pathetic worthless and drained

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Saturnign, Feb 9, 2009.

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  1. Saturnign

    Saturnign New Member

    I am unexplainably low right now. I don't want much out of this life, really. It was difficult, but long ago I resigned myself to the fact that I'll never find a person to share my life with; never have a friend to talk to or to listen to. Never be able to be the person I imagine that I can be if only I had a little more confidence and social skills. I was fine with all that.

    I feel so worthless without a job, however. I haven't been employed in over a year and I can't even begin to describe how much of a shit I feel like for not working, and living off my mother's generosity. I desperately want to have that feeling of working full-time and earning an income, of actually feeling some sort of purpose. But at 19, I don't have so much as a driver's license. Not a friend to talk to. I don't even talk to most of my family. The only person I truly know cares about me is my mother and I treasure her more than even I could imagine, but her love isn't going to help me years down the road when I'm into my twenties and am still living off of her hard-earned money.​
    If she were not around it would be so easy to end my life. She's just been through so much in her life and I couldn't do that to her. I promised I would take care of her the way she took care of me when I was little, and I'll stay alive for her sake, but I wish I didn't have to deal with any of this. Or at least not constantly think about it the way I do.​
    Well I couldn't make it through writing this without crying. I know there's nothing you can do as someone reading this, but if you've ever been in this situation and have overcome it, I would appreciate some support. Thanks.​

  2. mdmefontaine

    mdmefontaine Antiquities Friend

    hi. . . i am so glad you reached out - i have found a lot of support here, and i hope you will as well.

    it is a positive thing to share these feelings that you have - and this is a place of acceptance. . . we all understand. you are right, in that ending your life will be damaging to your mom, she would likely never be the same. that alone IS a reason to hang on - and in staying alive - you then have the chance to go forward, step by step, and create a life for yourself that brings fulfillment and peace.

    you are very young, to give up. start with a small step - get your driver's license. you are obviously intelligent, i can see that by your writing. after your license, perhaps a small job. or something that is '''soothing''' like stocking shelves instead of interacting with the public. . . then gradually you can continue to add small steps and in this way - make a REAL life.

    and. . . please try and realize that you have value as a human being. your life is important and the world would be less, without you. :hug:
  3. daredhead

    daredhead Well-Known Member

    I've been without a friend to talk to. It's really rough, but as you start to overcome depression, things that seemed impossible will suddenly become possible if not easy to do. As for not having a job, there are millions of people in the same exact place. Eventually, everything will improve, but nothing will get better unless you want it to.
  4. diafwcc

    diafwcc Member

    I can sympathize with the feeling of having nobody to talk to- 6 years ago I shattered my leg playing football, for most of the next year I relied heavily on my mother for support as I was bedridden for a long time (including multiple surgeries), and I lost contact with most of my friends. You are at a low point right now, but never forget that every action has an equal and opposite re-action; that doesn't really make sense in context but what I mean is that for every low point there is also a high point that can be achieved. Start off small, give yourself a goal of job-hunting for half an hour every day this week... Online, in the newspaper, whatever. Eventually you may find one that appeals to you, think of how happy it would make your mother to see her son working again after a year out of the job market? At the very least you owe it to her to start looking again.
  5. Saturnign

    Saturnign New Member

    You're all right, and I appreciate that there are people on this website willing to help other people they've never met before.
  6. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Something else that might help is to start out with doing volunteer work a couple times a week, just to get you out of the house and to rebuild some of your self esteem. Maybe your local animal shelter would be a good start. They would probably welcome you with open arms to help walk the dogs, give them baths, and help out around the shelter. Or maybe a senior citizen home helping the elderly. You might even hear some good stories from the clients. We forget about them and they have a world of knowledge that is dieing with them everyday. Take care!!~Joseph~
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