After my last suicide attempt (<mod edit: bunny - methods>) I longed for death even more. It was so peaceful being unconscious for the day. That scares me because I have so much to live for (wife and 4 kids (18,10,8,3 years old)). Every day I have thoughts of killing myself and wish that I could actually suceed so my pain would be gone. I hate flash backs to my childhood, if it was not for sports I probably would have killed myself at a young age. No one deserves to be sexually abused by friend of the family. I carry much guilt about how I have behaved back then and still act today even when I try to work through my issues. My wife has been strong but I know I am putting a strain on her that can cause anyone to break. I honestly think that she is staying only to keep me alive. I have done so much to hurt her. Does anyone here have the same feelings of peace after their failed attempt? :huh: I hope I am not alone. I have planned out my next attepmt but have not fallen enough to try it again. This time there will be pain involved and maybe if I fail then I will not be at peace and be able to move forward out of this darkness.