Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by Perfectly Imperfect, Oct 10, 2007.

  1. Today, October 10th, is my grandpa's birthday. He would be 60 years old if he was with us today, but he has passed. I'm not quite sure what to say. I'm having a really hard time dealing with this right now and at this time last year, I attempted because I couldn't deal with the loss of him. This year, I've promised someone very close and special to me that I wouldn't do that this year and I'm trying hard to keep that promise.

    My grandpa was a wonderful man who died so young. I guess he was just needed somewhere else. He was 58 when he passed away due to several types of cancer. The cancer took over very quickly-We found out about it in November 2004 and he passed away January 2, 2005. We packed up and moved to be in the same town as him, to be there every step of the way. I remember everything from that moment until his death. We were at the hospital every day and when he passed I was by his side, holding his hand as he left us. I know he had to feel loved...there were so many people around him. His brother, who he hadn't seen since they were little boys came to visit him. about 10 minutes after his brother left, he passed away. It seems he waited just for his brother, so he could see him one last time. Everyone else who was able, had been to come see him and say their goodbyes. I have so many vivid memories of his last days in the hospital. He was hallucinating and I was the only one in the room with him at the time. He used to be a coal miner. The man worked from about the age of 10, 'til he was put in the hospital permanently. When I was in the room I was standing at a part of the room where the ceiling was lower than the rest of the room and he started yelling at me to get out from under there because it was going to fall in on me, so I had to move. He also made me open all the doors. He kept saying that we needed to get out of there, that it was coming in on us and if we didn't go now, we wouldn't make it. I figure he was having a flashback from his coal mining days. :dunno: That's the main thing that I remember of his flashbacks.

    I can't get the images out of my head of when he passed. I've been having horrible flashbacks since last night. I watched the nurse come in there and take his vitals signs one last time, and they pronounced him dead at 1707 on January 2, 2005. I couldn't leave his side. I stood there, still holding his hand after he passed. I couldn't let go. This was my grandpa and he couldn't be gone. I kept kissing his forehead and telling him that I loved him and he would be okay. I guess I couldn't accept that he was gone and I still find it hard to think that he's really gone. I just wish I could go to my grandma's house and find him sitting there in the kitchen chewing on his peppermints like he used to.

    I just know that today is going to be really hard and I just ask that people be patient with me today as I try to deal with all of these emotions. I'm sorry I keep going on about him, but he was my grandpa...the only one I really got close to.

    Thank you for reading!

    RIP Paw Paw! I love you!
  2. danni

    danni Chat Buddy

    I'm sorry about that hun and you grandpap did love one of you and cared, even thou he gone he still watching you. I'm here if you wanna talk hun :hug: