pain and feelings of helplessness

I was in a serious car accident about for months ago, I was hit by a lady who wasn't paying attention on the highway while stopped at a car accident. I was hit at over 100 kms and injured myself a lot. I was hurt very bad and unable to take care of myself. My fiancé had to take care of me. He was in the vehicle and unhurt. I have not been able to return to work and my doctor has told me it won't be until after my wedding in the fall of this year.
They put me on an anti seizure drug after the accident and it caused me to lose a lot of hair and become very ill. I quit taking the drug about 3-4 weeks ago and have been so depressed since. I am angry at myself for still being hurt when my fiancé is fine, I am angry at the lady who hit me, at my doctors, at the insurance companies for making me fight for my wages and money for treatment. I cry a lot and replay the accident and what I could have done to prevent it. But lately it has gotten worse, to the point in don't sleep because of the pain and I feel so lonley and that no one understands what I am going through. I also feel angry that I am so weak and I feel so depressed, I started having thoughts about driving my car into a tree to just end all the fighting and pain, then it progressed to wanting to take my painkillers to end everything. I started by trying 5, then 10 when I was upset.
Today i had a really big fight with my fiancé and decided to take 50 he caught me and made me stop and hid all my pills and got very angry at me. I feel so helpless and worthless, I have tried emailing mental health people in my area but I am to embarrassed to call. I have a doctors appointment tomorrow and my fiancé claims he wants to tell my doctor but I am so afriad they will put me on drugs and so embarrassed I feel this weak. I don't know what I am really looking for here, guess I just feel so alone and afraid my fiancé will leave me now that he knows how weak I am. Sorry this is all run together I only have internet on my phone.

 

Sounds to me that he loves you..Are you getting any physical therapy??That ladies insurance should pay for it..You need to go in front of a judge to get your finances in order.. She hit you so she is responsible.. Don't argue with the insurance companies.. Get a lawyer and let him fight for your rights..

 

I currently take physio 2 times a week and ims and massage therapy once a week. Recently I went in and they told me the insurance companies have cut me off and I had to start paying almost 2k a month for my treatment. I did see a lawyer but no one seems to answer my questions and just seem more worried for me to sign over a percentage of my settlement. They replaced me at work and I'm worried I won't get my job back. I know I need to look for a good lawyer but I feel overwhelmed. I live 40 min from the closest town and an hour from the closest city and my doctor told me not to drive since the accident and my fiancé has already lost tons of business because he wasn't able to work for months after the accident to take care of me. I know he loves me but I also know I am an awful person to be around lately and that I scare him the way I feel. I feel like my life is ruined and I will never feel happy and pain free again.

 

Hello alynne1113,

I understand your current situation, I would recommend you to tell your doctor exactly how you feel, your doctor wants to help you and will help you. I would also recommend you visit a psychologist as you need to have someone you can trust and you can share.

You say you quit taking the medicine, was this after following your doctor recommendation?
It is absolutely normal for you to be angry with the lady, but being angry with yourself? The lady was obviously not in her car, she was thinking of something else - its her fault and only her fault - you couldn't really do anything to avoid this. The insurance companies should pay your expenses, and if they don't i recommend going to a lawyer.

I don't think your fiancé is even thinking of leaving, he cares about you a lot as you have described and he wants you to be there.

 

Yes I stopped at my doctors orders but I didn't slowly get off it like he suggested I cut it out Cold turkey. I wasn't taking the dose he recommended because at 1/4 of the dose I was already so ill I could barely function. It was lyrica and I seemed to get every bad side effect you can, so he put me on high dose painfillers and muscle relaxants but don't seem to help much and make me so plugged up that I can't sleep because my stomach is so uncomfortable. I know I have to tell my doctor but I'm just so scared. My fiancé says he will be coming in with me and telling the doctor if I don't, because I seem to freeze whenever I try and explain how I feel.

 

Ok, these kind of medicine you should never cut them like that, they need to slowly be reduced and then cut - however its done now so we have to accept the fact.

I have faith in you that you can talk to your doctor - what you can do to feel less stressed/frightened is take a piece of paper and write down what you want to tell your doctor and then tomorrow you can just read through this paper or even just give the paper to your doctor. Is this something you think you can do?

 

Thanks I told my doc today and he gave me some sleeping pills because only sleeping a couple hours here and there is not helping me heal

 

I am very happy to hear this, the pills will help you with your sleep - sleep is a very important thing in your life.