Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Domo, May 9, 2010.

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  1. Domo

    Domo Well-Known Member

    I don't really know what i want to say right now.

    I'm just tired of having to deal with being me. It's really as simple as that.

    I nearly had a panic attack and passed out when i was waititng for the bus this morning.

    Who the fuck did i think i was when i bought a house? Who did i think i was when i agreed to go to Germany? I can barely leave the house some days and i've made all the decisions that are coming back to bite me.

    Woe is me right? For having all these opportunities. I can assure you it doesn't work that way.

    At the end ofthe day i am still me and i have to try and deal with all that goes on in my head.

    I'm just really fucking angry. And this is all it takes for me to want to die.

  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    No you are not pathetic you are overwhelmed and are feeling anxious and wishing you had a way out of these emotions.
    One thing at a time one only Anger is not a way to deal with things but i am one to talk
    I am glad you have made progress you have you just don't see it. Time to breath get a tea relax and see just how far you have come Domo
    Call your therapist and talk okay listen to some crazy music get out of that head of yours and just have some fun take care friend
    You will have a good time in Germany talk to doctor about your meds okay and just know everything will work out okay
  3. Domo

    Domo Well-Known Member

    I don't know Violet, what am i even fighting for anymore? I'm really tired of this.

    I see my psychiatrist on Wednesday and my psychologist on Saturday.

    I think i give in. I'll have to start taking the mood stabilisers he gave me.
  4. Domo

    Domo Well-Known Member

    Why is it that nobody will reply to these threads unless someone is being a major fucking exhibitionist?

    Or do i have to be a part of the in crowd here for anyone to give a shit?

    I have never been to a more triggering forum then i have experienced here.
  5. Georgy

    Georgy Account Closed

    I'm sorry you're struggling Domo. I read your thread, I'm new as of tonight and just didn't know what to say. That's one of the reason I didn't respond to your post....That and, that I'm in the same mindset tonight....

    I hope you feel better soon.
  6. Domo

    Domo Well-Known Member

    That's fine Georgy, i know other people here go through the same thing.

    But it's like unless you claim you taken a bottle of pills or have a knife to your throat, no one cares. Or maybe i am not in enough crisis.

    Violet is the only one who ever replies to me. And i really appreciate that Violet but i know you know what i mean.
  7. aviewfromchaos

    aviewfromchaos Well-Known Member

    hey domo. i haven't really gone through what you are going through right now, but hang in there. i know the words sound a little hollow, but i mean it. =]
  8. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    i hope yo u do take your mediction your mood stabilizer and i am sorry not many seem to respond to you Domo i guess they are wrapped up thier own pain. I understand your frustration and i am glad you are getting to see you doctors soon. I hope they will help stabilize you anxiety I care as do others Domo let me know how you do on the meds okay and what the doctors say. take care my friend okay
  9. JAXON

    JAXON New Member

    I know how you feel I think .. or with all advise I know how I feel and I empathize thats for sure.

    Im so tired of being me, acting like me, feeling like this, even looking like me... its not that I want to be someone else, im just sick of this

    I can relate to being stuck in a situation like buying ur house.. I moved a couple months back to a different city thinking I could run from my problems and now im stuck.. i dont leave the place for days.. My neighbor probably thinks im totally nuts... it was worth a try moving, I see my logic, it made sense to me.. I wanted to give my brother a break from playing therapist.. its just not right to the poor guy leaning on him so much.

    So now im even more isolated with absolutely no support system, friends, girlfriend or life.. like the cliche it seems like wherever I go there I am in the same spot.

    the panic attacks.. the pain.. the frustration and I feel you on the anger.. lately Ive become less angry and moved into lethargic sadness.

    I want to die. I stick around because I do think my life could 'theoretically' work.. Ive just got to find a way.

    Thats the only reason Im still here.. no matter how battered and beaten ive become i still do have faith its possible to find a way.
  10. Domo

    Domo Well-Known Member

    Thanks JAXON :)

    And sorry for going ona bit of a rant before everyone. Was just angry. I've calmed down now.

    'where ever i go, there i am' I really like that you said this.

    I suppose i was just trying to be somebody i'm not by doing all thse things. I guess i've got something to aim for though.

    Have you seen your GP to get a referall to a cousellor or psychologist?
  11. unwinged

    unwinged Well-Known Member

    i think your posts sound like you are feeling similar to me. i've become lethargic. i don't think, like me, you want to die. but i've made my suicide thread yest. i feel torn inside. the anger means you want to fight, but it's impulsive, maybe you should write more about it here. it helps me saying the things that make me angry insdie but i end up feeling guilty too. i can be quite private and always afraid to open up, so end up bottling up..
  12. Domo

    Domo Well-Known Member

    No, i don't really want to die. It's just the only way to escape this.

    As for my anger. I really have no idea where it comes from. It ones of my many emotions that i have not been able to work out.

    Bottling up is what i do best but i have a good relationship with my psychologist and tell her most things.
  13. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Domo,
    It sounds like you are going thru the seven stages of greif.. Your at stage two which is anger.. Can you tell us what has triggered you.. As far as replies go.. Some times they are just slow coming at first..I felt invisable when I started here..Then one great lady came to my rescue andshe stuck with me for months until I felt like I belonged.. Unfortunately she is no longer here.,.I hope you find that same kind of care here.. Maybe you should see a therapist and they can walk you thru the stages of greif because I don't remember the rest of them..A therapist can also teach you about cognitive distortions..Take care!! Stay Strong!!
    Last edited by a moderator: May 10, 2010
  14. Domo

    Domo Well-Known Member

    That's an interesting point to make regarding stages of grief.

    Unfortunately my mood just swings like this all over the place. I go through at least 5 moods a day.

    I do have a therapist i see often.

    I'm glad you had someone to help you feel like you belong :)
  15. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    Hi domo...I can't offer advice ..I'm not doing well myself.... but I understand how you are feeling.....:hug::hiya:
  16. Domo

    Domo Well-Known Member

    Thank you IV :hug:
  17. jjjoooggg2

    jjjoooggg2 Well-Known Member

    Did you move to Germany or visiting Germany? Are you financially burdened?
  18. Domo

    Domo Well-Known Member

    Just visiting Germany, in August.

    I wouldn't say i am financially burdened, comitted/obligated, yes. I have a mortgage.
  19. jjjoooggg2

    jjjoooggg2 Well-Known Member

    I was in switzerland. I'm waitin for my next opportunity to go.
  20. Domo

    Domo Well-Known Member

    :) This will be my first time overseas.
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