People are filth

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Dante, Dec 26, 2015.

  1. Dante

    Dante Well-Known Member

    I have been a patient friendly perfect giving angel for years, I am so tired of being there for everyone around me and getting nothing back, I have given to the point where I have contemplated killing myself so I don't have to give any more and an incident today finally illustrated something to me, that everyone, and I mean EVERYONE on this pitiful lump of floating rock and dirt we so lazily named "Earth" like so many supermarket economy "Cola" brand Coke knock-offs, is selfish to the rotten core.

    We are so miserably needy as a species that we force everyone around us to fill in the holes in our hearts and the SECOND they stop filling that hole the most saintly of people will turn as nasty as a sadist on Black Friday.

    I am so sick of people, not one miserable person I have met is good enough to be worth helping or caring about or wasting a second of my time on, myself included because for all my rhetoric, the moment I realised the true nature of this scummy species I am a part of I immediately decided to ditch the lot of them.

    I have tried my entire life to be the good and virtuous person that everyone on this miserable rock deluded themselves into thinking we are and I have finally realised that no one is worth the effort because no one can live up to it.

    All this time sitting in church thinking "Isnt God being a bit harsh judging us all like this, we arent that bad" I finally see it, we are rotten souls with a veneer of self delusion and desperation.

    I had 3 reasons not to hang it all and just kill myself, 2 of those were people, which I now know are worth less than the dirt I scraped off my shoe this morning, only 1 reason left, and I wonder how much longer I can really believe in a merciful and beautiful creator when I despise his creation so much, I suppose I am going to find out.

    I cant turn around any more without seeing something I hate to my core or that disgusts me to the pit of my stomach. I have never been this close to having nothing standing in my way of packing it in, to being convinced that death is preferable to allowing myself to be subjected to this world any more.
     
  2. True-Lee

    True-Lee Well-Known Member

    Dante, I am sorry that you are hurting and that you feel the way that you do! I think you are partly right, although I am not sure that some of what you say may be True! You say you gave for years> may I ask what you gave? You see I wonder if you gave people what they wanted or What they needed, you, in case you don't know have a difference between the two, Needs are things that people require to keep on living, wants are Different, they are things that people would like to have, Like a new car, A Bigger house Or A trip skiing in Switzerland. they might think they need them to be happy but they don't, They Want them but do not need any of those things to live!
    Now, do you believe that you are the arbiter? May I ask how and why? I am not saying that you are I am asking if that is what you believe?
    I want to say as far as myself, I will not have anyone make decisions like that for me, they can say anything that they want, that does not make them true.
    I would like to state that when it comes to death that is something I do know a little about. I do not claim to be an expert, but I have been at deaths door more then a couple of times, I have been around the world several times as well. I have seen my share of it, in war time and peace, I have lost friends and seen them die as well, I have picked broken Bodies up off of the streets and pulled them out of water, you would not prefer to be one of those to living, in my opinion at least.
    I am sorry that you feel so strongly that you say you would prefer death? Would you care to tell me more about it, I, like I have said been around the world, more then once that is. I have been places that most would not go there, I would like to know what you have seen or experienced that you would rather be dead then Face?
    I believe that right now you are suffering from or are in a very Deep depression, if that is true it sounds to me that you need to talk to someone as soon as possible if not us here call a hot line or speak to someone, we will talk with you when you are ready, we are here to help, we are here to support people that feel they want to leave this world behind! If you want help, after what you have said I don't know if you want some help but I believe that you may need some help, as I said before there is a difference, we are here for either if you want help or you feel that you need it we will be here for you! Tell us more about what you are dealing with, we will listen we will help where we can and We Will Listen to what YOU have to say! Please Keep Posting,
     
  3. Renegade

    Renegade Well-Known Member

    You would be right in saying that this specie is pretty filthy, I'll give you that. I do believe that MOST of it is pretty rotten to its core and that is because we are extremely primitive people, no really we are. We are no saint, we as a planet are freaking still fighting each other every day.

    I mean, just because you live in a doomed place doesnt mean that it is ALL bad, but holy shit, a very huge part of it is crappy for sure.

    It does suck that you feel this way and I feel the same way too and then many times I get this hope that I am not the only one feeling this way and that there are other out there, well I can't be sure that there are other out there but I know that I am here and part of 7 billions other so surely there must a few other as well.

