I've been here before...I'd like to go into a deep explaination of what's going on, but, just recently I had a panic attack..I've been suffering from suicidal intentions a lot less recently, but when I think about the truth of what I'm living through, I wig out...Tonight I freaked out more than ever, and un-controllably...AKA Panic Attack. I've dealt with smaller cases of what happened tonight, but I just started freaking out, crying like crazy, throwing stuff, hearing disturbing thoughts and a bunch of disturbing things just zoomed through out my mind and it was insane...I don't know where this came from or what to do, or even anything about it, much less why I'm posting this, but I know something's wrong...I don't think my parents could cope with this, much less understand..I'm afraid of going insane and being locked up in a clinic or something like that...I don't want that.
Panic Attacks
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Doesn't sound like you have any meds for panic attacks. First, don't be afraid you'll be locked up in a clinic; too many other real psycho's fill those places to capacity every night and day just to have a place to sleep and something to eat. Second-try deep breathing and/or music. Third-eat something you LIKE.
Fourth-maybe watch a movie or read a book you know you like. Fifth-tell someone, anyone you trust how you feel-if there isn't anyone like that, book an appt' w/ a therapist anywhere. They listen to this stuff all day, so not much you could tell them would surprise them, plus, they're actually thinking about when to pick up the car from detailing or their next botox while you're talking; if they're taking notes, it's a shopping list for the help. I've had panic attacks for DECADES and they're just one of those things. I used to think I'd FREAK, but then I learned that if you just concentrate at the time,"This is all in my head, it'll pass-breathe"-and so on. I've actually left full grocery carts and walked out of restaurants and malls before I was done because of panic attacks. In hindsight, I realize there were probably other people in the same situation, same time, same place. So what?
Like I'm going to say to the lady ahead of me,"Are you having a panic attack too?"; I don't think so. Good luck.
Fourth-maybe watch a movie or read a book you know you like. Fifth-tell someone, anyone you trust how you feel-if there isn't anyone like that, book an appt' w/ a therapist anywhere. They listen to this stuff all day, so not much you could tell them would surprise them, plus, they're actually thinking about when to pick up the car from detailing or their next botox while you're talking; if they're taking notes, it's a shopping list for the help. I've had panic attacks for DECADES and they're just one of those things. I used to think I'd FREAK, but then I learned that if you just concentrate at the time,"This is all in my head, it'll pass-breathe"-and so on. I've actually left full grocery carts and walked out of restaurants and malls before I was done because of panic attacks. In hindsight, I realize there were probably other people in the same situation, same time, same place. So what?
Like I'm going to say to the lady ahead of me,"Are you having a panic attack too?"; I don't think so. Good luck.
Suicide Hotline,
I just joined this forum today after doing a search on "help me kill myself". Not feeling partiularly great on this dreary winter night.
Amongst other things, I read your post and had to wonder if I'd written it myself- about a month ago I was experiencing the exact same thing. The dead of short winter days and I was in my office feeling absolutely miserable. One bad phone call put me over the top and after hanging up it all boiled to the surface. I grabbed my desk chair and wailed it into a wall (breaking both chair and wall).
The days before and after were filled with despair and non-stop crying. The sense of simply never being able to cope...never getting my head above water... feeling hopeless that a sense of happiness would ever come across my way again.
The pain and hopelessness really made me lose the will to live. However, at 44 years old I've lost two of my closest friends to suicide. Truth be told, if I went into the specifics of it all- few would believe me. In any event, I was so angry with my last friends action that I vowed never to allow myself to repeat what he did (as I knew the pain it caused me and would never allow myself to do the same to those who care about me).
Yet, here I am... thinking about it constantly.
I'm babbling... there's no point to what I'm saying... it's just that the details of your post (crying, throwing things, panic attacks, suicidal thoughts) hit as close to home as possible for me. I also deeply share your sense of family members not understanding where it's coming from. Whenever the topic comes up with them it's horribly frustrating to hear their perspectives sometimes. I know they mean well though.
To be honest, I think if let myself smoke some weed or something I'd feel a lot better- but I stopped doing that (maybe a mistake?).
I suppose I'm just gonna clench my teeth and push myself until the spring comes along. I know much of this will pass by then- at which point I'll ask myself what in the world I could have been thinking...
Take care and thanks for your post-
I just joined this forum today after doing a search on "help me kill myself". Not feeling partiularly great on this dreary winter night.
Amongst other things, I read your post and had to wonder if I'd written it myself- about a month ago I was experiencing the exact same thing. The dead of short winter days and I was in my office feeling absolutely miserable. One bad phone call put me over the top and after hanging up it all boiled to the surface. I grabbed my desk chair and wailed it into a wall (breaking both chair and wall).
The days before and after were filled with despair and non-stop crying. The sense of simply never being able to cope...never getting my head above water... feeling hopeless that a sense of happiness would ever come across my way again.
The pain and hopelessness really made me lose the will to live. However, at 44 years old I've lost two of my closest friends to suicide. Truth be told, if I went into the specifics of it all- few would believe me. In any event, I was so angry with my last friends action that I vowed never to allow myself to repeat what he did (as I knew the pain it caused me and would never allow myself to do the same to those who care about me).
Yet, here I am... thinking about it constantly.
