Past the point?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by pbobble, Aug 21, 2011.

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  1. pbobble

    pbobble Well-Known Member

    Its seems like recently I've passed the point from where I've been contemplating killing myself or just wanting to die to where its just going to happen.

    A few days ago I was in the position where if I'd had a suitable method I wouldn't be here now.

    I've now pencilled in a date in my diary by which time I can acquire means. This seems the only thing thats making me a bit happier, in fact I'm not even sure why I'm writing this down.
    I have tried so many things to help and talking with so many people to help myself.

    My ability to deal with close relationships is broken, I can't stop myself from wanting to be with someone and all the ups and downs that come with it. But when I love or even strongly attracted to someone I go crazy, I can't even tell clearly how I feel for them because of the way I am. Whilst the current trigger is my ex being happy and pregnant with someone else It seems this is
    just an endless cycle grrrr :mad:.

    Don't know if I want advice support or just to relate really....
     
  2. peacelovingguy

    peacelovingguy Well-Known Member

    You do relate.

    Close relationships eh? Well - its common actually for some depression to define relationships as casual - and random. Its a kind of safety zone - you avoid getting too close because, well, who wants to share being messed up and risk confessing all to someone who either just uses you - or throws it back in your face.

    Also - you got that insecurity going on - you push way who get close romantically - because the emotional attachment is seen as a negative. This is actually so very wrong!!!

    As for your ex being pregnant and happy with someone else - best let that one go mate. You still got feelings - but they will go away. I've met a couple of woman I really fell for - sure - you feel bad when they marry and have a family - but - actually - that's natural - just your DNA really saying "you should have got her pregnant" - and maybe your ego - so kill off the ego! Do so every year or so because that driving force needs reigning in.

    There are plenty of single women out there, but as men we have to have our lives sorted out a little. WE have to be honest with how we feel about woman - because love can go either way. Most times - its just a chance encounter - a 'moment' that passes - you either speak out - or say nothing and go home crying the blues because we know as men - we have to 'man up' sometimes - take that risk.

    But get things sorted out a little.

    Hope things are well as can be mate.

    Regards
     
  3. Jelly

    Jelly Well-Known Member

    Life can be a huge pain. Very sorry to hear about your pain and how much you are hurting.

    Getting attached, for me, is a huge problem. If the guy was to leave I'd be heart broken.

    Just know that I'm here to talk, and things do get better.


    Take care. <3
     
  4. pbobble

    pbobble Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the replies.

    Peacelovingguy: thanks for reminding me there are still people out there, sometimes forget. I still got feelings for her for sure, was letting go before the pregancy news, it has been a blow. Its not so much that I push them away, just want them to be really near, did let her know how I felt, did do my best.
    Just with my shyness and problems, I don't know when I'll have another chance.

    Jelly: thanks, life can suck for sure, things can get better, sometimes it hard to go on.
     
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