    I'll be curious as to what that 3rd reason might be too. Anyway, dont live for others live for yourself, it is only you who can gives a meaning to life.

    Oh it be insightful if you could elaborate on what actually happened to make you come to the conclusion of this
     
  4. quirkyalias

    quirkyalias Member

    this is where i came from too :/

    i closed myself off because it got too much, but the problem is the negative stuff finds it's way into your life anyway and you only end up missing the good stuff. all you can do is carry on being the person you are in the hope it rubs off on people. don't be afraid to speak your mind. if you've got the strength you can make the world a tiny bit better. earlier this year i grumbled about people taking selfies with homeless people for example. to be fair though, attitudes towards the homeless have changed for the better. alright, those seeking photo opportunities weren't completely altruistic, but they've helped to remove the stigma surrounding the homeless. maybe that was their intention, and i'm cynical.

    i know that's probably not going to be enough to change your mind, but people are basically good, and when they're not it's usually out of a combination of fear and lack of perspective.
     
  5. Dante

    Dante Well-Known Member

    Every time I reach out it ends up biting me in the arse almost immediately, I either end up getting burned or supporting them rather than finding extra support, even when I sought professional help from a counsellor she breached confidentiality almost as soon as I left her office, which destroyed any sense of trust of professionals and meant I had more fires to put out than before.

    I just got burned again, just now, and my dad is coming home in less than 10 minutes and he will be expecting to engage and sap what little energies I have left, but today I have none, and he will blame me for that.

    Show me a person and they will use me, show me a good person and they will be just as broken and end up needing more help than they can give. If I didnt believe in hell I would probably be giving serious thought so suicide about now.
     
  6. CGMAngel

    CGMAngel Well-Known Member

    Dante - I wish I could say I don't understand your words, but unfortunately they all make perfect sense to me.

    All I will say, however, is that there are a few amazingly wonderful people in this world, and just one can make the endless struggle worthwhile.
     
  7. Dante

    Dante Well-Known Member

    The only amazingly wonderful people I have met have needed me more than I need them and if I do end up talking to them I have just ended up carrying them too.
     
  8. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    For somebody that claims to have done so much and been so much for others you have a very acrimonious tone towards virtually all. I will say regardless of previous experiences - if you hate everybody and believe everybody is miserable and selfish and find disgust in everything you see I would doubt you are putting forth the the aura and persona that would make many drawn to you or show you their good side. "birds of a feather flock together" is surprisingly true- people surround themselves with people that are similar even if they do not like that sort of person. If that is what you have become then that is what you attract to yourself and maybe it is time to take a step back and evaluate what went wrong and when-- since when you were doing things for other people and choosing to believe and trust in them some you were not feeling suicidal. If you let it go to far and the wrong sorts started taking advantage it is a matter of being more cautious and not fill your life with hate by despising and hating all while wondering why they do not show you anything better in return.
     
  9. You don't know our pain NYJmp Master. What Dante says, is taken from my mind! I've gone through my entire life thinking that i should help other people, and i have done this every day. And what do i have to show for it? Broken relationships, dying friendships, and hell in my mind. When you, NYJmp Master, experiences the feeling of helping someone up from the dead, brushing them off, and helping them on their way, only to be rewarded with said persons hand in your pocket, and knife in his hand, then, and only then can you lecture us.
    Dante, like everyone else in here, i do not have an answer, but i do have something i would like you to do. Lets call it a favor. Report the Quack to the proper authorites. I've just been decieved myself, and i don't care how bad i feel, i wan't them to stop practicing medicin when they obviously don't remember the Hippocratical oath they once took. Call it vengence, call it mercy for potential new vicitms, i don't care. These people deserve our pain.
     
  10. CGMAngel

    CGMAngel Well-Known Member

    "The only amazingly wonderful people I have met have needed me more than I need them..."

    Dante - is it that you don't need them, or you don't trust them?

    I have learned there can be quite a difference.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 12, 2016
  11. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    Never presume you know pain or greater pain than anybody else on here or anywhere in life. That is the first issue you will have with dealing with people is when you start making assumptions of them and know nothing of them. It would be particularly wise to consider when noting that you are meeting them on a suicide forum that declaring your pain to be greater or more substantial is somewhat presumptuous. I would suggest most people that do respond to you do so in fact because they know very well what you mean and where your pain is coming from and perhaps have simply accumulated better skills at coping based on the years of dealing with it for far more years than you have even been on this earth and your experience described is not even remotely more traumatic or different then many experiences they endured booth before and since your birth.... Perhaps attempting to listen and consider and while perhaps some advice it is not of use to you now maybe it will be someday...
     
