pedal stool

I am the perfect daughter of the most respected person in my community the oldest the most responsible so mature knows how to handle everything in a calm matter.. My dad is really respect he's a fireman and my mom takes in kids whose need time to get there life together which means we have lots of kids. My grandparents are really respected in church both were pastors my mother smart my dads just as smart my siblings have that gene... As for me i am the "black sheep" i dont make good grades i can barely keep a c average forced to follow in there footsteps so which mean everything sport they did i have to. do perfect just is suppose to come along naturally in family and some how it doesn't for me. My parents homeschooled me because they needed my help.. I lost all my friends and the friends i do have i see them because i play sports.. I will admit i have made some poor choices in life but.. most of the time they only need me for help and nothing as right now my dad and i won't even speak or look at each other all because my boyfriend of 1 and half asked my dad if next summer we could get married and made me break-up with him till i am 18 and we can't have any form of communication he's also a year older than me and in college my mom just picks a side that is more convent for her which doesn't help she also just had a baby which was not expected knowning we have so many little... I am the oldest and people look up too me in every family because of my life situation and my last year in high school i am changing diapers.. i pretty much cry every night wishing for something different maybe if i didn't act so tough around them all the time they would understand but last night was the 8th time i tried to to end my meaningless life like my dad said i make everyone me miserable i don't mean i started cutting myslef the first week of this month my parents don't know because they really don't pay attention to me all that much i am home schooled and i barely then i leave and go do what they want me to do i also started starving myself because i'm already in pain so why not continue everyone puts me on this petal stool and i dont want to be there i didnt ask for to be the oldest or to have so many kids i didn't ask for it and yet i have it and i am kinda done with it all.. i put on this pretty face and act happy most of the time but lately it slowly becoming worst and soon i won't be able last i dont see a point in living if your just ignored.... they took away my best friend and they expect me to be okay with it well i'm not they ask if i'm okay or ask how is day going, how did practice go???? I kinda just want to be done right now and not have to deal with it any longer

 

Hi unknown03, You sound like you come from a very respectable family. It's difficult though because it sounds like you sometimes don't feel respected in regards to what you want to do and who you want to be. It seems like you have a great deal of responsibility as well with chores around the home and caring for kids. This is admirable and I don't discount the value of this in our society. You deserve to be valued too though and to be allowed to live your life.

As for choices, the only wrong choices which are made are the choices which are not made by us which we have every right to make. We should be allowed to choose boyfriends, friends and what we want to do in life for the most part. Sure, there needs to be parental supervision with schooling and not partying from when the sun goes down until when the sun comes up, but we should at least have a say.

How did your sports practice go by the way? I'm very fond of sports and it is a good way to build friends and sports provides a foundation for better health. I know this is going to seem like a strange question but have you tried telling your parents how you feel? If you did, how did they react? Your parents are caring and that's really important and maybe it may be worth speaking to them again. Just sitting down with them and telling them how you feel. I hope that you're feeling better and keep your head up. You're a good person in a bad situation. Good people last, bad situations don't last. Husky.

 

Hi unknown03, I hope you're feeling better. I'll keep thinking well wishes for you. Take care of yourself. Husky.