People are forgetting about me.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by CandleLight, Apr 13, 2016.

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  1. CandleLight

    CandleLight Well-Known Member

    I don't want to get into too much detail. But I am crying right now. Over friendships that have changed so much. People who want me out of their lives.

    I see them constantly posting happy stuff on Facebook, etc. I can't hold in the pain of feeling forgotten. I post a tiny bit about how I'm feeling, and maybe a link to an article about homelessness (I'm homeless right now). I get hardly any "likes"."No one gives a damn.

    These two people post food photos or whatever and get tons of messages. I feel so invisible. It hurts so bad.

    I feel worthless, they used to like me OK. But not now. And no, I won't cut ties with them. That would hurt even worse. I'm crying as I type and trying not to be too loud since I'm crashing at the apartment of some friends.

    Do you ever feel so useless to people? They just stop caring about your pain. It's like, the more I show pain the less they care.
     
    i'm bad at names likes this.
  2. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    I am so sorry you're hurting like this.

    It's not easy to feel this way, and I understand how you could feel this way.
    Negative posts never get as many likes as the fun stuff... but have you tried to talk to your friends more directly instead of just posting stuff and waiting for likes or comments?

    Please be kind to yourself, and also know it's okay to cry when you're upset. *hugs*
     
    i'm bad at names likes this.
  3. mpk

    mpk Well-Known Member

    I understand. I have had people who I thought were good friends 25+ years who won't return my call. It is disappointing yet I try not to dwell on it. I don't really have any friends now. I kind of just have to plug along alone.
     
  4. lifetalkz

    lifetalkz Well-Known Member

     
  5. lifetalkz

    lifetalkz Well-Known Member

    A bit of advice from a formerly miserable, suicide obsessed person-I ended up looking at it this way. I gave to myself what no one else would give me. No one loved me-I loved myself. No one cared about me-I cared about myself. I decided to be one of the good guys in my life story, not one of the bad guys. How could I ever be angry at someone for treating me badly when I treated myself worse than they did?
    The crazy thing was-when I stopped waiting for everyone to approve of me (because I'd decided that I approved of myself) suddenly everyone who had abandoned me starting "liking" me again. By then I understood very well, that I didn't "friends" like those anyway. I never talk to any of those people anymore-and honestly, I don't miss them. It's not easy to decide one day to be your own hero-but when you can find it in your heart to do that, nothing is ever the same again.
     
  6. Brian777

    Brian777 Safety and Support Forum Pro SF Supporter

    Hey Candlelight, I'm sorry you're going through this, it seems to be how people are. I don't know if they purposely distance themselves or if they don't know what to say. Sometimes I think that when they are confronted with someone who is homeless, it brings that potential closer to them and they don't want to think about that. I'm not making excuses for them, I just wonder their reasoning for not continuing to interact with you. Personally, I've kind of given up on FB, I was popular when I made them laugh and posted silly jokes etc. But very few "friends" really were friends, they just liked to be entertained. I find the people on this site to be much more "real" suffering has a way of cutting through the superficial persona many project on social networks. I've always taken friendship seriously, meaning I'm with people in good times and bad, the bad times are when it really matters and also shows who your real friends are. I hope you feel better today and that things start to work out for you and your animal friends. Bless you
    Brian
     
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  7. i'm bad at names

    i'm bad at names Active Member

    yes i understand exactly what you are going through TRUST me you are not the only person going through this, actually this website has a link on this type of stuff right here: https://www.suicideforum.com/2016/03/24/facebook-depression-how-dangerous-is-social-media/ I'm the exact same way every single day i just can't stop crying and beating myself up over how alone i am, if it's okay with you, i'd love to be able to talk to you and maybe we can help each other a bit that way ^^
     
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  8. CandleLight

    CandleLight Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the input, guys. And I really appreciate the link from i'm bad at names, I think reading it may be just what I need. And not to be all contrary, but I should emphasize that my happy/ good posts get very little attention, as well. And I feel like I've gotten so burned by the hurt of "no one caring" that I don't post to my wall very much. And when I do, still- nothing. Oh and you know how on Facebook you can very easily just post a quick message for someone's birthday? Well this year it was kind of cool to get some birthday messages, and I went down the messages and responded with a personal note to each one. To one person who said "Happy birthday! We miss you over here in Walnut Creek!" I said something like, "Thank you! Would love to PM so we can meet up out there!" and guess what? No one even responded, after I thanked everyone for the birthday messages that, now I realize, took like two seconds to write.

