I have had severe self harm and mental problems for the majority of my life, stemming from my mothers suicide. I was nine and found her dead one weekend, she had taken an overdose of anti-depressants. Ever since that day my life has been a misery. I'm 28 now and have little family, no brothers or sisters. Just an Aunt and a Grandmother. October 2009, after several months of intense daily treatment for severe manic depression at my local hospitals mental health unit, I took an overdose and found myself in A&E, from there I was transferred to a secure mental hospital which was the worst experience of my life. Since that day my life has been unbearable. I have since tried to build my life up again after losing everything, but I have failed. I have lost my partner and all my friends, they could no longer deal with my severe behaviour and they way I treated them while I was ill, these people were the most important people in my life and without them I am nothing. I lost my best friend, he hasn't contacted or responded to me for eight months and it breaks my heart every single second of every day as he was the most important person in my life, the one who truly cared. They have cut all contact with me and it has ruined my life. I have no one. Absolutely no one. I have acquaintances but they are nothing more. The pain of having no one to help you when you are screaming for help is the most painful thing. I beg people for help, for someone to comfort me and be with me as I know I'm suicidal and will at least cut myself or self harm one way or another, but my pleas are ignored. Are people happy I hurt myself? I try to make myself feel better telling myself people ignore me and have cut all contact so I have no option but to seek professional help once more. But no tablet or therapy can take this pain away. In recent weeks I have suffered a complete nervous breakdown due to my illness. I have completely lost my mind and my body has shut down. Im tortured by constant voices and images in my head from the second I wake to the time I fall asleep. I have no quality of life and I can not take this anymore. I have been told if I were to attempt suicide again and fail, I would be placed in a mental institution indefinitely. So I can't fail again. I contacted the Samaritons tonight as a last attempt to get help, but it's no use I don't even know why I have come here. I had every intention to kill myself tonight.