panikattacks!

[kisskott]

btw: Hi I'm kinde of new here..

I don't even know what the hell i'm doing right now but i really need something to do I dont know what's wrong with me but I can start telling a short background:

a long time ago I were having real fucking problems every night I staid up and I cut my arm up like i sausage becuse I was having panikattacks I was turning in to another person I weren't the nice kisskott I usully am I wanted to HURT people and I were hyperstressed and I was just freaking out I have no idea why??.. and then for the summer came and I grauated 9th grade (witch in sweden is something like the end of highshool or something i don't know)

and all summer I worked at a hardware store and I was just normal like nothing ever happend and now a few moths later I am getting these panikattacks agian they come like once a moth I am turning in to another person and all I wan't to do is get the ANGER AND PANIK GO AWAY !! sometimes I am really scared of myself that I'm going to hurt someone. But I don't allow myself to cut away the other person anymore sense last time I did that the other person were standing at the door the next night agian..

and now I am starting to get worked up agian and I have no Idea what to do ! I have a very sharp razorblade that I know can let it all go away but I can't use it !! that's one of the last things I still have control over!! and I am not letting that go!


I am sorry for my bad english...

the thing I really wan't to say with this post is: Do I need to seek help or something and what will happed when I do? I really don't want my parents to findout that I am having these kinde of problems but sense I am underage I know that they will get a call or something.. Do any one of you guys know what you might call this "disorder?" if I even have one or if I'm just inzain

well once agian I dont know what I am doing and you dont have do repost if you don't get a word of what I am saying..

phuu after wrighting this it feels better alredy

 

[Vega]

Sometimes we all get the urge to hurt people. It's in the human nature to find out what it's like to just clean someones clock. However with how hard it's coming to you I have to ask, is there anything going on at home? Something that might trigger such thoughts about hurting someone? As for having a disorder, it doesn't sound much like you have one. I would liketo get to know more of these symptoms/urges though. We'll see if we can't help you out.

 

[kisskott]

well it's hard to explane .. It all started sometime in the middle of 9th grade when all these memmories started to pop-up in my head that I had forgotten all about

and I cudden't get the picturues out of my head. "my head is beeing pressed under the water I'm in panik......"

everytime I felt stress I started to become another person. and I can't let that person out becuse if I do something bad will happen. so I hurt myself to get rid of that guy and then he vanished for a few month and now he is back sometimes for no reason I'm just sitting infront of my computer and I feel the stress and I freak out... I am speaking in 3th person and I get agry and I feel strong regret and I almost get clostrofobic. and I get suicidal feelings

well my english sucks ass so mabie I should try to finde some swedish site like this insted but thanks for the reply

 

[Vega]

Your english is fine, I'm understanding you.

What do you mean stress? Like what kind of stress, and what were some of your major triggers when they were relevant? Has anything happened to make a constant trigger?