I haven't cut for over a week and I REALLY want to now. I can't not cut. Why should I not cut? It helps me, it understands me when nobody else does. In my darkest hours I feel so alone. The only things that help me are suicide and self injury. People say that they care, but they don't. I'm worthless. I'd rather be dead than alive. Suicide doesn't scare me, LIFE DOES. I don't want to live this lie. Putting on a face to hide the depression. I hate this. I've been in therapy for three years, spent eight months in hospital (part of the time I was detained under the mental health act) and I've been on medication for three years. Nothing works, nothing helps. This is how messed up I am - I sit searching for pictures of Intensive care units because I dream about taking an OD and going to the ICU. I'm obsessed with it. It's my dream, my goal. Why can't I move on? Why does this consume my thoughts? I hate myself. I hate my life. I want to die so much. It hurts.