pain is stronger

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by White Dove, Jul 2, 2007.

  1. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    This pain is getting stronger and stronger....

    Why give me this much pain? why hurt me this much?

    How can you? how can you call yourself a christian and just walk out of my life?? you hurt me more by doing that then you could ever have known...

    you have no feeling for me at alll. you are cold and heartless... you put more hurt upon me then i have ever put on you..

    I just have to get this all off my chest cause this pain and anger and hurt is killing me inside. killing me with a slow death. killing me with a force i can not stop... and you could care less...

    i trusted you. my God did i ever trust you so much. I trusted you and your wife would not hurt me.. i trusted that you both cared and i was stupid. that is what it was. i was so stupid and you are laughing it off. you are sitting their laughing at me while i am in pain. while i am hurting because of you both...

    This is a real pain and a real hurt and you go on and think otherwise. go on and pretend in your little world that it is nothing.. go on and believe that you did right. go on and believe that your way is Gods way and while you are at it go on and shoot them other darts at my heart cause the longer you ignore me the easier it is for me to go through with my plans and carry out my intentions.

    you lied to me. when i asked you why you love me or how you could love me and you both said we do love you. IT WAS A LIE... YOU NEVER LOVED ME... YOU LIE ... AND YOU KNOW YOU LIED TO ME.... you know that you had no intentions of ever loving me. none at all.

    you took advantage of me.. YOU BOTH TOOK ADVANTAGE OF ME... sure you let me spend the night one night but you did it only to trick mee into believing you really did care but you did it because of your image as a christian with the church.. it was YOUR IMAGE THAT YOU CARED ABOUT AND NOTHING ABOUT ME... you cared for yourself and only yourself.. you did not care about me...

    i remember now.. i remember asking for food and the men of the congregation calling me and they tell me to leave you and your wife alone, not one word was said about the food i so desperatly needed that time. i FINALLY REMEMBER THIS AND IT HURTS CAUSE YOU CARED ONLY FOR YOURSELF AND YOU WERE SELFISH YOU DIDNT CARE I HAD NOTHING TO EAT YOU ONLY WANTED ME TO LEAVE YOU ALONE. WELL I AM LEAVING YOU ALONE. I AM LEAVING THIS HEARTLESS WORLD OF PEOPLE WHO TRY AND PRTETEND TO BE SOMETHING THEY ARE NOT....

    You are not a christian and neither is your wife... Christans do not cause pain to be upon another person. You knew how i felt about you both.. you both knew i loved you like my own family.. but no you could not handel it.. you had to get away from me.... and you was so scared to even come to my face that you had the men of the congregationj tell me to back off. why didnt you tell me yourselves? Because you are cold and you are heartless and i now hate you... i hate what you did to me.. i hate myself for being so stupid to trust in you both and if you did come by i would probably hit you or worse... i am so angry and so hurt right now. it is an unbelieable pain i have and you inflicted more into it.. i hope someday you read these words after i have passed. i hope my face haunts you every night because you put me here.... You and your wife never loved me at all......

    you meant the world to me but not anymore.... you caused to many tears for me... then you go on and say you cared for me yet you left me crying and thought nothing of my pain.. my true physical and emotional pain... i dont want you anymore... i dont want you AND YOUR PRETEND LOVE ANYMORE... YOU WILL NOT STOP ME WITH YOUR PRETEND LOVE ANYMORE....

    God i could just scream... But God will repay what you have done to me.. he will repay you in time..,. he knowes that it was you and this cancer that drove me here and he will repay.. vengence is mine saith the Lord and he will repay...

    he has seen my cries.. he seen my hurt that you left upon my heart.. he has seen all my tears... he has allowed this cancer to take me away from the emotional pain...

    you are cold... you are heartless and you are cruel... saying you love me then really dont... walking into my life then JUST WALKING OUT WITHOUT KNOWING OR CARING FOR ME OR MY FEELINGS.. HOW COULD YOU....? HOW CAN YOU CALL YOURSELF CHRISTIANS....? YOU ARENT A CHRISTIAN YOU NEVER WERE . YOU ARE LIARS.... AND I FEEL SORRY FOR THOSE YOU HAVE YET TO HURT... YOU HURT ME.. YOU BOTH HURT ME... God i hate what you have done to me..... I hate trusting in you...

