panic

[ayumii]

For starters i'm going to tell you all that i'm from sweden and sucks at english.

I don't know - i can't do this no more. I've been depressed for several years, and i'm on medication, and have been for six months now.

I don't want to be healthy again. I want to want to be healthy, but i can't. The only thing i can think about now is the razorblades my mom threw away, the alcohol she locked in. She took away my survival things, and now when i don't have them no more I can't stop myself from take my life. I'm going to do it, probably quite soon.

My mom and I tried to get me hospitalized, but they refused.

I don't have another choise.

 

[ayumii]

please, say something to me
something that will make me sleep tonight

 

[porcelain child]

I am sorry things are tough for you right now...

Could you perhaps go to your GP and say you want some help... maybe you don't need hospitalization if you got some therapy which help put things into perspective and you talked about why you don't want to be healthy anymore..

We want you too be healthy...

Why do you want to die so much?

Claire...

 

[Pécheur]

Hi there,

Just to let you know, there are alot of people here that care about you and I'm sure you would be sadly missed if you did anything.

It's wrong of your mom to have taken those things as you can't just quict drinking and self-harming like that, she should have talked to each other about it.

Go and see your GP again and tell them exactly how you feel, maybe print of your posts and give it to them to show them how desperate you are.

What's been going on in your like to influence you to feel like you do?

Feel free to PM me,

By the way your English is very good!

Take care.

 

[ayumii]

I want to die cus' there's no way out of this. I will never do anything for myself that may result in me feeling better. Why suffer a long time when you can do it shorter.

 

[pensive1981]

I'm having a crappy day too. If you go to sleep and get some rest, you will feel better in the morning than you do right now. And I'll be here tomorrow too.

 

[ayumii]

i'm not going to be able to sleep.
i have seven sleeping pills i took from my friend that wanted to kill herself with them (i threw them away from her on the street, and when she wasn't looking i took seven from the ground) but i want thoose to my suicide. I know you can't die off seven, but i have my plans.

 

[cinZamurai]

After this trip we call life its back to nothing and thats not even an experience its just nada and an eternity of it. This is it, everything we get is now. It means everything for the living, like ripples on water. Even after we go, for good and bad it matters and we resonate in to the world for all existence.

Give it a chance, you got here to SF for a reason, you can do it! you have already started to work at it and we are here to support you. We are all trying to cope and get better and sometimes we fall, but we get up again with words of encouragement or sometimes with what we can give to ourself´s.

Why do you feel like you feel ayumii?


ps. You can pm me if you like, and if you feel like talking in Swedish thats no problem for me

Take care and stay safe!

 

[ayumii]

I don't kow why i feel how i feel.
They suspect it's physical, my brain doesn't work. I don't know, i don't care - i just can't handle it anymore

 

[cinZamurai]

Aight I see.

See if you can get a therapist, I know it can be hard but keep on it and fight for your right. I had one for awhile and she really help´t me to let go being to hard on myself and reinforced my self worth. I hope you bounce back ayumii so you can experience more of the good bits as well. There is to much to explore yet!

:hug:

 

[ayumii]

i have one already.

(jag är ett bup-barn)