Pain relief addiction... I am in dangerous waters

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by ThePhantomLady, Feb 4, 2016.

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  1. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    I take a lot of pain relief daily (for actual chronic pain) but I'm tempted to alter my dosis...

    I daily take 6 paracetamol, 3 Ibuprofren (600mg) and 1 Tramadol retard. (100mg)... that's prescribed by the doctor for my severe pain and it doesn't cover it...

    I recently went to get my pills refilled and the pharmacy was about to give me the old prescription of tramadol, they are only 50mg and they only last for 6 hours... it turned out it's an old unused prescription left in the system... and I walked away without them...

    But it's been spying on my mind... When I first started on those at least 18 months ago they felt really good. I would get a bit dizzy and feel light... Of course the effect dwindled down...

    I just found a poem I wrote 2 years ago one of those evenings... it seemed to be a good feeling I had.

    I know I shouldn't. My doses are already very high for someone 'my age' as my doctors keep saying. And I'm being sent to learn to deal and live with my chronic pains... and accept that it's for life...

    As a teenager I got addicted to paracetamol, I would take 9 in one go every day... My heart would race, I'd feel numb and I've even fainted. It wasn't suicide attempts as such (though I did do that quite frequently since I was 9(yes nine) years old). I did that for 6 months and apparently it's a miracle I'm still alive.

    I contacted a youth radio show on a popular channel to get help get out of it... they put me on the air and it was so weird the next day in school... so many people discussed the 'girl with the pills'... luckily no one seemed to realize it was me.
    The radio show got a lot of comments about the interview, one of them were from a doctor who was very, very concerned about my health and advised me to go to my doctor; saying my liver could be suffering greatly.

    I didn't go to the doctor, but it 'scared me straight'.
    I went 'cold turkey' after that... and for so many years I didn't take any pills, not even if I had migrane or bad period cramps. When my back and hip started hurting bad I went for several months before seeing the doctor, and he had to persuade me to take pain relief...

    And here I am... tempted... F*ck.
  2. sofie

    sofie Banned Member

    I have similar temptations - prescriptions for klonopin and tramadol that I truly need to control true panic attacks and daily pain are also 'great' at giving people a high and sometimes the temptation to give in to that and take a little extra is very strong but I never do and you know why? because I NEED those medicines for their true use and it scares the CRAP out of me to think about having them. Consider for a bit how much your back and hip would hurt without those items and then consider if that pain is worth the short-term highs. For me, no way.
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  3. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    Thank you Sofie. You're right. I already have such bad pains despite of what I take now... so if I had to have it taken away... that's scary. That is truly scary!

    I always panic when I renew my prescriptions, fearing that my doctors decide that I'm "too young" to take them...

    The months before I saw a doctor were bad, I would lie curled up in bed because that relieved the pain just a tiny bit and I had to meditate and try to go into trances to escape... but even when I succeeded in floating away (somehow Bob Dylan and Joan Baez music helped that along)... it never lasted long enough.

    about a year ago I tried to stop taking my pills for 2 days, I wanted to donate blood while I worked at the hospital (and I wanted to make sure I did need the pills). That was hell. I had called the blood bank to ask if it was good enough that I stopped my pills for 2 days before and they said yes... when I showed up they sent me away and told me not to come back while I was prescribed these meds. I was so angry! They said it was for my sake, so I didn't have to do that to myself... but I had already done it!
  4. sofie

    sofie Banned Member

    I have similar fears every time I go to my doctor -- that something will make her take away my pain medicine, that somehow she will think I am misusing them even though I am never using them all up within the month...I attribute that thinking to the reality of my pain and acute anxiety attacks and how scary a thought it is to have to deal with those things without the medicines to help. In reality, my doctor knows and trusts me. She knows I use my medicine appropriately and do not abuse it so the chances of her yanking them from me are nil, but when you depend on medicine for some quality of life it is scary sh*t to contemplate not having access to that medicine!

    I am glad you thought about what your life would be like without pain management and that thought might help you when you are tempted again in the future. If we want to get better mentally, addiction is never the right choice.
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  5. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    If it's back pain, I suffer chronic back pain and found a Tens machine at least takes it down to a bearable level. You can get them on line or at a chemist.
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  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Painkiller addiction can happen to anyone, people in car crashes, people taking them for migraines, daily use for any type of ache. I went through a phase of being on codeine every single day and it was SO hard, I mean so so so hard to break the addiction. Your body is so used to the numbing that once you feel pain again it can be excruciating and extremely hard to not go for that pill but with will power and strength and out of concern for my health (even though I was in real pain) I just quit and I even asked for help here which helps but at the end of the day it was down to me to do the deed, cross the path into the dangerous waters and relieve myself of the painkillers. If I can do it so can you. My ex was addicted to oxycontin the whole time in our 2 and a half year relationship. It got him extremely high and I was blind I couldn't see what it was doing to him, he didn't get out of bed if he didn't have painkillers. my uncle in law has cancer and is also addicted to oxycontin, it's an extremely difficult road to come down but with the help of professionals and more importantly, willpower, you can do this.
    2 people like this.
  7. Robert Rowe

    Robert Rowe New Member

    Uncertain about precisely what you are seeking, before taking any medication or herbs you should consult with a physician. For more information or to become knowledgeable you can go through some great sites like MayoClinic etc ... also you can get a free e-book on pain relief here
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