Pathetic...

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Secret wounds, Dec 18, 2007.

  1. Secret wounds

    Secret wounds Well-Known Member

    Ok so i will apologise in advance for sounding like a stupid little girl but i didnt know where else to go or who else to go to except you guys who no doubt will tell me the truth and not try to protect my feelings like the people around me try to do and fail..Anyway theres this guy i've liked at work for about 6 months now and he knows i like him...god this already sounds so pathetic but il continue..So i really want to ask him out just for a casual drink but im to damn scared too, the first reason is because im come from a strict family im a muslim (well i say im muslim but i dont practice) but my family is very strict with me that means no boyfriends no drinking no staying out late basically i cant do anything i want to im restricted to going to work and going home thats all i pretty much do, which brings me to my next problem im a very messed up individual as im sure alot of other people are here im suicidal insane neurotic i cant think straight most of the time i self harm my thoughts make no sense to me im not intelligent or good at anything im basically a mess waiting to self destruct. But i really like this guy and i cant have him, hes hinted on taking me for a drink a few times but i've managed to change the subject and got my self out of it. I really want to go but i cant because then il have to explain my whole shitty situation and its embarrasing. im scared i might really start liking him and then i wont beable to see him (which has has happened to me in the past) and then il be more of a mess than i already am. And how the hell do i explain to him about all the shit thats going on in my head im sure no one wants to be around someone who is suicidal. He has no idea how i feel, im great at hiding my feelings i smile alot so people never ask questions but when he finds out what im really like hes going to run a mile! Hes really intelligent aswell and im the complete opposite i dont have a clue about anything! Hes just going to see me as some sort of victim which i dont want! I dont know what the hell i want all i know is that i like him and its driving me fuckin insane!

    I dont know what to do i cant find an answer to yet another problem i cant move away because i dont have the money so im stuck here living this shitty life wishing for death everyday. I've tried talking to my family but theres no reasoning with them i guess they will regret it when they find me dead in the living room one day from all thier fuckin rules. All i want is a life and what i have is not its just a fuckin existence. My head is so messed up that i cant control my own thoughts anymore i dont even know what im feeling im just drifting through life with no purpose. I hope some of this makes some sort of sense sorry if it doesnt.
     
  2. Secret wounds

    Secret wounds Well-Known Member

    Not a single comment that speaks volumes. Insignificant in every imaginable way is my life to the people that are real and that are'nt. Pathetic.
     
  3. ggg456

    ggg456 Guest

    I've read some of your posts and there might be a few things that might help. Your family situation- are you in contact with a mental health team? If you are you could tell them about how your family is being a "detriment to your mental health" and how they are making you so ill and suicidal. Also, you could get in touch with womens' charities or something similar for help and support with your family situation and they might advise you about how to get out of that environment safely (if you want that) as it obviously this is all having an effect on your life (your mental health which is important) and your wanting to go out freely with that guy. There may be options to you such as benefits or perhaps a room or flat you could rent with housing benefit.

    As for the guy, your feelings are natural and it seems he seems to like you too:smile:. Isn't that a good thing? And about him being scared of you being sick and suicidal, maybe he won't run away- maybe he might even understand and might support you, without pitying you as some kind of 'victim' (I understand that fear). You are a complex individual, far more than 'insane and neurotic and a mess' although your feelings are completely understandable given your personal wishes to not be in your family situation and wanting some freedom to do what you want with your life.

    Your situation isn't embarrassing. I'm sure there are a lot of people who are in similar positions who might not know the options when it comes to the emotional/practical support available to them.

    You don't know for sure if he's going to run a mile. And if he does, and there's a huge possibility that he won't and might be supportive and understanding- if he 'does run a mile' that isn't your responsibility:smile:. To take the risk to actually talk to someone and to open yourself up and tell someone about such personal feelings such as suicide is huge and you could give yourself a huge pat on the back if it didn't turn out as you expected- because you did try.

    As for meeting him, I think it's best to try and explain your home situation to him and see how he reacts- and tell him how much you do like him and would like to go out for a drink but you feel bad, suicidal, and are unable to because of your home situation. He might not see you as a 'victim' and pity you but rather someone who is in a difficult situation and would like some changes?

    I hope this was helpful to you. Take care of yourself.
     
    Last edited: Dec 22, 2007