People pay for sex, so why shouldnt I pay for friends? They dont really have to like me, even if they pretend to accept me, and want to be around me, that would be enough. Just a taste, a small taste of friendship, even if its a pale comparison to true friendship. Anything to not be alone, anything to belong somewhere, even if it isnt real, its better than this empty, empty feeling that eats at me. And if they reject me or betray me, well I just wont pay them, and It will be as nothing to me. The hours are long and I am trapped inside my own head, there is no mirror for my thoughts and they are poisoning me one at a time.