"Pain"

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by DarkLordVader, Feb 1, 2014.

  1. DarkLordVader

    DarkLordVader Well-Known Member

    this song sums up pretty much my life...



    "Pain"

    Pain, without love
    Pain, I can't get enough
    Pain, I like it rough
    'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all

    You're sick of feeling numb
    You're not the only one
    I'll take you by the hand
    And I'll show you a world that you can understand
    This life is filled with hurt
    When happiness doesn't work
    Trust me and take my hand
    When the lights go out you will understand

    Pain, without love
    Pain, I can't get enough
    Pain, I like it rough
    'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all
    Pain, without love
    Pain, I can't get enough
    Pain, I like it rough
    'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all

    Anger and agony
    Are better than misery
    Trust me I've got a plan
    When the lights go off you will understand

    Pain, without love
    Pain, I can't get enough
    Pain, I like it rough
    'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all
    Pain, without love
    Pain, I can't get enough
    Pain, I like it rough
    'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing
    Rather feel pain

    I know (I know I know I know I know)
    That you're wounded
    You know (You know you know you know you know)
    That I'm here to save you
    You know (You know you know you know you know)
    I'm always here for you
    I know (I know I know I know I know)
    That you'll thank me later

    Pain, without love
    Pain, can't get enough
    Pain, I like it rough
    'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all
    Pain, without love
    Pain, I can't get enough
    Pain, I like it rough
    'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all
    Pain, without love
    Pain, I can't get enough
    Pain, I like it rough
    'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all
    Rather feel pain than nothing at all
    Rather feel pain
     
  2. lautanner

    lautanner Well-Known Member

    Darkness, I am still here. You are a substance abuser. You know it takes baby steps......
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 1, 2014
  3. lautanner

    lautanner Well-Known Member

    I am an atheist. I don't believe in God. I also don't believe in redemption. These are brass ring goals for happy people. Finding happiness when you are a genuinely unhappy person is like running on a treadmill. All I want for you is health. Just physical health right now. It sounds like a lot of people have moved away from you. That is what depression does. People become exhausted trying to help. You are not doing anything to anyone else, Darkness, only yourself. You hurt yourself everyday. You know you want the pain to stop. We all want your pain to stop, too. I'm not talking about hope and faith and blah blah, just getting in touch with reality.

    You can be strong.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 1, 2014
  4. DarkLordVader

    DarkLordVader Well-Known Member

    its sad to see a human being collapse into the dark pit of despair... listen to music i can remember as a very young boy being home all alone and crying for hours because of it... my older brother never stayed with me and my mom couldnt afford a babysitter... i was alone then and still alone 30+ years later... regardless of who was around, i was always alone... what on earth can anyone tell me that will change my mind? there isnt anything, i dont care how run down a person was and they changed.... obviously they were not that bad off.... they have inner strength that i dont want anymore, i turned into anger and vengeance... only revenge matters to me... making sure these scumbags burn in hell, while i watch... THAT is my destiny... lautanner you seem so nice... i am filled with the dark juice of hate... my darkness keeps telling me to reject you, push you so far away as to keep me in the place i am... right now 20% of me still has some control over my mind... but the other 80% is my darkness, slowly consuming me after every fit of rage, every verbal argument with my most cherished words that pierce the skin like a dagger.... my life has turned to shit and now i must endure it....
     
  5. lautanner

    lautanner Well-Known Member

    Darkness,
    I am not nice. I am human. My father left me when I was ten. My mother was institutionalized shortly afterwards and I was left in the care of my older brother. Instead of taking care of me, my brother physically and sexually assaulted me for years. I coped by self-harming. When I finally got out of the house to go to college, my life changed a little and I got a therapist. I hated her, went to another therapist and hated her too. I also feel like a slave to darkness. I feel like I WANT the darkness. I want revenge on my brother, my mother, all the people who have hurt me. You are NOT alone.

    You can keep self-medicating with drugs and alcohol if you choose to. I won't judge you for that. But the darkness wants to hurt you, it wants you to be unkind to yourself. I want to ask you.....if you found out that one of your children was drinking and abusing drugs to cope, what would you say to them?
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 1, 2014
  6. lautanner

    lautanner Well-Known Member

    You don't have to answer this question if you don't want to....but have you ever hurt yourself or attempted suicide?
     
  7. DarkLordVader

    DarkLordVader Well-Known Member


    i have hurt myself physically at times, smashing my fist against things and sometimes when i am really upset i have hit myself in the head with my hand.... i havent attempted suicide yet...

    i dont know what i would say to my kids... i am not much of a role model and cant stay clean...
     
  8. lautanner

    lautanner Well-Known Member

    You haven't attempted suicide yet.......do you have any idea the kind of strength that takes, Darkness??? After everything you have been through? Drugs of course are a slow suicide, and anger will also shorten your life.

    Do you want to get clean? If so, you need to do what it takes. I know what it's like to not want help. I was at a point where I didn't feel that the effort was worth it to get better. I needed a reason to stick around, I didn't have a reason to live or to get better. I still struggle with that. You have to want it. If you don't want to get better, just know that I am here to listen. I don't want to enable you, and you must get professional help, but I will not leave you, okay?

    You are a human being and as long as you treat me with respect I am here for you.
     
  9. DarkLordVader

    DarkLordVader Well-Known Member



    thank you for sticking by me.... your one of few who i think actually like me here, but not many anymore... i did it to myself...
     
  10. lautanner

    lautanner Well-Known Member

    Have you ever been to the substance abuse board??? I do like you, Darkness.
    You can undo this.
     
  11. lautanner

    lautanner Well-Known Member

    I see the way other people get offensive on you, Darkness. Keep in mind that there are many people here who were probably affected by loved ones who abused alcohol and drugs or they can't understand what it's like. You are not stupid, you know you need to get clean. Bur first you have to value yourself somehow.
     
  12. DarkLordVader

    DarkLordVader Well-Known Member

    i have been in and out of treatment since i was 19 years old... im 41 now...
     
  13. lautanner

    lautanner Well-Known Member

    Do you want to die as a result of your drug and alcohol abuse? Because that is what will happen.
     
  14. lautanner

    lautanner Well-Known Member

  15. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Just a :hug: from another person who likes you here. The darkness doesn't have to consume you, and you don't have to go through life alone. Those of us who care about you, will be here if you reach out.
     
  16. DarkLordVader

    DarkLordVader Well-Known Member

    thank you, it does help knowing a few of you want to see me better...
     
  17. Ima.robot

    Ima.robot Senior Member

    I hope you will get better also. I hope you choose to try to get better too. Why not?
     
  18. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Life is tough everyday when we are down and do not see our future. Nobody judges you here at all. All I say just keep posting as there are a lot of decent people who will help you. You are a decent person, just telling how it is and I respect you for that. Take care.
     
  19. DarkLordVader

    DarkLordVader Well-Known Member

    what i will never understand about this scummy world is, why people need to cheat in every aspect to win... every time i try to do something fun i run into liars and cheaters and it makes me so mad i need to seek revenge against them all...
     
  20. DarkLordVader

    DarkLordVader Well-Known Member

    i cant take this anymore... i am about to do something so fucken evil it will cost me everything... these fucken scumbags cheaters are going to be dealt with, in a way only the most unholy would approve...