pained

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by silent_chaos, Mar 11, 2016.

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  1. silent_chaos

    silent_chaos Well-Known Member

    I want this pain to stop so bad. I'm trying to hold it together. I'm scared of myself. Im such a fucking loser that I can't stand it. I talked with my therapist about how I'm doing. And I told her I was fine cause I didn't want her to put me on hold. I'm so close to breaking point. A few family members know what's going on. And they say I will get threw this and keep my chin up. But I tell them I'm fine. mom keeps trying to call but I regecting the call and say my phone is messing up. Cause she will know I'm not OK. I'm far from it. She wont hesitate to have a welfare check done on me. I have people here for me and to help me threw it and really do want to believe them. The person who has caused me this pain. I want them out of my head I want everything out of my head and the severe anxiety that is crushing my chest i can't even take in deep breaths to try and calm down some. I feel like I'm already dead inside. I'm thinking in many way of how to end it. But there is one thing I love the most in this world is my bird. That's the thread keeping me alive. She's 16 in July. Last couple of days I've not let her out. Have just uncovered her to where she can still she me.
     
  2. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    *hugs* I am so sorry all of this has gotten you this low.

    You are not a loser!

    Can you call your therapist back and tell them how you actually feel? You need some help right now, and I think you know it too.
    Hiding yourself away won't make you better. And you can get better!

    Have you blocked that person, all of the numbers and emails? So they can no longer contact you? You need to remove them from your life.

    Please take care of yourself, you deserve to get help! *hugs you again*


    Btw, what a pretty bird you have! I bet that it can help as well if you play with her
     
    AdamTide likes this.
  3. silent_chaos

    silent_chaos Well-Known Member

    I'm so depress yet restless. I don't know weather I'm coming or going. I can't stop thinking about end it. My brain is like mashed potatoes. I rather it be a stone.
     
  4. AdamTide

    AdamTide Well-Known Member

    I know how crushing the anxiety can be. I get nervous on a regular basis. Sometimes I get so nervous it causes me to have a physical reaction. Makes it hard for me to breathe. And makes my hand shake and makes it hard for me to think. But I am able to work through it and so can you ! When it happens tell yourself that there's really nothing to fear and that everything is going to be ok. Positive thoughts help a lot. Realize that you are doing your very best and take comfort in that.
    And Lady is right. You are far from a loser. You have a lot to offer. Turn your pain into motivation. Let it DRIVE you to get good out of your life. Listen to good music. Watch funny videos. Help others. You are stronger than you realize. Everything is gonna be alright.
     
    Petal likes this.
  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I too know what anxiety can do to the mind and body, I sometimes vomit due to anxiety. It's tough going. We are both in DBT treatment, use your coping skills you have learned in DBT. You are not a loser at all. You are a fighter and you will be to the end, you've been through some pretty crappy stuff in the past week, that is bound to have an effect of your anxiety levels. I hope you become well again and fight this using those coping mechanisms. I wish you the best of luck. *hugs*
     
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  6. silent_chaos

    silent_chaos Well-Known Member

    I have been trying g to use dbt skills. But I attach her to everything I'm trying to forget about. Like filling g out one of the skills paper about how to change the situation, its just makes me think of her more.
     
  7. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Keep trying and keep fighting these thoughts. Maybe do something nice for yourself today like watch a movie or go bowling? Anything to take your mind off this. That might help killing 2 birds with 1 stone :)
     
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  8. silent_chaos

    silent_chaos Well-Known Member

    I really do thank everyone for talking g with me as I'm sobbing. Im literally begging myself not to do anything stupid.
     
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  9. AdamTide

    AdamTide Well-Known Member

    I know it may not seem like it but you ARE going to be ok. Sobbing is OK as it helps to get it out. Things WILL get better and you're going to be just fine. :) You are a great person who we care about. Don't give up. Like Lady said do something for YOURSELF. We got you. :)
     
  10. Lady Snowblood

    Lady Snowblood Active Member

    I don't know if logic works for you in your dark moments, but for me it's the only thing that
    kind of breaks my self-harm-mode. I know and always tell me again and again, that these thoughts
    turn me into a completely different person and I'll think about things differently when the dark clouds
    have passed by. And if it's just your bird that you can focus on. Sometimes it helps just watching an
    animal live, watching its movements and hearing its heart pound. I'm kind of referring to my cat here, I guess.
    He always comes to me when I'm sad, as if he senses that I need support, and just lays down beside me. And
    this is actually so simple, after all he's just breathing lying next to me, but it helps.
     
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  11. AdamTide

    AdamTide Well-Known Member

    Snowblood is right. Think of how much your bird means to you and helps and comforts you. :) And during the bad times do your very best to think positively and think of how things WILL get better. It's always darkest during the dawn. Things will get better and better. You deserve for it to. :) hugs
     
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