My paranoia has gotten worse over the last year. I just never feel save. Even though i live in an apartment on the 3rd floor, somehow i always fear someone (or thing) will come to torture and kill me up there. I have been sleeping with my back against the wall ever since i was little. I thought someone might cut my hair off in my sleep, pull out my teeth or drag me out of the bed by my feet. So i always tucked in the blanket and covered my head, but only so i could still see everything. I always thought that someone was watching me constanty and whatever i did would give them an idea on how to torture me. To this day i still cant sleep with my back not against the wall and my hair tucked in. Or in a completely dark room. Now i check every room twice, every corner, just any place where someone could hide. Im not even using the living room and second bedroom bc i dont like walking by dark rooms at night. So i keep them locked. I have everything in one room so that i dont have to leave it (besides kitchen and bathroom obviously and believe me, i thought about bringing the fridge in the bedroom too). Everytime i shower i just constantly stare at the door knob to see if its moving even though i lock the door. I dont even have a shower curtain. When i bend over the sink to brush my teeth, i stare at the fausset to see the reflection of someone possibly standing behind me. Everytime i look in the mirror i almost expect to see someone standing behind or next to me. A little while ago i always took forever to fall asleep bc i had to sit up to see if i could see the shawdow of feet under the door every couple seconds (i had left the lights on outside the room) I have my desk standing away from the wall so that i can sit against the wall and still see every thing. sometimes i just sit in silence to see if i can hear something. And yeah i have taken it in consideration that the attic above me or my second bed room might be haunted bc i heard voices coming from there before. i have the only apartment on the floor and there is only one woman living below mine. But its not just my apartment, its everywhere i go, even with someone there with me. I cannot stand the dark or dark windows where you can look inside but not outside. all the pictures of what could happen and how they could get in and who or what could get in just come to my mind. I kind of expect for it to happen and i want to be prepared and in control when it does happen. You can laugh away, thats fine. I cant tell anyone without laughing myself bc it is rediculous. But in the very moment(S) is just exhausting not being able to kick off and relax for a damn minute without being hyper alert.