Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by messedupmarionette, Dec 28, 2008.

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  1. messedupmarionette

    messedupmarionette Active Member

    I wish I could kill myself, but I don't have the strength.
    I can't bring myself to do it.
    It makes me hate myself so much more.
    All I can think about is how fucking hopeless I am.
    I disgust myself.
    I wish someone would kill me.
    I wish someone would either hate me enough to kill me, or love me enough to reach out--REALLY reach out--and try to help. But nobody feels anything for me.
    They don't care if I live or die.
    A lot of them would probably be relieved if I died.
    I hurt everyone around me because I want their help and affection so badly that I force them into talking to me and pretending to care about me, when they should be doing homework or talking to their real friends.
    I'm pathetic.
    Someone, please, help me kill myself.
    I can't ask for compassion any more--what I receive is always so fake.
    Please help me die.
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi sweetie,

    No one is going to help you die.I'm sure people would not be relieved if you died. What has triggered these feelings? :hug:
  3. lost43215

    lost43215 Well-Known Member

    Hi :)

    I dont know if u remember me from a previous post or not. I actually just finished looking at the other threads just so that I could try to help you more. Dont have to worry about hurting me for reaching out cause a) i dont have any homework cause im not in school, and b) i dont have really any "real" friends to talk to, so I have lots of free time, plus I care for you and really believe you are someone who can change their life around and have a great life :)

    What's ended up going wrong recently to make you feel this way?

    BTW, you can always PM me too anytime :) I have lots of free time :)
  4. messedupmarionette

    messedupmarionette Active Member

    I don't know, exactly... a lot of little things, I guess.
    I have two people that I can talk to when I feel like this, and both of them are exasperated and bored with my behavior. I just want people to care about me and I do anything and everything for them, and they never care. I just feel very alone, and I have a hard time understanding why, when I care about people and love others so much--why none of them can return the favor.
    But I do know. It's because I'm pathetic and I don't deserve to have people care about me. Everyone can see that and everybody knows, and everyone tries to pass me off as someone else's responsibility. Have someone else take care of this crazy bitch--that's how they feel, even though they'd never actually say that. I want someone to care about me... but I don't see how that would ever happen.

    I know nobody will help me kill myself. This whole thread is immature. But sometimes I just have to say it.
  5. messedupmarionette

    messedupmarionette Active Member

    And lost, you're very sweet. I don't know what the point would be of turning my life around, however. I'm completely useless, and the world is overpopulated as it is. Maybe there's been this decrease in youth mental health as a kind of natural population control... Ok, sorry, that was a morbid joke.
  6. lost43215

    lost43215 Well-Known Member

    I know what you mean. I dont think most people have enough in them or something to care a ton about someone. I think people can care to a point, but after that it gets tedious or tiresome for them. There are of course exceptions (nurses and doctors for an obvious example), but not too many you can find regularily. That's where at least a lot of people on here come in. We've all been through the lows and know exactly how you feel. I know you and others also look for help on here and are sometimes disapointed at the outcome too. I guess it's because we're hurt too, and it's hard to help others when you can't even help yourself. But we find ways, and there's lots of people here who despite going through pain themselves, are here to help as much as they can.

    I dont know how much help I am to others... but I try my best, I listen to everything people say and try to help as best as I can (Id love to actually be there in person helping tho :( ).

    Your not pathetic tho. I think deep down you would want someone to love you probably and care for you... kindof like me (guessing). Your not completely useless either. I know you said you werent able to get into the Rocky Horror Picture Show, but that doesnt mean you dont have talent for instance to do something else. I think you have a lot of potential since your young still and are just starting out. I bet a ton of things are confusing in your life right now, but in the end you'll sort things out :).

    Again, there's lots of people on here at least that care about you. Also, your def not pathetic or useless :)
  7. levitated-one

    levitated-one Well-Known Member

    Society is fake in it's own ways. You cannot blame society for being fake.. the fake ones are us. And we're part of the society.. therefore it is fake. You are fake in your own ways, which you probably haven't found out, everyone's fake in their own ways.

    So, the question is, you're in a situation where you're very lonely and calls out for affection and love. I know what you mean.. people are so selfish these days, myself included that we lost the meaning of love.. we don't love ourselves nor do we love our neighbors.. not as much as we should be. Therefore we're not loved.

    You can choose to leave "them", instead of leaving this world.
  8. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    It is strength that keeps you alive, weakness would have you die.
    You are strong for being here. You are strong because you are alive.

    I know how low you feel. But I hope that you can, if all else fails, let us bring you up. We care. You are worth saving.

  9. Leiaha

    Leiaha Well-Known Member

    Guess what? I dont think you are pathetic!
    Guess what else? I dont think you are useless either! :)
    Whats more i forbid you from using these titles for yourself, they belong to me! Lol. Why not come and talk to me or someone else instead of beating yourself up? We are all willing to listen and help as far as we are able :)
    Here is something to keep you going for now til you decide :hug:
    Lea :cheekkiss:
  10. messedupmarionette

    messedupmarionette Active Member

    You guys are all really sweet. Actually, I just got rid of one of the people in my life that has been hurting me the most, and so I think I might do a little better from here on out. It was really hard, because he was my best friend and I really love him, but there's only so much shit I can take while hearing him claim to love me.

    Thank you so much for all of your loving posts. If any of you want to talk, feel free to IM or email me or whatever. Thank you.
  11. levitated-one

    levitated-one Well-Known Member

    If there's any truth to anything, look at Leiaha's signature - hehe it's funny to watch all these animations coming to life.. it's like a little playground lol ;)

    Don't worry about losing your loved ones, you can learn to make new good friends. Everyone will be hurt once in a while, so take it easy on yourself as you are still very young and it's too sad to leave so early okay.

    Peace to you
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