how exactly does any mental health doctor help? all psychiatrists do is hand out meds that help with your specific diagnosis and collect their check and leave. i have been on so many different types of medicine now. shouldn't all that help? i don't even know what the fuck psychologists do. they just talk to you? well how is that supposed to help. just talking. you can talk all you want and they can tell you all these motivational things. but when you get depressed are you really going to remember what he said? hospitals..they really don't work. they "stabilize" you until you are ready to go back to reality. but once your back what happens? an outpatient program that just makes you draw stuff and play stupid "helping games" ^^and if they really help, why do so many people commit in there? i've already said if i go back to the hospital (which would be my 4th time) i'd just fucking end it there. i have no way of getting better. doctors have already said i'm to far off for help. i mine as well just end it. i'll never get better. i'll never get over the past and move on. i'll be alone and then die alone. i don't want to live my life like that. in fact, i don't wanna live my life at all. this stupid suicide domino effect is the only thing holding me back. if i die, they will die. how the fuck do i feel with all that pressure. it's eating me away all the overwhelming feeling that i will be their "murderer" but i'll be dead so why should i care..i'll be free of my problems. but then i'm causing someone so much pain that they need to leave. i can't fucking win with anything. it's my senior year in highschool. it's suppossed to be the best years of my life. but these four years idk how many times i've attempted or even thought about commiting suicide. and even if i make it..how the fuck will my kids feel about me. not even having a stable mom. or knowing that their mom wanted to die which could have made me non existing. it's all just too much for me.