Pain

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by 28y/omale, Jul 26, 2010.

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  1. 28y/omale

    28y/omale New Member

    I have had severe self harm and mental problems for the majority of my life, stemming from my mothers suicide. I was nine and found her dead one weekend, she had taken an overdose of anti-depressants. Ever since that day my life has been a misery. I'm 28 now and have little family, no brothers or sisters. Just an Aunt and a Grandmother. October 2009, after several months of intense daily treatment for severe manic depression at my local hospitals mental health unit, I took an overdose and found myself in A&E, from there I was transferred to a secure mental hospital which was the worst experience of my life. Since that day my life has been unbearable.

    I have since tried to build my life up again after losing everything, but I have failed. I have lost my partner and all my friends, they could no longer deal with my severe behaviour and they way I treated them while I was ill, these people were the most important people in my life and without them I am nothing. I lost my best friend, he hasn't contacted or responded to me for eight months and it breaks my heart every single second of every day as he was the most important person in my life, the one who truly cared. They have cut all contact with me and it has ruined my life. I have no one. Absolutely no one. I have acquaintances but they are nothing more.

    The pain of having no one to help you when you are screaming for help is the most painful thing. I beg people for help, for someone to comfort me and be with me as I know I'm suicidal and will at least cut myself or self harm one way or another, but my pleas are ignored. Are people happy I hurt myself?
    I try to make myself feel better telling myself people ignore me and have cut all contact so I have no option but to seek professional help once more. But no tablet or therapy can take this pain away.

    In recent weeks I have suffered a complete nervous breakdown due to my illness. I have completely lost my mind and my body has shut down. Im tortured by constant voices and images in my head from the second I wake to the time I fall asleep.

    I have no quality of life and I can not take this anymore. I have been told if I were to attempt suicide again and fail, I would be placed in a mental institution indefinitely. So I can't fail again.

    I contacted the Samaritons tonight as a last attempt to get help, but it's no use

    I don't even know why I have come here. I had every intention to kill myself tonight.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Your mother she would not want this for you Your mother was suffering from same illness you have she would want you to be happy she would want you to get help okay YOu have to help you no one else can do that okay you have to reach out and get thehelp you need show the people you care abt you can look after yourself when you are so down by going to emergency and getting help.
    your mother would want you happy don't let the illness that took her away take you away too. fight okay fight for you
     
  3. flowingriver

    flowingriver Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry for all that you have been through. Violet is right.
    Listen to what she says. Hun, we care. Get yourself checked into an emergency room right away, OK.:hugtackles:
     
  4. Marty482

    Marty482 Well-Known Member

    Im very sorry you feel so bad. IM praying for you and hope you do too. YOU KNOW ITS NOT THE ANSWER TO HURT YOURSELF. PLEASE DONT GIVE UP. We are here for you and we will listen. You are not alone. Try group therapy or 12 step groups that will help I promose. Break the patterns that you fall in to. STAY HERE and you will find new frie3nds and people who will listen. You are welcome to write me!!!!


    Marty
     
  5. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Hi. I'm sorry to hear that you're suffering so much right now, but please don't give up and don't harm yourself. Not having someone to comfort you in your most difficult moments is very difficult. But always remember that you're not alone. We all care about you and want you to recover. Please don't give up. :hug:
     
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