painful

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Carcinogen, Jan 7, 2008.

  1. Carcinogen

    Carcinogen Well-Known Member

    Fuck him, I hate him. I hate everyone.

    But my kidney...it hurts so much. Wave after wave of pain. My ribs, my kidney. Can't fucking think. Maybe I've damaged it, maybe I'm dying. Can't tell if I'm bleeding when I pee atm. Ha ha, dying, I'm FINALLY not going to fucking be here. Gone forever. Fuck it's painful though. Could really do with a truckload of cocaine, just wouldn't care anymore. Or morphine...
    I never visualised dying like this though, I thought I'd take my own life, do it my way...there's still time though, I think. People - they fucking ruin everything.
    Ah, fuck, it hurts, though. Who cares? I don't. Let the blackness descend...
     
  2. WhyMeWhy

    WhyMeWhy Well-Known Member

    I live w/ constant physical pain. Can't you go see a doctor?
     
  3. Carcinogen

    Carcinogen Well-Known Member

    I can't...I just can't. I haven't been since I was seven, I don't think I can do it even for this. Someone has made me an appointment, but I don't know if I'll manage to go, or if I'll just go to sleep under a hedge for a few hours, then tell them the doctor said everything was fine. Probably the 2nd...I'm no good at this life crap.
     
  4. WhyMeWhy

    WhyMeWhy Well-Known Member

    I once posted a thread asking if anyone would prefer a painful demise.... it was deleted and I was warned not to do it again. Regardless, I don't like seeing anyone suffering, mentally or physically. Hopefully something changes for you or it all works itself out somehow mordarisk. Do you like suffering? :blink:
     
  5. Carcinogen

    Carcinogen Well-Known Member

    No. I always swore that I would not succumb to human frailty, and a slow demise. That I would end it all before it got too far. I'm no masochist. However, even if I suffer, at least the end will be death if there's a real problem. I just don't want that fucking guy to have the satisfaction of being the one who forced me to die before I was completely ready and prepared. But if it gets much worse...well I might have to bring my death date forwards. My death will not be weak. I refuse to let it. I may have run out of options.