  12. sofie

    sofie Banned Member

    I would agree, to a point, that the world is full of horrible people -- everyone is out for themselves, understandably, and they have a small group of people for whom they care but that it is -- you can spend your life takking care of others and getting no where with yourself.
     
  13. Dante

    Dante Well-Known Member

    I have given and given my entire life and received so little in return. I have stopped meeting new people because I cant carry any more, and I keep helping those I am because despite my growing misanthropy, I still cant bring myself to make other's lives worse or leave them suffer, not because I am nice, but because if I am not getting anything from my life and no one else is either, then what is the point of me?

    I don't give people bitterness, or resentment, the only time I give harsh words to people is when they attack me so vehemently that a defence requires a strong tone. I was the only one at work who didnt pick on the fat guy, the only one who hasnt yet fled from my father despite how damaging he is to all those around him (seriously, no one has got out yet without at least 1 mental disorder to show for it, not kidding) the only one at work who has gone behind my bosses back to make sure the job gets done despite his incompetence. I even did a small job for free that someone would normally be paid a couple thousand for just because I had the time but they had no money to pay anyone for it.

    I'm not some bitter twisted wreck complaining at the misfortune of being surrounded by like minds, I am merely used up; tired that everyone around me seems to just want to take, either out of desperation or out of simple greed. I would give up and call it a life but that's not an option if you believe that what's waiting for you if you do is worse.

    I cant, she made me sign something saying she could break confidentiality if she thought I was at severe risk of suicide, in order to try to save my life, and though I was not even close to suicide, that is what she is claiming, I think once she filled up 2 pages of her notepad with my answer to "what are the major events that are bothering you?" she probably decided that if she couldn't handle what she had written down, then I couldn't. She is incompetent to the extreme, but she is protected legally.

    It is neither. I open up to people who are offering help, and we begin talking, but after a while they share with me how they suffer too, and all too soon they are using me as a support and it is apparent that they are struggling with their own problems and the weight of mine on top would be too much, but by that point they are dependent on me for support. It has happened many times.

    I am on high dose antidepressants that aren't working so I am not sure I am even capable of thinking higher of myself than I deserve but I can think of 5 people off the top of my head who I can comfortably say I have, at best saved their lives, and at worst supported them through hellish times, 2 of whom I still am supporting, but I can only think of 1 person who has saved or supported me without taking at least as much in return and I made the terrible mistake of falling in love with her, which of course screwed everything up.

    I dont know how much I have left to give, but from how I have been holding up over the last month I am almost empty.
     
  14. Never once did i state that i think i'm in a darker place, than anyone else. I was merely telling you that I feel very much like Dante, and i think that we share alot of problems. And therefore, maybe, just maybe, we also share the same solution.
    Yesterday i was in a very very dark place, and i was to close to ending it all. But i Didn't! I chose to allow my mother to help me, and even though I wasn't being fair to her, she helped me through the evening. I was still down when i awoke, but i got up, and i got to work to distract myself from yesterdays events. Slowly i got better, and i started to "dissect" yesterdays events. Not to much at the time, as that may have pushed me back into darkness, but just enough to make me come to terms with yesterday.
    I still have to do some some hard non-self helping work, as i still believe that my doctors have mistreaded me, and that they are responsible for some of my pain, but i no longer want vengance. Instead i want to make sure that they don't mistreat other patients. Even after all of this I still think of others, and i don't think i will ever be able not to do this... And you know what? screw it, it may not always help me, but it helps others, and as a proud socialist, i'm proud of the fact that i try to help others, even when i'm in need of help myself.
    Thinking of this makes me feel a bit better, so thanks Dante, for making me realise this. I hope there is something i might do to help you. Something that has helped me (when i'm not to sad), is reading the book "men are from Mars, and Women are from Venus".This makes me understand some of the mistakes that i've made in the past, and how i can change that. It makes me dodge some of the situations, that usually makes me depressed. I've just read a section that said:
    "when a person realizes that he or she deserves love, a door opens. He or she doesn't have to give more love than they have already done, on the contrary, they need to give less, to express, their need of love, and allow others to love them. They need to ask for love, and allow it to come to them."
    This isn't a real quote, as i'm reading it in Danish, so it's a rough translation of the key parts, that made my day much better. I've had troubles allowing help to reach me, and i finally understand it. This book hasn't saved me, but it has made me realize how others think, and how I've misunderstood so many people, who only wanted to help me.
    I hope someone can use this, and i particually hope that you can Dante, because you deserve love and help, just as much (if not more), as the rest of the us.
     
