Hi everyone, I briefly introduced myself in the 'welcome' section earlier but don't want to exhaust its purpose, so yeah: I've been experiencing suicidal thoughts ever since I was 16 (though I am only 21 now so I hope that doesn't sound like hyperbole). I've had a few attempts, though clearly none very successful. However I've been pretty stable over the past two years. I've had up and down moments, of course, but nothing in comparison to where I was before. And where I have returned this past week or so. I'm terrified. I'm slipping back again and I am so, so scared. Of course the suicidal thoughts have always been at the back of my mind, even during my more stable times, but now they're screaming at me loud and clear again. I can barely think of anything else. I feel incapacitated; too scared to move, too scared to live. When you've already hit, and survived, rock bottom, the thought of falling back down there again is so unbelievably horrible. I'm not sure if I'll survive it again. Is this all my existence is worth?