I am unexplainably low right now. I don't want much out of this life, really. It was difficult, but long ago I resigned myself to the fact that I'll never find a person to share my life with; never have a friend to talk to or to listen to. Never be able to be the person I imagine that I can be if only I had a little more confidence and social skills. I was fine with all that. I feel so worthless without a job, however. I haven't been employed in over a year and I can't even begin to describe how much of a shit I feel like for not working, and living off my mother's generosity. I desperately want to have that feeling of working full-time and earning an income, of actually feeling some sort of purpose. But at 19, I don't have so much as a driver's license. Not a friend to talk to. I don't even talk to most of my family. The only person I truly know cares about me is my mother and I treasure her more than even I could imagine, but her love isn't going to help me years down the road when I'm into my twenties and am still living off of her hard-earned money. If she were not around it would be so easy to end my life. She's just been through so much in her life and I couldn't do that to her. I promised I would take care of her the way she took care of me when I was little, and I'll stay alive for her sake, but I wish I didn't have to deal with any of this. Or at least not constantly think about it the way I do. Well I couldn't make it through writing this without crying. I know there's nothing you can do as someone reading this, but if you've ever been in this situation and have overcome it, I would appreciate some support. Thanks.