part of my soul

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Kassy, Aug 13, 2011.

  1. Kassy

    Kassy Well-Known Member

    I have written a page on me : how I feel and what my life looks like in this constant pain. Each time I read it, I cried. It is a part of my soul, of my so damaged soul.

    Today, I tried (again) to have a conversation about emotions with my husband. As usual, it fails. As usual, I cried. As usual, I think it is time to get divorced.

    But in 1 ultimate moment of clearness, I had the idea to make him read my text. So he would understand so deeply what it is like inside me.

    He read it, did not say a word and went out for a cigarette. He came back, looked sad, but did not say anything about the letter.

    I should have understand to STOP the conversation there. But no...I had to ask him how he was feeling about it. His answer is like a sharp knife killing me, stabbing me, again and again. I want to cry so hard and to self-harm so badly. I was not expecting something in particular, but there is limits which should be respected with selfishness...his of course.

    By now, maybe you want to know what he answers, maybe not. Maybe you think I am exagerating again. Maybe not. But what is life if not a web of "maybe", ready in case you need them. My husband answered :"I was disappointed because I already know all of this about you. I was expecting new stuff."

    I hate him.
    I hate myself.
    I hate life.
     
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    How thoughtless..I am sorry you were treated this way...you deserve better...so please try to get it...J
     
  3. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    wow, I'm blown away by his response, has he no heart? to know that you're in pain should have at least stir something inside him...I'm so sorry you're going through that and he's not supporting you...you need to find people who will support you, respect you and help you the best way they can...:hugtackles:
     
  4. Kassy

    Kassy Well-Known Member

    And now what ?

    I dont even know if I still love him.

    How do you know that kind of thing ?

    He sais he is on a lit to see a therapist, but there is a delay of 6 months at least. I do not know if I can hold on that long with a man who can not support me.
     
  5. kreative1

    kreative1 Well-Known Member

    Sadly, most people will never understand unless they too have or are going through hell. Not worth forcing it on them, like talking to a tree, if you can, take a week or 2 and go away, take some me time, be selfish for a change and take time out to gather, clear mind and regroup. Look after yourself first.