pain, reality.

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by plates, Nov 4, 2010.

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  1. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    my pain, death, suffering isn't real to anyone around me.
    i was talking to my therapist about something i wanted to do which is about numbing pain. thing is, i often forget to tell or remember because staying with the feeling means possible death.
     
  2. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    you're very real to me s, because i see you. you're honest and harsh, that's why nobody comes near you. it's better to be alone, others bullshit nearly killed you. you know what dying involves and you know what preparation means. your words are all you need. you never had anything/anybody else and you're used to it. people are cold and your death would mean nothing to them. your pain means nothing either because your life just will go on forever: you "will get through it," while your cries are minimised, interpreted from their filth.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 4, 2010
  3. dav

    dav Active Member

    Plates, I understand how you feel. During the worst crisis in my life, pain worse than anything I imagined, my whole family acted as if it were all about them. What I needed and wanted was secondary to their own reactions to it. Sometimes people who are supposed to care can't handle the level of despair on you and run away when they shouldn't.

    There are a few people here who can understand you though because we know that despair ourselves. That is enough that we care what happens to you. Tell me about what's going on with you.
     
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    i am sorry you feel so alone with the depth of your pain and sadness I hope you can talk here let it out so others can help you We understand and we do not judge you okay. we CARE
     
  5. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    thank you for your words. it means more than you know. this is exactly what happens to me.

    what's going on with me is fluctuating at the moment. at the moment i'm just too tired to say much.

    violet- thank you too. i'm just fucking exhausted atm i've been sitting here crying for hours, slept in the day, feel shit and need to shower and sleep. your offer to listen and words mean the world to me. thanks.
     
  6. dav

    dav Active Member

    I hope tomorrow brings a more peaceful day to you, plates. A little sleep sounds good to me too.
     
  7. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Get a nice long hot shower let the dam tears continue to fall then rest up okay
    i will listen i care okay try to call your doc though okay let know what happening with you just in case.
     
  8. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    i don't feel any better. i took some medication last night but i woke up and am not well, although it doesn't show- i look great, which is deceiving. sometimes it's better to look how i feel; the incongruence over the last few months hasn't sat well with me.

    i appreciate the offer to talk about what's going on for me but it's too dangerous at the moment.
     
  9. Madam Mim

    Madam Mim Well-Known Member

    plates, I wish I knew what to say to make you feel better. I think I understand how you're feeling though, when you're drowning in pain and depair, and don't know how to ask for help. When all you want is for someone to see and know how to make you feel better.

    Try to tell your therapist what's going on. If you can't make yourself say the words out loud or don't know how to articulate it, try writing it down, perhaps at the moment when the feeling is at its worst, and give it to your therapist instead. Remember that they are there to help you, and that you deserve their help.

    Also remember that we understand here, and we do care about you. Even when you're feeling your worst, we're here for you.

    Mim
     
  10. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    thanks mim for your kindness. i've asked for help and reached out many times (+ told people what i've thought about their behaviour to get myself understood - some have told me is a waste of time with certain people) and have had myself treated abhorrently.

    my therapist is someone i've only known for a short time and letting her know this stuff can be a huge risk. so far so good, though. she seems to be someone i can trust and listens well and there's a good relationship going on.

    the only thing that makes me feel better is music and reading. my feelings about drugs well, it's a clear sign of the extent of pain i try and stay away from but i'm no where going to go near drug abuse because of what i've experienced with anorexia.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 5, 2010
  11. Madam Mim

    Madam Mim Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry that you've been treated so badly, but I'm glad that you have a good relationship with your therapist. I hope that you learn to trust her enough to speak openly with her, so she can help you with this.

    Definitely steer clear of the drugs; you know it's not a good way to go, just a slippery slope. Keep reading and playing that music if it helps, and try to take your mind off things as much as you can (easier said than done, I know). And keep posting here too; we're here for you.

    Mim
     
  12. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    thank you for your words and sincerity. i always appreciate people like yourself, you're fantastic :hug: i will do, reading plays for example, is giving me some great memories :D and i enjoy it thoroughly

    doesn't mean i'm not struggling with death and pain. i am, and death is always a possibility and not out of choice.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 5, 2010
  13. Madam Mim

    Madam Mim Well-Known Member

    Aw, thank you, that make me feel good, thanks.

    I totally understand that you are constantly plagued by this. I think that's something other people cannot understand, how these thoughts never leave us. But for as much time as you can, try to distract yourself and take whatever pleasure as you can from life. You deserve it.

    Mim
     
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