I'm babbling... there's no point to what I'm saying... it's just that the details of your post (crying, throwing things, panic attacks, suicidal thoughts) hit as close to home as possible for me. I also deeply share your sense of family members not understanding where it's coming from. Whenever the topic comes up with them it's horribly frustrating to hear their perspectives sometimes. I know they mean well though.
To be honest, I think if let myself smoke some weed or something I'd feel a lot better- but I stopped doing that (maybe a mistake?).
I suppose I'm just gonna clench my teeth and push myself until the spring comes along. I know much of this will pass by then- at which point I'll ask myself what in the world I could have been thinking...
Take care and thanks for your post-
Letz,
Hello and welcome. If you stick around you'll find a lot of support and people who really care, from all walks of life.
I am certainly no expert, but from what you describe, it doesn't sound like panic attacks. They're usually when your driving or somewhere mundane and all of a sudden, you PANIC. You don't do anything, except your heart and mind race and you have an ALMOST uncontrollable urge to STOP what's going on at the time. Usually results in just freezing up or forcing yourself thru it.
From what you've described, sounds like deep depression and SAD maybe.
Smoking weed might help!? Not that I recommend illegal drug use, and just forget I said that. Maybe just a cocktail or 2, relax. Whatever. But it's good you came here to talk. Might want to talk about it to one of the therapists I joked about in the above post. The point is not that they 'care', but that you get to purge it out to an objective person who may give you some insight into the issues your dealing with and provide maybe not immediate solutions, but some methods of coping w/ how you feel. Just a thought.
Good luck to you.
Hello and welcome. If you stick around you'll find a lot of support and people who really care, from all walks of life.
I am certainly no expert, but from what you describe, it doesn't sound like panic attacks. They're usually when your driving or somewhere mundane and all of a sudden, you PANIC. You don't do anything, except your heart and mind race and you have an ALMOST uncontrollable urge to STOP what's going on at the time. Usually results in just freezing up or forcing yourself thru it.
From what you've described, sounds like deep depression and SAD maybe.
Smoking weed might help!? Not that I recommend illegal drug use, and just forget I said that. Maybe just a cocktail or 2, relax. Whatever. But it's good you came here to talk. Might want to talk about it to one of the therapists I joked about in the above post. The point is not that they 'care', but that you get to purge it out to an objective person who may give you some insight into the issues your dealing with and provide maybe not immediate solutions, but some methods of coping w/ how you feel. Just a thought.
Good luck to you.
Thanks for your kind post Rojomi. You may be right about my episodes not being panic attacks. Still, it's the term I used when trying to explain it to family members... I think just to be able to somehow quantify it for them. I knew it wasn't the most accurate term for what I'd been feeling -but of course if I ever use the word "depression", they're like, "but you have nothing to be depressed about!"... which makes me become even more reclusive because I realize I can't make them understand (and then they wonder why I don't call).
I agree 100% on finding a way to purge. In the limited experiences I've had with therapists I've come to recognize simply getting it out is the single most beneficial aspect of therapy. But I'm a stubborn male filled with masculine pride. "Stay strong, don't be weak... there are people with problems infinitely greater than yours", etc. It would be so much easier to just step off... but I know I'll never let myself do it (I'd be too ashamed to after seeing how my friends suicide made me feel) .
It would just be so nice to feel happy again. Comments like yours... finding this board... just knowing there are people who share similar feelings does help. A lot.
Thanks again & best wishes-
I agree 100% on finding a way to purge. In the limited experiences I've had with therapists I've come to recognize simply getting it out is the single most beneficial aspect of therapy. But I'm a stubborn male filled with masculine pride. "Stay strong, don't be weak... there are people with problems infinitely greater than yours", etc. It would be so much easier to just step off... but I know I'll never let myself do it (I'd be too ashamed to after seeing how my friends suicide made me feel) .
It would just be so nice to feel happy again. Comments like yours... finding this board... just knowing there are people who share similar feelings does help. A lot.
Thanks again & best wishes-
Suicide Hotline,
I'm new here and this is my first post.
I know exactly how you feel. I've suffered from panic attacks for over 3 years. There's nothing wrong with you, they're pretty normal - lots of people get them.
The best things, I find, to calm yourself down are:
a) Calm your beathing (take deep breaths to calm your heart rate)
b) Listen to some Music you like/ put on a fave Movie
c) Go get some fresh air, take a walk or something on your own
rojomi mentioned most of those but they do help.
Don't worry about being locked away in a clinic and going insane, it won't happen!
Sorry the post wasn't much help, just wanted to let you know you're not alone and you're definitely not insane!
Hope you're feeling better soon! :smile:
I'm new here and this is my first post.
I know exactly how you feel. I've suffered from panic attacks for over 3 years. There's nothing wrong with you, they're pretty normal - lots of people get them.
The best things, I find, to calm yourself down are:
a) Calm your beathing (take deep breaths to calm your heart rate)
b) Listen to some Music you like/ put on a fave Movie
c) Go get some fresh air, take a walk or something on your own
rojomi mentioned most of those but they do help.
Don't worry about being locked away in a clinic and going insane, it won't happen!
Sorry the post wasn't much help, just wanted to let you know you're not alone and you're definitely not insane!
Hope you're feeling better soon! :smile:
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