I'm really struggling today. I'm supposed to be going for an assessment tomorrow at a local recovery college to see what they can offer me. But I'm so far away from recovery. I can't stop crying. I feel like a worthless piece of shit. Fat, ugly, lazy, boring, needy, pathetic, stupid and pointless piece of shit. Why would he love me? Why would ANYONE love me? Even my own mother hates me so I must be totally unlovable.
I wish my last attempt had worked. Then he could be with her and be happy. She'd probably be a better mum to our kids so they'd be happy too. It would be better off all round. Do I really believe this? Right now, at this moment, yeah, I do.