Pain

[butterfly12274]

*sits down in a dark corner, grabs his knees and wobbles a bit*
Pain is fun. Pain is fun. Pain...

Sometimes solutions aren't so simple,
Sometimes goodbye is the only way

Yeah, I'm a man of little words.

I'd just love to get my hands on a knife right now, but dad's always home!!!! ARGH.

I sense I'm becoming less and less one of you, I am alienating from the family. I should kill myself before it's too late but I can't. I deserve pain, please, give me pain, I WANT PAIN, HURT ME.

sorry for being rude, childish, a total attention seeker, weird, selfish, i.e. myself. I don't blame any of you, I blame myself. You lot are true, not selfish, perfect, loving, kind, and this is how I thank you? Sorry, I'll try to look happy after this msg

*sigh* I don't want to hurt others, I speak empty words, I should- I like you all, my family, the gang, ... Yet again I speak empty words, I'm too much of a bastard to kill myself, I can't do it anymore yet I should. I may or may not deserve death but at least I should protect you all from meeeee. *dramatises some more*

 

[butterfly12274]

I just can't stop myself from posting here, see, my programming is inferior!
I have no feelings, I don't belong here, I am a depressed one that doesn't understand others. To keep things short: my mind needs reprogramming or termination.

 

[Petal]

:hug:

 

[Anime-Zodiac]

Stay strong and don't give in.

All the best.

 

[Fatman1966]

Hang on in there, you are not different from anyone else, not really.

What you are going through is exactly the same thing any one with depression goes through, with drawing from the world, turning your thought inwardly onto yourself, it's part of the depression, its completely normal, having been there for along time and done that, it can be a very painfull place to be but it can get better, it did for me, so there is hope for everyone, why because I am a pretty highly strung bloke, I set myself impossible goals, tried to live a life that wasn't really my own, burried myself in my work, nearly gave up on everthing, nearly gave up on myself, but it doesn't have to be that way, you don't have to be in that place for the rest of your life, its not easy, there are no quick fixes, but things can and will get better, you won't always feel this way, having been to the very very edge of life and back again, I'm living proof of that, hang on in there buddy, try not to be so hard on yourself, no one is perfect, no one is that in control of everything, despite how they seem on the outside, honestly you really are no different from anyone else, you just having trouble coping with it all at the minute, it can get better, will get better, it just takes time and even though you might not think you have the strength right now, a fair bit of effort, but it wont always be that way.

Here is an odd thing I read on the internet, not sure if its true or not, but the average IQ of depressed people is much higher than the average IQ of the general population, which could be a factor in the cause of depression, all those brain cells working overtime trying work thing out, that can't really ever be worked out in any kind of logical way ? it was put in a much more elequant sentance, but guess i'm at the lower end of depressed peoples IQ's lol lol lol !