Past and future

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by UNDERWORLD, Jan 8, 2008.

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  1. UNDERWORLD

    UNDERWORLD Member

    Were do i start, so much going wrong.

    I cry all the time as my past destroys the last bit of a future i have. Isolated inside my head.
    Pain when i can feel it reminds me that im still here.

    Nothing matters now, everything is gone. Just a hollow life left.

    Sorry
     
  2. Labrynth

    Labrynth Active Member

    Hi Underworld,

    Just wanted you to know that we are here to listen if you need to talk about whats going wrong in your life at the moment.

    Why are you apologising?
     
  3. UNDERWORLD

    UNDERWORLD Member

    My life is falling apart and i just want it to end.

    Dealing with the abuse of my past and the shame and disgust i feel is nearly breaking me.

    Just one life full of shit since i was born, unwanted, abused, hurt and the list goes on.
    I have tried to commit suicide three times in childhood and once as an adult. Did not succeed, sounds pityful i know. I cant live with this life and i fuck up when i try to finish it.

    Why do i apologise, i just feel i should for this wasted, tainted life i lead.
     
  4. jollificator

    jollificator New Member

    Please tell your story, Im pretty sure this world would be a better place with YOU in it ..rather than the abusive environment you grew up with.
     
  5. Veclord

    Veclord Active Member

    Abuse is an awful thing to endure. Some of the worst things about it is that it not only has the risk of repeating itself through generations, it drives a person's emotional psyche haywire and lasts a lifetime. Some of the worlds worst serial killers were abused children.

    If it helps to tell you, I and others have grown up suffering this to all kinds of varying degrees, and it helps to talk to someone who understands even when you don't know them personally. Let's try that first. You're free to PM me anytime I'm online ;).
     
  6. UNDERWORLD

    UNDERWORLD Member

    god i hate this

    Yes it does last a lifetime and send everythng haywire.

    Im now on meds that are making me spacey and tired all the time. Needed to boost my meds.
    The old feelings are coming back, i thought i had managed to get rid of them. The feel of the knife on skin and flame burning the wrist. The new meds are keeping the feelings at a level i can control them for now.

    I have nightmares
    I wake in the night screaming and crying
    I sleep only a few hours every week
    I dissasociate
    I lose time
    I have anger outburst
    Im scared all the time

    i have found that childhood abuse does not just last a lifetime it becomes your life. However much i try to hide it in the back of my mind and forget. What they did to me is always there, haunting me, shapeing how i look at the world.
    I just want something that i know i can never have, and that is my childhood back. So im stuck in this adult body i hate and shut off from life.
     
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