I don't deserve what I have. I don't deserve friends who try to help me because I push them away and decide suddenly that I can't stand them for a while. I don't deserve a boyfriend who is always there for me to the best of his ability, always trying, always understanding. Especially when I treat him like shit all of the time. And I can't help it and I don't know why. I just get angry at him trying to help or get angry at the things he is saying and yell at him or be mean to him and he doesn't deserve it. And I know he doesn't deserve it but I do it anyway because I just get in moods where I don't give a shit about anyone or anything. And I should, because one day he will leave me, and I will look for a reason he shouldn't, and I will not be able to find one, because all I have done is be horrible to him constantly. Give him all this shit that he doesn't deserve. Be nasty to him when all he's done is try to help.