peaceful fealing after attempt

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by Pitt Bull, Oct 26, 2006.

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  1. Pitt Bull

    Pitt Bull Member

    After my last suicide attempt (<mod edit: bunny - methods>) I longed for death even more. It was so peaceful being unconscious for the day. That scares me because I have so much to live for (wife and 4 kids (18,10,8,3 years old)). Every day I have thoughts of killing myself and wish that I could actually suceed so my pain would be gone. I hate flash backs to my childhood, if it was not for sports I probably would have killed myself at a young age. No one deserves to be sexually abused by friend of the family. I carry much guilt about how I have behaved back then and still act today even when I try to work through my issues. My wife has been strong but I know I am putting a strain on her that can cause anyone to break. I honestly think that she is staying only to keep me alive. I have done so much to hurt her. Does anyone here have the same feelings of peace after their failed attempt? :huh: I hope I am not alone. I have planned out my next attepmt but have not fallen enough to try it again. This time there will be pain involved and maybe if I fail then I will not be at peace and be able to move forward out of this darkness.
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 26, 2006
  2. jessie

    jessie Member

    I know what you mean about the peace. When you can just drift and float and not have to think. It's even better when you can't think. And the blur. To be honest, the fact u mentioned that you were planning a painful way to go kinda suggests you want to be in pain, but not necessarily dead. I'm not a shrink, I don't know. Live for your kids. No-one wants to see their dad top himself. You're a role model. Sorry if that sounds like pressure but there must be a lot in you to love if your family has stuck by you. I know you have been messed up by the family friend but end the circle with you. Don't let him/her win. Don't mess your kids up.
    Good luck
  3. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Pitt, I was sexually abused as a child, there is hope.

    I underwent 4 years of psychotherapy and laid the damn thing to rest. I'm not saying I don't have set backs sometimes, but I really did come to terms with what happened and as much as I could I moved on from it.

    Please try to find a counsellor, shrink or therapist that you can talk to about what happened and find some measure of peace from the anger, self disgust, fear and general self loathing that these acts cause.
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