Pain and no one is really listening

http://www.iupui.edu/~j21099/forms/newspapers/belowheadline.html

If you look at the picture the humvee to the left of the tower is mine. This was the morning after. I found this picture the other day. No one is listening. I was there picking up bits of my friends that were covered in sand for no good reason. And I wasn't one of them because I was playing on a sand dune. I see them in my sleep. I think about it when I don't want to. I can't relax. I can't make my life work. I wish I would have died with them. I was there for a week guarding that scene. I have this voice in my head telling me I should die. When I came back, my parents didn't say hello and weren't happy to see me, they just said that I did what I signed up to do. I don't talk to them anymore. I have no job. I just can't seem to make anything work in my life. It's like it just isn't meant to be.

 

Let me get this straight. You were a front line soldier?

 

I would not allow my children to take part in this "war" for oil, but I too suffer from PTSD after having found my own child passed. The nightly nightmares are non stop, I just woke this morning from one, in fact. I carry on to protect my remaining two boys and to honor those (my one) who have left us. Have you checked with the VA for assistance and support for what you're experiencing? They are expert on that and they take it very seriously.

 

I am going to the va and they are not listening to me. When I went there in 2006 the guy yelled and screamed at me and accused me of trying to get money. I am hesitant to talk to these people now. But when I go in to the doctor now they insist i am depressed and keep throwing meds at me but dont seem to listen to what i have to say and i dont feel like i can be open with them about what i really think. if any of this makes sense.

 

This was a training accident and I was a translator in Kuwait on the Iraqi border in 2001.

 

You need to be persistent in asking for a therapist. Someone who is trained to listen, to maybe help you see that these friends signed up and unfortunately lost lives, but it is the risk in that role.

I'm being honest, doctors like throwing meds but they don't always work. Depression can hit anyone for any reason, I think its more likely to be PTSD, as its affecting you this much.

Pm me anytime, I'll try to help where I can

 

Dealing with the public assisted sector (including VA) will almost always result in throwing pills your way. Therapy is more of a luxury as the government rather just work within the medication world with the drug manufacturers that are part of the same system, so to speak. Do you have private insurance? You might try seeking out a therapist that specializes in military related PTSD.