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Past Love Experiences

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Aerial, Oct 23, 2009.

  1. Aerial

    Aerial Well-Known Member

    What happened with your past love experiences and how did you get through each of them after they ended? If you're comfortable walking down memory lane, please share. Maybe it will help me sort through some emotions I struggle with.

    I'm just wondering because rejection and breakup is always something I've hated and feared. This has a lot to do with why I get nervous about making connections in the future. Some people have been much been better than I was at handling disappointment, so I guess I can assume that means they are probably better prepared for it if or when it happens again?
  2. NoGood

    NoGood Well-Known Member

    I know this sounds terrible but it how my friends and i get over someone, we find another crush asap. The honeymoon period of a relationship is always the best. The flirting, the texting, the butterflies in your belly. You dont have to fall in love with the next person but just use them for what you need which will probably be fun and easiness.

    And on top of that, you will find someone when you least expect it. I was dating a guy for several months and he just stood me up out of the blue and i never heard from him again - 10 days later i met my partner (of 7yrs now) and it was the best thing ever to happen to me.

    Actually i did hear from that ex boyfriend again about 3 months he stood me up, he apologised and asked me to get back with him.......LOSER!!!!!! :p
  3. Aerial

    Aerial Well-Known Member

    I've heard this before. The rebound strategy can work well for some people, but for me when I am distraught over a breakup, I can't seem to focus on anyone else at the moment. It's like all I can see or think about is the person I was just with. My sex drive even hits subzero. I usually don't have the mind and energy to really focus on anyone else. What I result in doing is isolating myself. Completely. Until I can emerge again.

    Maybe that's the worst thing to do, to be alone with my pain. I don't know.
  4. Remedy

    Remedy Chat & Forum Buddy

    I've previously had two 'break ups' both were very painful at first... but the best thing to do is to get past the hurt and see that there are other guys / girls out there. Also keep in mind that it's okay to grieve and cry, it's all part of the process. I agree with 'NoGood'.. you will find someone when you least expect it! And it's likely to be a better relationship.. because you'll have learnt from past mistakes. :)
  5. lost43215

    lost43215 Well-Known Member

    Ive always done the breakups in my past 3 relationships, but even so, and even if I hadnt been the one to, I still get over them rather easily. To me, the other person's happyness is hugely important. If they want to break up with me, or me with them, it's ultimately for the reason that it'll make them happier in the end, which is fine with me. I also know that even tho I think someone is the one, or that I have deep emotional ties to that person, Ill always cherish those moments, but to remember there are always others out there that will be equally as enjoyable to me if not moreso. Ya, Ive lost that level of a relationship with that person, but usually always ill go to just being friends, staying that way, and then go on the lookout for someone else. Id rather be sure that I find someone who I can spend plenty of years with in the end than find someone who I think I can, or who might be just ok as a shortterm thing.
  6. lonercarrot

    lonercarrot Well-Known Member

    I'm almost 21 and I've only ever been in love with one person, when I was ~18. We never dated or anything, but just being around her and getting some attention from her was enough for me. It was really amazing while it lasted
  7. Kruger613

    Kruger613 Member

    This is one of the main reasons I'm here right now. Recently went through a bad breakup with someone I thought was the "one" and really cared for. She left me, began dating someone else and on top of that she went out of her way to be as hurtful as possible to me in the process.

    One thing you have to do to make it through something like is, is to remove everything in your life that reminds you of that person. Pictures, gifts, messages, everything. It helps to keep the person out of your mind, and if they are not on your mind it doesn't hurt as much.
  8. Reki

    Reki Well-Known Member

    I think the best way is usually to fall for someone else. Giving yourself time to understand what happened and why, if there is an obvious why, is good but I don't think you actually start moving on until you meet someone new and your ex officially becomes part of your past.

    One experience I remember was in high school. I had a huge crush on this girl and had no idea what I was doing. If it hadn't been for another guy pushing me on I doubt I would have approached her at all because she was way out of my league. To my surprise, we ended up going out for a while and I heard about a party coming up and thought I'd check if she wanted to go. My cell was dead so I borrowed my brother's and it was already loaded with calls and texts to and from her number. I read a few and it just killed me inside, I felt sick. Anyone who's ever been betrayed suddenly and unexpectedly by someone they care for knows the feeling I'm talking about. What's worse is that he got the number from my cell in the first place.

    It was a good thing in the long run, it helped me get over my fear of rejection. I've had a few breakups since then and none of them were as bad as that. About a year or so later we even talked about it and she apologized. I wouldn't date her again but it's helped me grow as a person and for that I'm grateful.

    Disappointment does suck but it's practically inevitable that you'll be disappointed at some point in your life or the other, the only thing you can really control is how you'll react to it. Opening yourself up to disappointed will leave you disappointed more often but you'll be able to deal with it better too. Eventually you'll be able to accept it and the fear of it will leave so maybe it's just something to keep in mind when facing setbacks like that.
  9. Aerial

    Aerial Well-Known Member

    This is good advice. Remnants of the past will make moving on very difficult.
  10. Aerial

    Aerial Well-Known Member

    I really hope so. This is one of the reasons I have a tough time functioning. I hate disappointment and rejection. It's like I have abandonment issues or something and I don't know where it comes from. I'm going to have to sit and think about why I am so fragile when things go wrong. I know life's not perfect, so it's silly to ever expect nothing to ever go wrong. There's no way anyone can live like that.