1. princessofelegance

    princessofelegance Well-Known Member

    The pain is overwhelming. Emotional scarring from people and past. I just want it to stop. Ive self harmed 4 times this week and I just need someone to talk to who would understand.
    E.U.P.D is killing me and my C-PTSD is overwhelming me with pain and confusion.
    help please
     
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi princess, I also have Bpd. I know how it goes, the recklessness and instability, the ups and downs. I am sorry you are feeling so overwhelmed, please know you have us to help you get through this, may I ask what kind of treatment you are receiving? And is any of it helping. Sorry you are feeling this way and even more sorry that you felt the need to cut. We are here for you and do understand!! Keep talking to us :)
     
  3. princessofelegance

    princessofelegance Well-Known Member

    Thank you for replying Petal.
    It's mainly talking therapy and cat therapy I'm receiving at the moment. It was always going to make me worse before I got better but I was never prepared for this amount of a shit storm it has created for me and my life. I feel so alone, it's just me and my fiancé. He's amazing, literally truly amazing but I do feel so alone. I wish I had friends and people who really understand to talk to. I'm useless at social interaction and i find it very hard to be open with people in a way that's helpful to both parties. I hadn't self harmed for 9 months before this week, I'm so disappointed in myself but I can't stop. I just can't stop thinking about it and its all I want to do, because for those few minutes afterwards i feel better and i feel alive. x
     
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    You are most welcome hun :)

    How long have you been in your current therapy treatment for? If you think you need a new therapist get one. If you think you need a new type of therapy see what is available in your area to you. Is there DBT in your area, that is specifically for EUPD/BPD and might be of help to you.

    I am so glad you have the support of your fiance, that is wonderful. How about family, do they support you? Do you have any/ or a good relationship with them?

    Do you mean you have no friends at all or just no friends that understand?

    9 months is EXCELLENT. Well done on that. So what has triggered this weeks episode? Be proud you didn't cut for 9 months, its a great achievement, you can do it again.

    Maybe phone the samaritans, they are brilliant to talk with and are fully trained and can sympathise with you (hugs)
     
  5. princessofelegance

    princessofelegance Well-Known Member

    I've done stepps which is DBT based and that worked for a while then I couldn't maintain the skills because it was draining all my energy.
    I have a small family who do support me but that is complicated, it wasn't always as nice as it is now. I was neglected by my mother when i was a child but she was sick with depression but we seem to get on okay now.
    Literally no friends at all. Not a single person. EUPD has made sure that every relationship i've ever had with anyone has been ruined.
    I'm not sure whats triggered it, im guessing its therapy because i just feel like utter shit, utter crap. I hate myself and i dont over exaggerate when i say that. So i assume its the past and it all catching up with me again.
    x
     
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    EUPD is a sure fire way to ruin relationships, I talk from experience, I have family members that do not speak to me. Ex friends who want nothing to do with me but like you I have my mom and she is great. Maybe organise something fun to do together when ye are both free? When were you diagnosed with EUPD? Do you have any other disorders too? Therapy can bring up a lot of crap and it does get hard but you need to stick with it. I think you are a lovely person and I know EUPD causes instability in relationships with everyone around you, if you can overcome that i'm sure a lot of your issues would die down. It's nice talking to you :) And I think thing take a turn for the better (huge hugs)
     
  7. princessofelegance

    princessofelegance Well-Known Member

    Thanks hun, i really appreciate you talking to me tonight.
    I got diagnosed when i was 20 so 5 years ago. But they have known for a lot longer than that. Ive got complex ptsd also and major depression.
    So quite a messed up combination.
    X
     
  8. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    You are more than welcome hun. I have experience with PTSD and trust me when I say therapy is what has helped me the most. I was once where you are in severe crisis, not fully recovered but a lot better. Take my advice and remember your thoughts are not facts and you can always form new friendships and get your EUPD to a level you can manage, you seem like a lovely person, I hope things get better. Please take a piece of paper and write down 5 things you can do this week to make new friends/or stabilise behaviour and see how many you can do :)
     
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