btw: Hi I'm kinde of new here..
I don't even know what the hell i'm doing right now but i really need something to do I dont know what's wrong with me but I can start telling a short background:
a long time ago I were having real fucking problems every night I staid up and I cut my arm up like i sausage becuse I was having panikattacks I was turning in to another person I weren't the nice kisskott I usully am I wanted to HURT people and I were hyperstressed and I was just freaking out I have no idea why??.. and then for the summer came and I grauated 9th grade (witch in sweden is something like the end of highshool or something i don't know)
and all summer I worked at a hardware store and I was just normal like nothing ever happend and now a few moths later I am getting these panikattacks agian they come like once a moth I am turning in to another person and all I wan't to do is get the ANGER AND PANIK GO AWAY !! sometimes I am really scared of myself that I'm going to hurt someone. But I don't allow myself to cut away the other person anymore sense last time I did that the other person were standing at the door the next night agian..
and now I am starting to get worked up agian and I have no Idea what to do ! I have a very sharp razorblade that I know can let it all go away but I can't use it !! that's one of the last things I still have control over!! and I am not letting that go!
I am sorry for my bad english...
the thing I really wan't to say with this post is: Do I need to seek help or something and what will happed when I do? I really don't want my parents to findout that I am having these kinde of problems but sense I am underage I know that they will get a call or something.. Do any one of you guys know what you might call this "disorder?" if I even have one or if I'm just inzain
well once agian I dont know what I am doing and you dont have do repost if you don't get a word of what I am saying..
phuu after wrighting this it feels better alredy
I don't even know what the hell i'm doing right now but i really need something to do I dont know what's wrong with me but I can start telling a short background:
a long time ago I were having real fucking problems every night I staid up and I cut my arm up like i sausage becuse I was having panikattacks I was turning in to another person I weren't the nice kisskott I usully am I wanted to HURT people and I were hyperstressed and I was just freaking out I have no idea why??.. and then for the summer came and I grauated 9th grade (witch in sweden is something like the end of highshool or something i don't know)
and all summer I worked at a hardware store and I was just normal like nothing ever happend and now a few moths later I am getting these panikattacks agian they come like once a moth I am turning in to another person and all I wan't to do is get the ANGER AND PANIK GO AWAY !! sometimes I am really scared of myself that I'm going to hurt someone. But I don't allow myself to cut away the other person anymore sense last time I did that the other person were standing at the door the next night agian..
and now I am starting to get worked up agian and I have no Idea what to do ! I have a very sharp razorblade that I know can let it all go away but I can't use it !! that's one of the last things I still have control over!! and I am not letting that go!
I am sorry for my bad english...
the thing I really wan't to say with this post is: Do I need to seek help or something and what will happed when I do? I really don't want my parents to findout that I am having these kinde of problems but sense I am underage I know that they will get a call or something.. Do any one of you guys know what you might call this "disorder?" if I even have one or if I'm just inzain
well once agian I dont know what I am doing and you dont have do repost if you don't get a word of what I am saying..
phuu after wrighting this it feels better alredy