Party Time

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by sweetsweet, May 17, 2008.

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  1. sweetsweet

    sweetsweet Well-Known Member

    Finally got the place to my self. Went out and got enough liquor to kill at least a baby elephant plus some beer. So a big drinking party with myself! Hell fucking yeah This shit is pathetic. I'll try like in the past but I'll doubt I'll be able to actually cause life threatening injuries with the drinking. I've always thrown up in the past. So therapist doctor gave be some bullshit anxiety/sleeping pills. She didn't seem like she knew what she was doing. None of them do. I try to open up but they still don't get how I feel. Oh well, the Valium is gone(my dumbass fault) and it will be awhile before I can get more. so I'll have to deal with whatever this generic little pills are. Plus there's the lithium but that doesnt really do anything. The last time I purposely overdosed on those I got my ass kicked for a couple of days. worse overdose I've been through.

    But:party: tonight. Getting wasted is the goal I say I want. But not waking up would be the icing of the cake.

    By the way, I'm drinking alone because I have 0 friends. And a few associates Alright last beer drink before I start on the liquor in couple of hours.
  2. sweetsweet

    sweetsweet Well-Known Member

    Just wanted everyone to know that this is sad. I don't really cry but if I were one to do it often I would be doing it right now. I'm just sitting here alone drinking vodka that has to mixed and I already feel a stomach pain coming on(that could be from needing to go to the bathroom) In the morning I will feel like shit and regret ever have opened up this much and play it off as if I'm not one of those "disgusting" lonely people. Yet I have to be the loneliest person I know in my life. There's not one person I can think of who has less friends and social contact than me. So I'll take more of those weak ass pills later and probably wake up around 8 feeling great and ready to go back to playomg the role I've beem given. I blame my weight. People are always commenting about how it looks like I am strong and work out, but this is weight that I really don't want. I just know if I were smaller these drugs and alcohol would do more damage. Alright, back to the vodka. I'va actually gotten down more than I expected.
  3. Patch

    Patch Well-Known Member

    I wish you wouldn't hurt yourself:sad:even if this doesn't kill you tonight it will probably kill you later in life, when you may be alot happier.
  4. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    The great thing about alcohol is it drowns your troubles for awhile. The bad thing is you wake up the next day paying for that little while of escape. Hun instead of punishing yourself, why not call a crisis line and tell them exactly how you feel. They will listen and give you helpful "real" advice. They may even have a few solutions you havent tried or heard yet. Please give it a try, atleast you wont feel as bad in the morning compared to a night of booze.
  5. emilykatie101

    emilykatie101 Well-Known Member

    This doesnt sound like a party to me.
    I hope that you are okay. I have overdosed on pills before. I read your post
    and I can taste the pills in my mouth and the charcoal stuff I was forced to drink in the ER when I was found. It makes my stomach hurt.
    If your therapist isnt helping you, maybe you can shop around for a new one?
    There are better ways of dealing with your problems.
    This self abuse is only going to create brand new problems for you.
    Your health is at serious risk. You could end up in the hospital for a very long
    and expensive stay.
    Reach out for help and support instead. You will find that you aren't
    alone and you will make friends.
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