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Panicking. Don't know what to do

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Lulabelle, Mar 4, 2018.

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  1. I would agree to that if he hadn't been caught before.
  2. Lara_C

    Lara_C SF Supporter

    Well, those times he wasn't required to go to therapy as an essential prerequisite of Lu agreeing to attempt reconciliation.
  3. Kiwi2016

    Kiwi2016 Forum Pro

    Although I agree with what others have said...I also understand that this needs to be on your terms and time frame and talking to your therapist on Friday seems like the best course of action. So though I know that it may be hard to do don't allow him to be the one to decide if you can keep the appointment. I wondered can you talk to her/him on the phone perhaps before the appointment if you need to? And as others have said we are all here for you so encourage you to keep posting as you do matter and you aren't alone. And you clearly have an inner strength so hold tightly onto that. Sending you hugs.
    Lulabelle and Lara_C like this.
  4. Lara_C

    Lara_C SF Supporter

    Lulabelle likes this.
  5. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    Sorry to hear this

    I don't really know much about your relationship, and I'm not sure any of us do, other than you.

    I guess my 2 cents on it is that there's time to think about this.
    Lulabelle likes this.
  6. Lulabelle

    Lulabelle Forum Pro SF Supporter

    I'm really struggling today. I'm supposed to be going for an assessment tomorrow at a local recovery college to see what they can offer me. But I'm so far away from recovery. I can't stop crying. I feel like a worthless piece of shit. Fat, ugly, lazy, boring, needy, pathetic, stupid and pointless piece of shit. Why would he love me? Why would ANYONE love me? Even my own mother hates me so I must be totally unlovable.

    I wish my last attempt had worked. Then he could be with her and be happy. She'd probably be a better mum to our kids so they'd be happy too. It would be better off all round. Do I really believe this? Right now, at this moment, yeah, I do.
  7. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    Why would he stay married to you if he doesn't love you?

    A lot of people have bad relationships with their parents, it doesn't mean anything bad about you.
    Lulabelle likes this.
  8. Walker

    Walker Everything Zen Staff Member Safety & Support SF Social Media SF Supporter

    I came to check on this thread. Everyone has a lot of pennies to throw in here.

    I just told some guy in another thread that sometimes the fuckin' you're gettin just ain't worth the fuckin' you're gettin and that seems applicable here as well.

    You're gonna resolve this in whatever way is best for you but his cheating ass ways aren't reflective of you, Lu. Trust me. I've been the cheating asshole before and it wasn't about the woman I was with, it was all about me. I'm saying that with every ounce of truth. Don't let the this drag you down further and further. This shit is on him.
  9. Walker

    Walker Everything Zen Staff Member Safety & Support SF Social Media SF Supporter

    I'm sorry I have a potty mouth. I'm trying to clean it up because we have 13 year olds here, you know.
  10. Winter Blues

    Winter Blues SF Supporter

    Hi Lulabelle, what time is your appointment today - we will be thinking of you and if you feel able tell us how it goes. But don’t ever, ever think that someone could be a better mum to your children. YOU are the one they love, you are the one they need, you are their mum and you’re one of the best, sending you as much love as the internet can handle - loads and loads xx
  11. Angel368

    Angel368 Well-Known Member

    I just finished a 6 week course at my recovery college and even though it was challenging, I think it is the main reason why my mood has started to stabilise. Also I think you'll find their meaning of recovery is different to what you may imagine. And even if you don't get too much from the course, most people enjoy talking to people struggling with similar issues, and that is help in itself too.
    Lulabelle likes this.
  12. Doesn'tmatter

    Doesn'tmatter New Member

    You're not alone. I found out in labour mine was cheating but what's worse is he was screwing prostitutes for our whole relationship. So please know you're not alone
    Lulabelle likes this.
  13. gypsylee

    gypsylee SF Supporter

    {{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}} I can relate to that. My mother has a nasty streak that I’m only starting to see clearly in my 40s. My younger brother is gone forever (as of 2014) and that woman still has her head in the sand. My father is distant but doesn’t have the nasty side.

