So I can never tell anyone about this. I can joke around with my sister and talk with my mum, but I'll never be able to tell them how I feel. I am only able to say how I feel on this forum, anonomously. I'm so horrible, I shout and belittle people to express my feelings inside. But I can't tell anyone. Ill never be able to. I can't concentrate on anything anymore. And I'm so secretive and multi faceted. I have about a million personalities. I have my fun and confident personality around my family. I have my moody and aggresive personality also only around my family. I have my shy and hardly able to speak personality around friends and strangers. I have the person in my head, the person that I really want to be, the person who I dreamt I would grow up to be, but never did. And the personality I'm showing now, the one that only comes out when I sit in my bedroom or walk around by myself. I can never show this side to anyone else. It makes me sick. I hate myself so much. But I also have an incredible arrogance, one that isn't deserved. Most people in the world seem to dislike me, I don't know why, I'm sick of being nice and only getting ignored or sneered at or made fun of. I really want to escape but I know I'll never be able to escape from myself. I know I'll never be able to heal my issues, on account of being unable to talk about how I'm feeling, even when I saw a therapist who I really liked and treated me with kindness and respect. But I kept back so much from her, so much that I need to tell someone, but is uncomfortable to talk about. And then I just stopped going, I didn't even tell her, I just didn't turn up. I have to isolate myself. I don't think there's one person in the whole world who'll be able to relate to my feelings right now. I'm so lucky, my life is so blessed compared to some people, especially on this site. Everything that's wong with my life I've brought on myself. So I feel very low cause I such a pathetic, disgusting person. I don't really know why....I do anything. But I probably wont kill myself, I'm too weak and uncourageous for that. Yeh, so don't bother replying, I know you haven't even all of this anyway, it's just another cry for attention from the biggest stain/leech whatever on this site. Just fuck off already why don't you.