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Panicking. Don't know what to do

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AsphyxiateOnWords

Pretty rhymes break angels.
#41
I don't know, he might be when he realises he's been caught and the prospect of losing the relationship will prompt him to do what's necessary to save it. Affairs are based on fantasy and secrecy and exposure could bring him to his senses.
I would agree to that if he hadn't been caught before.
 
#43
Although I agree with what others have said...I also understand that this needs to be on your terms and time frame and talking to your therapist on Friday seems like the best course of action. So though I know that it may be hard to do don't allow him to be the one to decide if you can keep the appointment. I wondered can you talk to her/him on the phone perhaps before the appointment if you need to? And as others have said we are all here for you so encourage you to keep posting as you do matter and you aren't alone. And you clearly have an inner strength so hold tightly onto that. Sending you hugs.
 

may71

Well-Known Member
#45
Sorry to hear this

I don't really know much about your relationship, and I'm not sure any of us do, other than you.

I guess my 2 cents on it is that there's time to think about this.
 

Sunspots

Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#46
I'm really struggling today. I'm supposed to be going for an assessment tomorrow at a local recovery college to see what they can offer me. But I'm so far away from recovery. I can't stop crying. I feel like a worthless piece of shit. Fat, ugly, lazy, boring, needy, pathetic, stupid and pointless piece of shit. Why would he love me? Why would ANYONE love me? Even my own mother hates me so I must be totally unlovable.

I wish my last attempt had worked. Then he could be with her and be happy. She'd probably be a better mum to our kids so they'd be happy too. It would be better off all round. Do I really believe this? Right now, at this moment, yeah, I do.
 

Walker

Everything Zen
Staff member
ADMIN
SF Social Media
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#48
I came to check on this thread. Everyone has a lot of pennies to throw in here.

I just told some guy in another thread that sometimes the fuckin' you're gettin just ain't worth the fuckin' you're gettin and that seems applicable here as well.

You're gonna resolve this in whatever way is best for you but his cheating ass ways aren't reflective of you, Lu. Trust me. I've been the cheating asshole before and it wasn't about the woman I was with, it was all about me. I'm saying that with every ounce of truth. Don't let the this drag you down further and further. This shit is on him.
 
#50
I'm really struggling today. I'm supposed to be going for an assessment tomorrow at a local recovery college to see what they can offer me. But I'm so far away from recovery. I can't stop crying. I feel like a worthless piece of shit. Fat, ugly, lazy, boring, needy, pathetic, stupid and pointless piece of shit. Why would he love me? Why would ANYONE love me? Even my own mother hates me so I must be totally unlovable.

I wish my last attempt had worked. Then he could be with her and be happy. She'd probably be a better mum to our kids so they'd be happy too. It would be better off all round. Do I really believe this? Right now, at this moment, yeah, I do.
Hi Lulabelle, what time is your appointment today - we will be thinking of you and if you feel able tell us how it goes. But don’t ever, ever think that someone could be a better mum to your children. YOU are the one they love, you are the one they need, you are their mum and you’re one of the best, sending you as much love as the internet can handle - loads and loads xx
.
 

Angel368

Well-Known Member
#51
I'm supposed to be going for an assessment tomorrow at a local recovery college to see what they can offer me
I just finished a 6 week course at my recovery college and even though it was challenging, I think it is the main reason why my mood has started to stabilise. Also I think you'll find their meaning of recovery is different to what you may imagine. And even if you don't get too much from the course, most people enjoy talking to people struggling with similar issues, and that is help in itself too.
 

gypsylee

SF Supporter
#53
Why would ANYONE love me? Even my own mother hates me so I must be totally unlovable.
{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}} I can relate to that. My mother has a nasty streak that I’m only starting to see clearly in my 40s. My younger brother is gone forever (as of 2014) and that woman still has her head in the sand. My father is distant but doesn’t have the nasty side.

The sad fact is some people are so wounded they can’t love unconditionally, which children need from at least one parent. My childhood wasn’t too bad but as a teenager the only way I could get my parents’ approval was academic achievement. I did that in spades but from about 15 I used substances to feel “normal”.

Anyway, feeling unloved by a parent (or both) is pretty devastating. I’ve never been in a romantic relationship longer than 5 years and the men have been scumbags. What I’m trying to say is that having an unloving mother doesn’t mean you are unlovable. It causes emotional havoc but it’s her, not you.

I like to think I’ve broken the cycle with my daughter who I love absolutely unconditionally, and I’ve let her know that again and again and again. I do have to give my parents credit for the fact that I *can* love unconditionally.

Gypsy x
 
#54
I'm really struggling today. I'm supposed to be going for an assessment tomorrow at a local recovery college to see what they can offer me. But I'm so far away from recovery. I can't stop crying. I feel like a worthless piece of shit. Fat, ugly, lazy, boring, needy, pathetic, stupid and pointless piece of shit. Why would he love me? Why would ANYONE love me? Even my own mother hates me so I must be totally unlovable.

I wish my last attempt had worked. Then he could be with her and be happy. She'd probably be a better mum to our kids so they'd be happy too. It would be better off all round. Do I really believe this? Right now, at this moment, yeah, I do.
I am so sorry that you are struggling so much. Please try to be gentle on yourself as you are dealing with so much...trying to support your mother through her cancer treatments and as you've mentioned she is not the easiest person to get along with in the best of times let alone when she is not feeling well and your suspicions about your husband cheating on you. Neither of these are a reflection on you and what a beautiful caring person you are as evidenced by all you help and care about here on SF. So I just know that you show that same love and compassion for your kids as well as their mom and they know this also. I'm not familiar with what a recovery college is being from the US but will it give you a place to voice your feelings and thoughts and maybe support with dealing with all of this? I hope that you are still planning on going to your therapist on Friday as believe that will also help you to talk about how you want to approach talking with your husband. Please be safe and know that you are not alone in all of this as we are all here for you. Sending you hugs.
 

Sunspots

Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#57
@Winter Blues and @Angel368 I went for the appointment at the recovery college this afternoon. Nearly didn't make it as I had to walk through town from the car park and then I couldn't find the building. But they put me at ease once I got there and the courses sounded interesting. I'm booked onto a six week course starting mid April called "Welcome to Recovery".
 

Sunspots

Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#58
I'm sorry you have a difficult relationship with your mother too @gypsylee :(

I don't know what I've ever done for her to dislike me so much. The difference between how my older brother and I were treated as children is striking. I always thought I was being over sensitive about it or maybe she did treat my brother the same way when he was alone but recent conversations with him have confirmed the difference. In fact, he's told me things I don't even remember as I was too young. Maybe one day I'll have the courage to ask her why...

I hope I've broken the cycle with my children too. I hope they know I love them unconditionally, I try to show it as much as possible but I worry that somehow I've damaged them.
 

Sunspots

Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#59
I'm not sure how to describe a recovery college @Kiwi2016... They run wellness courses rather than therapy. Some of the courses are on specific areas of mental health recovery while others are more fun workshop type courses on photography, crafts etc.

I'm seeing my CPN tomorrow and my therapist on Friday so I'll talk to them both before deciding what to do about Nick.
 
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