a tree to just end all the fighting and pain, then it progressed to wanting to take my painkillers to end everything. I started by trying 5, then 10 when I was upset. Today i had a really big fight with my fiancé and decided to take 50 he caught me and made me stop and hid all my pills and got very angry at me. I feel so helpless and worthless, I have tried emailing mental health people in my area but I am to embarrassed to call. I have a doctors appointment tomorrow and my fiancé claims he wants to tell my doctor but I am so afriad they will put me on drugs and so embarrassed I feel this weak. I don't know what I am really looking for here, guess I just feel so alone and afraid my fiancé will leave me now that he knows how weak I am. Sorry this is all run together I only have internet on my phone.