Sadly, I was the target of attack by everyone in my household for years (wife and 2 daughters). It started when I lost my job and was forced to move. We had a family vote and agonized over the decision to move. But everyone voted for it, the pros outweighed the cons.
In the year after moving, everyone blamed me (behind my back) about the adjustments we all had to go through. If it was done to my face, I could have done something about it to help. I was swamped with new responsibilities at work and at home. My wife was newly physically disabled
Just want to put this out there. When this dynamic of everyone blaming someone happens in a household, it cripples the family unit. I grew more upset at the lack of connection and increasingly frustrated which led to me sometimes getting angry. My wife continued to spoil the kids, since she felt guilty about having to move them away from where we were previously happy. I tried to get the kids to cooperate in household chores, which my disabled wife and I really struggled with. And the resistance from the kids was always there. Especially since other kids in our new community were very spoiled, our kids resented helping us at all.
This dynamic weakened and eventually destroyed my relationships with my family, and I continued providing for years without any gratitude. This whole thing has left us all broke. My daughter has left for college and has been validated by everyone that I was a monster. I lost my temper badly once in those years and hit her, which I deeply regret, and have apologized profusely with tears for. She was validated heavily and refuses to see anything but her point of view. I am just a demon to her now, after 18 years of hard work of raising a child, she wants nothing to do with me. She has even asked her Mom to divorce me. Her Mom is now in an impossible position of being asked to choose between her husband and child, which is severe emotional blackmail from our oldest kid.
I am tempted to martyr myself some days so that my wife is released from this hell of a choose, and so that my daughter and wife can reunite. Daughter refuses to come home even during the pandemic, and even though all her classes are remote. Then I lost my job two months ago. And got a new one starting next week fortunately.
But even good news is not good news for me, since we are living in a hell of being rejected. I am trying to teach my daughter the concept of zero sum thinking. She has yet to realize that in a family, it's not about individual wins, it's about the unit winning. She has used my mistake again and again and it has become her only conception of me. Not the 18 years of providing things that she needed. But one event, and my relationship with her has been ruined. Folks, be careful of being in relationships where you are demonized behind your back.
I have only forgiveness to offer my daughter, but she refuses to accept her role, since she is just an irresponsible, selfish spoiled 18 year old. I cannot relate to this from my childhood, but it seems to be a big problem these days.
Hope someone can find some good in this. Be careful people.
In the year after moving, everyone blamed me (behind my back) about the adjustments we all had to go through. If it was done to my face, I could have done something about it to help. I was swamped with new responsibilities at work and at home. My wife was newly physically disabled
Just want to put this out there. When this dynamic of everyone blaming someone happens in a household, it cripples the family unit. I grew more upset at the lack of connection and increasingly frustrated which led to me sometimes getting angry. My wife continued to spoil the kids, since she felt guilty about having to move them away from where we were previously happy. I tried to get the kids to cooperate in household chores, which my disabled wife and I really struggled with. And the resistance from the kids was always there. Especially since other kids in our new community were very spoiled, our kids resented helping us at all.
This dynamic weakened and eventually destroyed my relationships with my family, and I continued providing for years without any gratitude. This whole thing has left us all broke. My daughter has left for college and has been validated by everyone that I was a monster. I lost my temper badly once in those years and hit her, which I deeply regret, and have apologized profusely with tears for. She was validated heavily and refuses to see anything but her point of view. I am just a demon to her now, after 18 years of hard work of raising a child, she wants nothing to do with me. She has even asked her Mom to divorce me. Her Mom is now in an impossible position of being asked to choose between her husband and child, which is severe emotional blackmail from our oldest kid.
I am tempted to martyr myself some days so that my wife is released from this hell of a choose, and so that my daughter and wife can reunite. Daughter refuses to come home even during the pandemic, and even though all her classes are remote. Then I lost my job two months ago. And got a new one starting next week fortunately.
But even good news is not good news for me, since we are living in a hell of being rejected. I am trying to teach my daughter the concept of zero sum thinking. She has yet to realize that in a family, it's not about individual wins, it's about the unit winning. She has used my mistake again and again and it has become her only conception of me. Not the 18 years of providing things that she needed. But one event, and my relationship with her has been ruined. Folks, be careful of being in relationships where you are demonized behind your back.
I have only forgiveness to offer my daughter, but she refuses to accept her role, since she is just an irresponsible, selfish spoiled 18 year old. I cannot relate to this from my childhood, but it seems to be a big problem these days.
Hope someone can find some good in this. Be careful people.
