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Panicking over meeting with caseworker and therapist!

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by ThePhantomLady, Apr 27, 2016.

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  1. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    This meeting has been in the works for over a month... and it's tomorrow.

    I am unemployed, and in this country there are two ways to be that... either you are able to work, and have to be put through all sorts of stuff to find you a job, which never works... or you are too sick to work, in which they will constantly test this, and send you to all sorts of things that doesn't work either...

    Currently I am put in the first box... and have been for a while. Some months back I was attending some stuff that was supposed to get me a job... and once again it failed... I keep saying I just want a secretary job, I don't care where. But it has to be an office type job because of my sick spine and hip; and I always add that I surely would prefer the health sector, since that's what I'm trained for. But those places don't care about people... they care about the bonus they get per person who go through their course. And I was once again left out... and they accused me, once again, of ONLY wanting health care. Which I never said...

    Another thing is... I have realized I am too unwell mentally to hold a job. My anxiety is through the roof, and it only got worse after being bullied and dealing with a sociopath at my previous hospital job... the sociopath was the worst I think... I had to double check everything... she was destroying the important medical research I did, to make me look bad... and I had to watch my back constantly. It was such a stressful situation. I had to find new places every day to lock my physical work in, and every file I made on the computers I had to save several places, and start my day double checking which files she had corrupted and correct it.
    (I was not being paranoid, she seriously did all that. She spent more time ruining my work than doing her own work... which in the end I managed to 'use' against her)

    I haven't yet told my therapist about that work situation... but yeah... the meeting is tomorrow.

    At the meeting my therapist will be there, my caseworker from the unemployment office, and a caseworker from the therapy clinic. They, well 'we' are going to discuss my future.
    I am really nervous about the outcome... and I don't really understand what to expect either.
    If they deem me unfit for work, I still have to go into some form of activation... of course more 'protected' than if I was 'normal'.

    The thing is, I can't leave my flat on most days. I panic if I'm in a room alone with a man, my anxiety and depression is debilitating. I don't sleep at night...

    I know staying home won't make me better either... It only makes my anxiety worse...
    But I feel like they can't expect me to show up somewhere and expect me to be able to handle my own tasks...

    Ugh. I hate saying that. Despite the sociopath and the bully, I really enjoyed working at the hospital... especially after the sociopath was fired... and I got some more trusted skills... and I loved working with the kids. I was a very organized and fast secretary... I took pride in keeping everyones shedules in my head, and impressing one of the doctors time and time again by finishing a task much quicker than he expected... and I loved being the one people rang with questions like "That paper I sat with yesterday, where did I put it?" because they knew I had photographic memory...

    I was a good secretary.

    I worked at a hospital, at one of the best childhood obesity clinics in the world. The other people in my class of 'healthcare service secretaries' never got to work in healthcare, or even as a secretary...
    I worked for the Eurovision Song Contest as a PA for the Irish delegation, and I did well; the delegation leader even emailed the company and said this year had had the best PA's in a while.

    I was. I was... but something in me has cracked. A life of abuse has caught up with me. Working on it has really made me fall... I know I am working on building myself up... but yeah.

    So... ugh. I am so scared of that meeting tomorrow... What are they going to do to me?
    DrownedFishOnFire likes this.
  2. Brian777

    Brian777 Safety and Support SF Artist SF Supporter

    Hi my friend, I'm sorry you have to go through this. The world is a cruel place, they don't care about people as individuals, only numbers and money. The stress of going to these meetings is enough to make you sick and they analyse everything you say and twist it. Maybe write down what you want to say so you don't forget. Try and relax and not worry and I hope everything goes well for you tomorrow. Bless you.
    ThePhantomLady likes this.
  3. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    But that's the thing... I don't understand what this meeting really is... so I don't even know what to prepare... my therapist and I were supposed to prepare yesterday... but all the time went with talking about my ex idiot.
  4. Brian777

    Brian777 Safety and Support SF Artist SF Supporter

    oh boy :( I'm sorry that happened. All you can do is the best you can, I wish I had some answers my friend, you're smart so just go with what you feel, that's all you can do at this point.
    ThePhantomLady likes this.
  5. mpk

    mpk Well-Known Member

    Phantom lady, I'm sorry you have to deal with the government. I would suggest you keep all medical documentation in a separate file and take it to every appointment. It is hard for the government to say you can work if the medical info indicates otherwise.
    ThePhantomLady likes this.
  6. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Seeing is Believing Forum Pro SF Supporter

    It might not help giving the random generic response but maybe hearing some other perspective on this situation that you didn't see or think about could come to light and give you a solution/hope.

    I am currently dealing with a coworker that is hellbent on backstabbing me and causing stabboages in my workplace and it is affecting my clients. We not just me, other fellow coworkers is now catching onto her. I was going nuts for a while at work knowing I did certain things and getting yelled at by my boss for doing stuff ive not even done. It does suck creating unnecessary bullshit for me on top of workplace that's supposed to be my escape from my real problems.

    Anyhow really hope your meeting tomorrow goes well and maybe mentally it'll come back to you once you get back into the grind with the appropriate supportive work environment that makes a huge difference to ones work mojo
    ThePhantomLady likes this.
  7. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    So just an update...

    The meeting went okay. I had really high anxiety before doing it, and my body even worked on delaying me... I really didn't want to go... but I did.

    I was early (always have to be, since I have to walk there, and yeah, walking is not always good.
    But yeah, I was there early... and lots of people were in the waiting room (I always hate that) and I was wondering who of them were my unemployment caseworker... (I've never met or even spoken to her since I got a new one). Well, I found out when a woman approached the counter and I overheard her asking for my therapist and the clinics caseworker (she got my therapist's name wrong... which didn't help me much).

    The meeting happened, and I still wanted to run...

    But in the end it got a positive outcome.

    The poor young unemployment was a bit confused about why she was there, and why I was in 'her' part of the unemployment system at all when she realized what I was struggling with. My therapist was too... It's a lot of 'work' being unemployed...

    But from now on I've been moved to the other system... for the next months I am not to attend anything, and I don't have to send out pointless applications and worry what I am being forced to at a days notice.

    I am also getting a new caseworker... and my therapist and the clinic caseworker have said that once that is in place they want to make another meeting with that person...

    But for now I got the outcome I wanted.

    I am just feeling a bit like a failure as well... the unemployment caseworker listed all my educations and jobs I had, and said she was very impressed and thought I was highly employable from my papers... but yeah... because of my sh'tty life I can't work... at least not now...

    And I know my mum will be pissed once she finds out. The caseworker asked why I had never said anything about all of this... well there's your answer. My mum... she taught me to hide everything, and she keeps telling me the most important thing is a job; and she keeps repeating to me "Don't talk too much so they think you're sicker than you are, that way you'll never get a job"


    Anyway, this is the best thing for me right now.

    And here's to hoping that it doesn't mess up my unemployment benefits payments... It's happened way too often, having only a little bit saved I'm doomed if I don't get my benefits.
    DrownedFishOnFire and Brian777 like this.
  8. Brian777

    Brian777 Safety and Support SF Artist SF Supporter

    Great stuff!!!! I'm so glad it worked out for you. I know you'd rather be able to work, but at least now you don't have to worry about all the stupid red tape they make you go through. Now you can breathe a sigh of relief at least for the unemployment fiasco. :)
  9. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Seeing is Believing Forum Pro SF Supporter

    :) glad to see it turned out to be okay!

    ThePhantomLady likes this.
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