Painful realisation.

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by meaningless-vessel, Aug 10, 2013.

  1. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    So I bitch a lot about situational issues.... That I can do fuck all about because it's how other people are towards me.

    Nothing beats my sister-in-laws attitude for me tonight at a barbecue for my dad's wife and her youngest. (Their birthdays are 5th/7th of August, they have a BBQ on a Saturday, usually after - sometimes in between or on one of them's birthdays).

    Both of them barely said a word to me in the time that they were there. And when one had gone, the other one's only other words to me were asking where we were putting cigarettes (smoking on driveways outside the garden due to number of people around).

    Yeah - I put effort in - and my dad made some effort to hold conversation with me. As did the brother who turned up (the eldest one was working so unavailable). I actually had more conversation with the kids (nieces/nephews/and others), even played a few games to keep the under 16s entertained, than I did with the two sister-in-laws. So I decided to keep myself to myself and ignore them. I daresay that I'm relatively riled up though, and not in a fun mood to go to sleep on.

    So yeah, I'm a bit hacked off. And i'd dearly love to hear the bullshit excuses that they could come up with.

    (My brother who turned up, him and his wife I have a lot less dealings with - therefore could be more likely to be excused for lack of interaction as it works two ways - I know that).

    But I'd really love to rip a handful of home truths as to why the other one needs to go through others, doesn't talk with me when there's an opportunity to, doesn't even really acknowledge I exist - and why my oldest brother comes up with a pathetic excuse of "I dunno if your phone's on or not" - when my facebook has my email address (could send an email) - could send a facebook message - or could even post on my wall.

    Yes I'm cycling through the same things again - but when I put effort in for the best part of 3 years of popping down to his between 3-6pm (after I finished morning shift - occasionally hanging round because of doing the evening shift too), and get nothing when I'm not doing so, really makes me wonder if I am the damn problem.

    I get it in a lot of places... here included.. where I get the feeling I have outstayed my welcome - tried "too hard" to do things/fit in/offer advice/support in my own ways and get slated for it (I'm no expert on everything so I offer suggestions based on that limited but ever expanding knowledge in some areas) - hence my social troubles thread...

    But I'm excessively peeved at not just family. I'm peeved at the lack of contact with former friends (yeah, I don't call them that any more) - because if I do nothing, they don't bother. I'm peeved at the lack of interactions started by others in general. I'm peeved at some for saying "You should get out more, it's not good for you to be indoors all the time" - no shit - but what can I really do with little money from benefits/not working at present, and a number of friends that I can meet up with and do things with being limited to 1 (this 1 friend is, like my mum and sister, overall, exempt from the rant.)

    I can't force others to like me. I can't force others to include me. I can't force others to initiate interactions. I guess I'm not just the "odd one out" in my immediate family, I'm an anomaly socially. But I do try. And have tried. And now I'm reflecting more (in order to try and help me move forwards), I'm realising that if I hadn't tried, I'd have precisely no-one but my mum and my sisters own family branch (her, her hubby + their kids). If I hadn't tried, I wouldn't have realised that I could well be a lot more lonely than I like to admit to. If I hadn't tried, I may have given up the ghost on social activities through and through.

    But I doubt that I will give up hope yet that there is something out there that I can do - without being cast aside after a year or 4 of efforts - I'm just running low on energies with these exertions.
     
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Since I have/had a family of primates (sorry primates), I am the last person to give advise on communicating with them, but what I have learned is that their behavior does not mean my insignificance or disorder...one cannot make another caring or attentive...it has to come from the other person...it has taken me a while, but I have come to terms with who I have/had as a family and have made sure this does not guide how I love and interact with others...if you have posted and I have not responded in the past, I am so sorry...please PM me if you would like...wishing you more affirming times