Party scare me, please help!

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Hatebeingasian, Sep 4, 2008.

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  1. Last year coming into college as a freshman, I was unprepared for the challenge that awaited me. I didn't realize that the first day of school there was a party. I went outside and everyone was dancing. My head was telling me "run back into my room and shut the door" and for a moment I wanted to, but I want to be able to dance as well. The whole 2 hours I stood next to a wall like a loser, I couldn't talk to anyone, I was afraid people would laugh at me when I dance. I was too nervous, and it felt like I was frozen. Finally when I got the courage to talk to people, they simply just ignore me, it seem that day half of the people there made friends, on the first day. The first day forecast my entire first year as scare and lonely.

    Now a new year is upon us, and for me school start in late September. I can tell you right now that I am really scare, I don't know if I have the guts to dance. I haven't ever gotten drunk or drink more than a can of beer, but I know most people do get drunk to feel relax and dances. People on different forums tell me to take a chance, but I'm too scare. I could play it safe and never go to a single party in my life, but then what fun is that, to have to hide everyone, that is moronic. Right now the biggest thing I am concern is the welcome back dance at the center of the school outdoor. Last years so many pretty girl, most were on crack, weed, drunk, or whatever they could get there hand on. This girls are so wild, I don't know if I can handle them. I want to, because I want one as my girlfriend someday but I lack that confidence to be myself around an area of a couple of thousand student, and yes the dance is that big. I mean so many random girls and guys bumping and grinding each other everywhere, it like sex fest without the sex.

    Guys and girls please give me some advice. I need to do this dance, or else my future look too grim. The only thing is this dance is 2 week in after the school start, so I will have time to experience with alcohol and know my limit to getting drunk and not a hangover.

    I'm so scare right now, I don't want to take the coward way out, I want to stand up and face my fear.

    Right now my prediction according to my feeling is that I will skip that dance, but I don't want to, especially 2 week is enough to make friends, and I know these girls are all up for it. Maybe I could tell them I'm sick, but that just lame.

  2. Abacus21

    Abacus21 Staff Alumni

    Everyone's different, everyone's unique. I don't really like parties either, so you're not alone there. The fact that you want to 'stand up and face your fear' is good - it can be scary, but try and do it :)

    I'm going to attempt to be a bit more outgoing etc, when it gets to university in 3 weeks time for me, I guess we've all got to just bite the bullet and get on with things.
  3. Please let me know how ti goes for you, I have college in three week as well.
  4. ...........

    ........... Guest

    You don't need to do all that. You don't need to do all that to make friends or to have a girlfriend.

    You know what? Yesterday I stopped by the river to eat my lunch. This was near a university campus btw. So there are people enrolling, moving into halls around now. And I was eating my lunch among many people. And this young man approached me and I thought, ok maybe he just wants a conversation. He started asking me if I was alone, if I came with a male or female, what was my name (I lied throughout, he said his name was 'Prince' :laugh:) and then when I started to want to know where he was heading, he said that he was single how he should be settling down and he saw ' a beautiful girl from afar' and needed to come up to me. WTF?

    I grabbed my stuff said 'You're scaring me, I'm not interested' and moved swiftly away.

    Lots of those people at parties are scared. Really scared, a lot like you.
    And I don't think many people find boyfriends/girlfriends at places like that. When they are off whatever they are on, they aren't that 'wild' it's all a show.

    And finding a girlfriend doesn't mean doing the bump and grind at a meat market type party or performing scary chat up lines like what I experienced.

    You don't have to do any of that, or dance or drink.

    Look at it as a ritual. University students can feel an enormous amount of pressure like you- but it comes out in different ways- one of them is seen in these parties/dances type things. I bet there are other people A. not attending this dance B. don't want to do all that stuff C. participating in this ritual and not really enjoying one minute of it.
  5. Clockwork Reality

    Clockwork Reality Well-Known Member

    You don't have to go to a dance if you don't want to. Colleges offer all sorts of extracurricular activites. You could join a debate team, model UN, an art club; hell, my university even had an anime fanclub. Shop around a little bit.
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