    I DO NOT WANT YOUR PRETEND LOVE ANYMORE OR THAT OF YOUR WIFE....

    I DO NOT WANT THE PRETEND CARE AND CONCERN OF THOSE SO CALLERD FRIENDS ON CF AND CC... You are also cold and heartless. you did not care for me.. you never did nor was you never a friend to me... you cant understand this pain and you go on and pretend it is fun to make fun of me to give me a fun icon that was a joke to you. God that hurt me.. it hurt with a force that pushed all the right buttons. thank you.. thank you for pushing me over the top.. it was what i needed.

    God i know this is a long vent but i got to get this anger and hurt out of me before i scream..... i am sick and tired of this pretend friends... God i thought they were my friends but i found out you are just pretending... the only true people who can feel my pain and knows my pain is here on SF . at least these here are my friends you all were not.. never was...

    God you put the fun icon to make fun of me , calling me a whore... you have no idea the damage you did to me with that... I hate you for thast.. i hate the laughs . you will see me in the obit and god i hope you know you did it... you pushed all the right buttons for me... Go on and laugh , go on and talk about me. I DONT CARE ANYMORE CAUSE I AM A PIEAC OF CRAP THAT WALKS UPON THIS EARTH IN A LIVING HELL.....
     
  2. My "Christian" father use to shout at me and threaten me that "I would burn in hell for all of eternity" for things like not cleaning my room well enough, etc. He told me some really horrible evil stuff which would be done to me in hell too, it hurt me so much when I lived with him when I was younger.
     
  3. liveinhope

    liveinhope Well-Known Member

    A lot of pain and anger in this thread, im so sorry you are hurting so much , I have not been with SF for that long but you are right in what you say about people here being your true friends, they wont hurt you you can trust them and me. I hope you manage to get a little rest and venting your feelings has released a tiny bit of all those pent up feelings, you are probably going to feel like crap when you wake up so come back to SF ill try and log in later if i can its difficult at home as my family dont know about the forum so if i dont get there its not becouse i dont care its becouse i cant, there will be others to talk to you to though so dont go this alone take care hun
    Dawn
     
  4. expressive_child

    expressive_child Well-Known Member

    Hey White Dove...

    I hope you will feel better soon. Those bastards in my opinion does not deserve anything from you, not a little love from God, not from anyone at all. They can go to church and act like good people but only assholes like them think they can deceive God! Its true, they will suffer eventually and I hope they will rot in hell for all that they do to you! Yes, I know its really hard not to feel bad when someone do something like that, but they are not your family, they are not even human beings in my opinion and shouldn't be seen in a same room with swines! If there is anything they deserve, there is one thing; to suffer at least a million times of your pain! Yes, people like them never should have existed in the first place!

    Though we know those so called Christians never loved you, one thing you can be sure; we, all of us in SF love you whether we are Christians or not and we will always be there for you whenever you need. All of us here love you and wants you to be happy. I understand why are you so angry with those bastards and I would've just as bad if I am you. Please, be free to write as long as you feel like writing to me or posting in the forum. I will always be there to listen, this, you can count on me. As I am reading this, I only wish I can be there with you to talk about it. Since it is not possible, please feel free to express yourself. I am here to listen to you anytime ^_^

    I hope you can try your best to cheer up, life is too short to feel sad. I will be happy for you, long as you are feeling better too. You are right, their love for you is untrue and you know, we know, God knows it. I bet they, and everyone else who've cause you pain are gonna pay for all they did, and I mean everything they have done! Once again, I would like to let you know you are free to say everything you wanna, and we are here for you and we all love you. And remember this; you are important, and your presence here in SF means a lot to me and everyone here!