painful memory

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by among the stars, Apr 29, 2008.

  1. among the stars

    among the stars Well-Known Member

    during the last month of my moms life she didn't want to be alone (and dont blame her, if i was battling cancer and knew i was terminally ill, i wouldnt want to be alone either) - so we (my family) took shifts at nite, but that day - that Saturday nite was different she had struggled to breath all day. I went to work and bout 2pm i sat down in the front of the barn just cuz i had a really bad feeling, i dont know how long i sat there -- later that afternoon we were giving my mom morphine to slow her breathing cuz it was way too fast - my grandpa was on the phone w/ a vna nurse who was on her way to our house. when my sis ran in and said her breathing is slowing down - my grandpa went in - she died "holding" her dads hand. But she really couldnt hold it cu she was basically a vegetable. i didn't know she was gone til he shut her door we hadn't done before - cuz we didn't leave her alone. i just erupted w/ emotion - i didnt stop that nite or the next day - then i pushed everything away -- till now. i held everything in for the first 6 months after her death now all the pain, agony, and anger are coming out in full force and i cant stop the feelings or the things that are happening.
     
  2. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    I'm so sorry for your loss. But I'm glad to know that she had people there that loved her and supported her til the very end. It is a wonderful thing you and your family did for your mom. Hun please turn to the members here. It's your turn to be supported and loved now. Let us help you get through this pain. You arent alone.