I can't get over the loss of you. I can't believe that you're gone, yet it's been years. I'm not willing to accept it. I still expect to come over to the house, and see you sitting there on that bar stool with your carmex out, chewing on a peppermint, as you always have. I still expect to hear that chuckle, when I know you're up to no good. I want it all back! You were too young to die, and the way you went was horrible. You had so much more to give, but you had to go. I don't blame you. You're probably in a much better place now, pain free this time. We never got to talk about life in general, any of the important things. It's a shame you didn't get to meet my son but I've no doubts he's with you now. Take care of my precious boy, please Grandpa. I've been having flashbacks, and it gets more frequent when I'm feeling really low, like I have been recently. I get to the point that I start really thinking about ways to end my life, and the plans start to form again. Then I remember you, and I see you, hear you, smell you. I'm not sure if this is your way of letting me know that you see me, and you know what I'm going through..that you care, or if it's just me being absolutely crazy. Point is, I miss you so much, and I wish you were still here. Cancer is a horrible thing..for the victim and the family. I remember visiting you in the hospital, and how you would have flashbacks from when you were a miner, and it scared me, but I was so happy to be there with you. I remember the day that you passed away. We told you that your brother was coming to see you, and the two of you hadn't seen each other in over 30 years. Not 10 minutes after he left your room, you passed away. I also remember Grandma telling you that you had to wait til after 1 January, for insurance reasons. You didn't want her to suffer once you were gone, so you waited. Well, as I'm sure you know, she benefits from that more than she EVER deserves, and that angers me so much. You were a good man PawPaw. I love you. Another thing..your birthday is coming up soon..I haven't forgotten, Grandpa. I will still do the usual, as I have every year since your passing. I miss you so much, and I can't wait to see you again. May you rest in peace. x Gone, but not forgotten.