  15. Professor Lambda

    Professor Lambda Active Member

    I am afraid that I must agree.

    You may soon find yourself starved of reasons to live on (referring to your third and last reason to remain with us), though do not worry. Upon losing that single reason, more will float towards the surface.

    You and I, and everything which surrounds us, it is nothing. It is all worthless. We are nothing as individuals. That rock over there? Nothing. That planet? That star? That star is nothing but a cluster of compressed gas, it's absolutely meaningless.

    However, look at it this way. That one star may be meaningless on its own, though a hundred billion of them come together to form something as magnificent as a galaxy... Well then, isn't a galaxy just as pointless as a star, when compared to the vastness of the universe? Of course it is. Again, this galaxy is nothing. It is a mere grain of salt in the sea. Less even.

    However, when trillions of galaxies combine, something amazing comes out of this union... A universe... An entire universe...

    "Well" you may argue. "A universe could very well just be one of countless other universes!"

    Right you are! It is! This universe is likely just one of an incomprehensible number of universes, but remember... Without you, me, that rock, the atoms which form us, and the quarks which form them, none of that could exist. We are a part of this multiverse. That in itself gives you a reason to live on.

    What does this have to do with the original post? Nothing, at first glance. Though I encourage you to think deeply about what I have written here.
     
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  16. CGMAngel

    CGMAngel Well-Known Member

    "I open up to people who are offering help, and we begin talking, but after a while they share with me how they suffer too, and all too soon they are using me as a support..."

    What do you think would happen if you turned the focus of the conversation back onto yourself?
     
  17. Dante

    Dante Well-Known Member

    I have been in that bottomless situation where every time I think I hit bottom I find I still manage to carry on, but this is different. I am largely functional and emotionally stable for the most part, I just feel kind of drained and cant shake the "please can I just die" thought just hanging in my mind. Now I have managed to reinstate those 2 lost reasons to live, but every time anything happens to knock them I just go to pieces. Emotionally I fall apart, I find it hard to see any option except suicide, my mind just shuts down, I cant focus, I cant think, my body becomes more sluggish I feel sick, its like being hit with depression all at once with a little anxiety mixed in. I can only surmise that these few little flecks of reason and hope are giving me the equivalent of constant happiness and purpose and the associated elevated release of the vital neurotransmitters that go with it, but depression is offsetting that to bring me back down to quite below normal, but any hit to my reason for purpose is devastating and provokes the appropriate response by my brain which is to flush those neurotransmitters as part of feeling devastated, which, with depression on top is enough to all but shut me down.

    I just want to say, I am no expert on depression, I have just read a bit into it, but based on what I have read about the behaviour of the neurochemicals serotonin, dopamine and norepinephrine in the brain during depression and normal operation, the above seems to be the best explanation for how my depression seems to intensify so suddenly.

    I have tried, I try to make it a "supporting each other" thing, but way too often they start considering/threatening suicide and, well.. you know the rest.
     
  18. Professor Lambda

    Professor Lambda Active Member

    You have perfectly described what I myself am going through... Perfectly normal, but the slightest thing puts me off, absolutely devastates me.

    I wish I knew what it is. I wish I could get that exact thought you mentioned earlier out of my head. Just please kill me. It's those words which flow through my mind the most.

    I've considered joining a military group which faces death every day when I get the chance. If I fail my life goal, that is.
     
  19. Renegade

    Renegade Well-Known Member

    See, thats how I viewed before you mention too and that really makes me feel like it is really all meaningless.
     
  20. Professor Lambda

    Professor Lambda Active Member

    That is because it is meaningless, though not in a bad way!

    You know, people try to find meaning in their lives. Though let me tell you a secret. Well, it is not really a secret, but not many people realize this truth. There is no meaning.

    To some, this is an awful realization, though to me? It is liberating. I am not here for any given purpose. I can do whatever I want with my life! The very fact that my life has no meaning unchains me! It releases me from my inner prison!

    You make your own meaning. On a universal scale? It'll likely mean absolutely nothing. However, why should ants compare themselves to giants?