Ok so i will apologise in advance for sounding like a stupid little girl but i didnt know where else to go or who else to go to except you guys who no doubt will tell me the truth and not try to protect my feelings like the people around me try to do and fail..Anyway theres this guy i've liked at work for about 6 months now and he knows i like him...god this already sounds so pathetic but il continue..So i really want to ask him out just for a casual drink but im to damn scared too, the first reason is because im come from a strict family im a muslim (well i say im muslim but i dont practice) but my family is very strict with me that means no boyfriends no drinking no staying out late basically i cant do anything i want to im restricted to going to work and going home thats all i pretty much do, which brings me to my next problem im a very messed up individual as im sure alot of other people are here im suicidal insane neurotic i cant think straight most of the time i self harm my thoughts make no sense to me im not intelligent or good at anything im basically a mess waiting to self destruct. But i really like this guy and i cant have him, hes hinted on taking me for a drink a few times but i've managed to change the subject and got my self out of it. I really want to go but i cant because then il have to explain my whole shitty situation and its embarrasing. im scared i might really start liking him and then i wont beable to see him (which has has happened to me in the past) and then il be more of a mess than i already am. And how the hell do i explain to him about all the shit thats going on in my head im sure no one wants to be around someone who is suicidal. He has no idea how i feel, im great at hiding my feelings i smile alot so people never ask questions but when he finds out what im really like hes going to run a mile! Hes really intelligent aswell and im the complete opposite i dont have a clue about anything! Hes just going to see me as some sort of victim which i dont want! I dont know what the hell i want all i know is that i like him and its driving me fuckin insane! I dont know what to do i cant find an answer to yet another problem i cant move away because i dont have the money so im stuck here living this shitty life wishing for death everyday. I've tried talking to my family but theres no reasoning with them i guess they will regret it when they find me dead in the living room one day from all thier fuckin rules. All i want is a life and what i have is not its just a fuckin existence. My head is so messed up that i cant control my own thoughts anymore i dont even know what im feeling im just drifting through life with no purpose. I hope some of this makes some sort of sense sorry if it doesnt.