I really want to do something anything right now to hurt myself. Full on freak out out mode. I was talking with a friend and no he wasn't mean or anything, just concerned but it was like a trigger for me, idk I can't explain. I was just reminded of how desperate and horrible my life is. I keep having these panic moments and get impulsive. I can be ok one minute and freak out the next.wtf. I took some Ativan, it will calm me soon I hope. I feel like caged animal, I want to bite tear scream cut chew ...anything to just not feel so trapped.