I have been a patient friendly perfect giving angel for years, I am so tired of being there for everyone around me and getting nothing back, I have given to the point where I have contemplated killing myself so I don't have to give any more and an incident today finally illustrated something to me, that everyone, and I mean EVERYONE on this pitiful lump of floating rock and dirt we so lazily named "Earth" like so many supermarket economy "Cola" brand Coke knock-offs, is selfish to the rotten core. We are so miserably needy as a species that we force everyone around us to fill in the holes in our hearts and the SECOND they stop filling that hole the most saintly of people will turn as nasty as a sadist on Black Friday. I am so sick of people, not one miserable person I have met is good enough to be worth helping or caring about or wasting a second of my time on, myself included because for all my rhetoric, the moment I realised the true nature of this scummy species I am a part of I immediately decided to ditch the lot of them. I have tried my entire life to be the good and virtuous person that everyone on this miserable rock deluded themselves into thinking we are and I have finally realised that no one is worth the effort because no one can live up to it. All this time sitting in church thinking "Isnt God being a bit harsh judging us all like this, we arent that bad" I finally see it, we are rotten souls with a veneer of self delusion and desperation. I had 3 reasons not to hang it all and just kill myself, 2 of those were people, which I now know are worth less than the dirt I scraped off my shoe this morning, only 1 reason left, and I wonder how much longer I can really believe in a merciful and beautiful creator when I despise his creation so much, I suppose I am going to find out. I cant turn around any more without seeing something I hate to my core or that disgusts me to the pit of my stomach. I have never been this close to having nothing standing in my way of packing it in, to being convinced that death is preferable to allowing myself to be subjected to this world any more.