I'm in an unusually chatty mood tonight so excuse me for the plethora of posts/responses. That in mind, they are genuinely felt. I'm wondering if anyone else does this. Sometimes I can't quite commit to the idea of actually ME doing it [killing myself] so I think of all the ways I can put myself in situations where it may happen but because i haven't entirely committed to it... it's not my 'fault'. i don't want to be in trouble for listing any methods but moreso i don't want to give anyone else ideas, though i recognise these are pretty...far off the mark, but i'm talking about trying to get illnesses like from being in the sun too long. disclaimer: which is a HORRIBLE thing to experience, and for people to go through. I don't mean to be insensitive to anyone who's lost someone in that way. i kinda feel like i'm handing myself over to god, he seems to goddamn (lol pun) intent on sending me signals and messages triggering me to end it, i might as well put the ball back in his court.... it's not as direct as o/d ing, which i mean come on there's definate intent.