Paralysis

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by hifallutin, Jul 13, 2011.

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  1. hifallutin

    hifallutin New Member

    I'm supposed to be working on an MA. Lost mother when I was 14. I'm 26 now and for 12 years all I have done is grieve. That's what I'm doing now except it has transformed into self-hatred. I've realized that I have absolutely no confidence in anything I do, I've pushed people away and have no one to talk to. People around me are doing fabulous things with their lives and I'm just stalling. It aches so much. I have a paper due this Friday that my university is waiting for. If I don't turn it in they'll lose all credibility in me. Every time I sit down to write, I just beat myself up. At 26 I fear I will not be able to beat that habit. Thank you for reading.
     
  2. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Have you had any form of grief counselling?
    Losing your mother at such a young and difficult age, it's no wonder you feel stuck.
     
  3. hifallutin

    hifallutin New Member

    Thank you for responding, Terry. My mother found out she was sick when I was 7 and put me in therapy at the age of 12 I suppose as a way to prevent the situation that I am in now. I have been in therapy and on depression medication since the age of 14. All my therapists have talked about my need for grief therapy, but no one has taken it on. At the moment, I have a postive outlook, but the scary thing about what I'm dealing with is the quickness with which my moods change. The fact is I have absolutely no security in my life. My father and I have drifted apart thanks to his new wife, I live in Europe where I constantly have to change apartments and my relationships with men are always unhealthy. Unhealthy because I'm too eager for intimacy. I recently lost someone who I had so much in common with, we were sexually compatible as well, but he didn't view me as relationship material. In fact, he wanted to "keep"me as a friend so he could unload his romantic trauma on me. He was very manipulative and told me I needed help every time I stood up for myself. Every encounter with the opposite sex has either ended in me throwing a huge tantrum about how exploitative they were or they leave me. I'm currently trying to focus on self-development, but do not manage to trust myself when things need to be done (papers)..then I don't turn them in, and the suicidal thinking rots me.
     
  4. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Put foot down and demand the grief counselling.
    Put all relationships on hold, because none are going to work with all these unresolved feelings off loss.
     
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