I'm not sure what to say or do anymore.. lately the flashbacks and memories are haunting me, they won't stop, it even haunts me in my sleep. I want it to all go away, and it's been years since it has last happened, I end up hurting myself, punishing myself, and the rapes and sexual abuse were not only by one abusers I've had a handful of them, in childhood and adult life as well. the pas couple days the one specific memory comes back, the first time I was sexually abused, I was about 7 years old, and I wrote a poem about it yesterday. I feel so alone. I want it to stop. A sad child sits alone in her room, He walks in sits down by her he looks her right in the eye with piercing eyes and tells her she is such a special little girl, The man tells her though abandoned and unwanted that she is special - he proclaims he will prove to her how special she is - the man Tells her she must do as he says - he forces himself on her - as he does that he tells her how very lucky she is to have such a purpose in life - the child cries out begging 'please stop, I'm sorry if I was bad', He whispers in her ear 'this has just begun girl', The piercing eyes and wicked voice remains with her - a 7 year old child always within.