    The sad fact is some people are so wounded they can’t love unconditionally, which children need from at least one parent. My childhood wasn’t too bad but as a teenager the only way I could get my parents’ approval was academic achievement. I did that in spades but from about 15 I used substances to feel “normal”.

    Anyway, feeling unloved by a parent (or both) is pretty devastating. I’ve never been in a romantic relationship longer than 5 years and the men have been scumbags. What I’m trying to say is that having an unloving mother doesn’t mean you are unlovable. It causes emotional havoc but it’s her, not you.

    I like to think I’ve broken the cycle with my daughter who I love absolutely unconditionally, and I’ve let her know that again and again and again. I do have to give my parents credit for the fact that I *can* love unconditionally.

    Gypsy x
  14. Kiwi2016

    Kiwi2016 Forum Pro

    I am so sorry that you are struggling so much. Please try to be gentle on yourself as you are dealing with so much...trying to support your mother through her cancer treatments and as you've mentioned she is not the easiest person to get along with in the best of times let alone when she is not feeling well and your suspicions about your husband cheating on you. Neither of these are a reflection on you and what a beautiful caring person you are as evidenced by all you help and care about here on SF. So I just know that you show that same love and compassion for your kids as well as their mom and they know this also. I'm not familiar with what a recovery college is being from the US but will it give you a place to voice your feelings and thoughts and maybe support with dealing with all of this? I hope that you are still planning on going to your therapist on Friday as believe that will also help you to talk about how you want to approach talking with your husband. Please be safe and know that you are not alone in all of this as we are all here for you. Sending you hugs.
    Lulabelle and gypsylee like this.
  15. Lulabelle

    Lulabelle Forum Pro SF Supporter

    Because it would hit him financially if he left. And because it would make him look bad.
    AsphyxiateOnWords likes this.
  16. Lulabelle

    Lulabelle Forum Pro SF Supporter

    I have a potty mouth too :)
    Walker likes this.
  17. Lulabelle

    Lulabelle Forum Pro SF Supporter

    @Winter Blues and @Angel368 I went for the appointment at the recovery college this afternoon. Nearly didn't make it as I had to walk through town from the car park and then I couldn't find the building. But they put me at ease once I got there and the courses sounded interesting. I'm booked onto a six week course starting mid April called "Welcome to Recovery".
    Lara_C, Angel368 and Mercedesgirl like this.
  18. Lulabelle

    Lulabelle Forum Pro SF Supporter

    I'm sorry you have a difficult relationship with your mother too @gypsylee :(

    I don't know what I've ever done for her to dislike me so much. The difference between how my older brother and I were treated as children is striking. I always thought I was being over sensitive about it or maybe she did treat my brother the same way when he was alone but recent conversations with him have confirmed the difference. In fact, he's told me things I don't even remember as I was too young. Maybe one day I'll have the courage to ask her why...

    I hope I've broken the cycle with my children too. I hope they know I love them unconditionally, I try to show it as much as possible but I worry that somehow I've damaged them.
    gypsylee likes this.
  19. Lulabelle

    Lulabelle Forum Pro SF Supporter

    I'm not sure how to describe a recovery college @Kiwi2016... They run wellness courses rather than therapy. Some of the courses are on specific areas of mental health recovery while others are more fun workshop type courses on photography, crafts etc.

    I'm seeing my CPN tomorrow and my therapist on Friday so I'll talk to them both before deciding what to do about Nick.
    Kiwi2016 and Lara_C like this.
  20. Lulabelle

    Lulabelle Forum Pro SF Supporter

    Thanks everyone for your support. Feeling a little calmer today but that may just be the lack of sleep!

    I love you guys xxx
    Kiwi2016, Woowoo, may71 and 3 others like this.
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