Its been so long since i've been here, i thought that things had changed. You'd think moving away from everything that had hurt you for so many years would change things, but i'm certain now i'm mad, lonliness drives me insane i think. I feel like i'm hollow, like there isn't anything in me any more, but i know thats a lie too, because i know i need to change more, because making that space empty is not enough, it feels like i have to make the space fall in on itself, collapse on my heart, and break everything that is a part of me. It makes me giggle away in my head almost, how bad i feel, because i can't keep it in, and its so so much, it screams in my head, but i still feel like a shell. My head is telling me to rip myself apart piece by piece, then i can't be hollow, because there will be nothing to have emptiness inside it. Its easier to take apart my body than take apart my mind i guess, thats why i feel like i have to do something mad, i can't think right, i can't feel right, i feel like its all taking me, and that i should just have fun and give in to it all, give in to the pain. Lol, i can't even write straight, im trying to make sense, but it feels like each word comes faster after the last, and it just wants everything there, so i cant make it right, it just all comes out like a flood. I just want to be free.