    It's all quantity over quality, on Facebook. I do go to a particular Facebook group a lot, and at this point because I find it really, really triggering to see the stupid "news feed", I am very careful to click only on my groups and not see the news feed of all the babies, fun trips, parties, and all of that. But I'll accidentally end up at my news feed, and feel pretty awful immediately, even though I was just trying to go to a Facebook support-typed group. It really sucks.

    I should point out, a person I know from mental health treatment seems to give genuine "likes". He doesn't always respond to questions, but he does reach out now and then and in spite of all his own problems, I think he does care about me (and my dog!) :)

    I have noticed, the folks that seem to have pretty smooth lives right now aren't really there for me. But a few people who are also struggling, are trying to keep a connection with me (offline). It makes me feel better. That's one of the reasons I'm here, it's like you guys GET IT.

    So thanks. Thanks for letting me cry but also cheering me on. I isolate myself from the real world, pretty often. So the internet is kind of my only real daily relief. And I don't feel pressured to be a certain way, on here.

    But man, I really hate Facebook.
     
  9. BetrayedSoul

    BetrayedSoul Member

    Forget facebook. I did. Ignore the website, use alternative social media, which would not be just about attention seeking. Because that what irritates me the most. Not to mention that I also get similar feelings to yours whenever I decide to scroll through facebook. To see people you cared about not giving a single thought about your existence, about all the things you have done for them, putting your own needs behind just for their happiness.
     
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  10. CandleLight

    CandleLight Well-Known Member

    Emails can be problematic too, but I just emailed an acquaintance from the barn I board my horse at. She's reached out a few times over the 3-ish years I've had my horse, and I finally figured out that I think she may actually want to be friends and isn't "just being nice". So I sent Leah an email and she says she'll be at the barn this Sunday, and it will be very nice to chat with her then. Here's a person who's actually in my real-world orbit. It's hard not to mourn the loss of some friendships I used to have, and see them moving on just fine with all of their Facebook updates. But I think it would be very good for me to try to make a few new friends. And Leah has an older horse too, and she is down-to-earth, and I feel like I can tell her at least a little about what I'm going through. But mostly I think we would just enjoy chatting. Eventually I might be able to go on a trail ride with her, maybe.

    I do recommend the link above, posted here on SF, regarding Facebook Depression.
     
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  11. MisterBGone

    MisterBGone Well-Known Member

    The thing to keep in mind with fb, is that, you're not getting a very good "glimpse behind the curtain." Sure, some defy this, but generally, they are the exception & not the rule.
     
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  12. Ant

    Ant New Member

    I'm a much happier person when I stay away from Facebook. Even when I'm in a good mood, if I visit Facebook, it just zaps up my happiness, even if there's nothing on Facebook to even make me depressed. It's such a strange thing. I wish someone had a social media formula that equaled happiness, not stress. THAT would be huge.
     
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  13. CandleLight

    CandleLight Well-Known Member

    Well I made myself visit with friends in from out of state, one of them is one of the people who seems to have forgotten about me. But I put in the very difficult effort to see them, because I don't want to later regret it. I probably won't see them for another several years, honestly if at all. And while it was pretty uncomfortable, awkward and sad, all things I will be writing (and crying) about later, I'm glad I did it. I need to be able to be objective and think, "well I tried my best" rather than "if only". And in case you noticed, yeah it's not long after my last post. They literally only spent like an hour and a half with me. I can laugh about it now: they took a lot of pictures. Hey, *I* was even in a couple! *sad laugh* Hahahaha...
     
  14. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    I know how you feel. I don't have many friends on Facebook and don't get on there too often anymore. Lots of times I just see people arguing or being ignorant anyhow, so it's not good for my mental stability. A lot of the news stories are bad too. It's kind of a numbers game, the more friends you have, the more likes you may get. It's become more of a friend collection place than a place to connect. So I would try not to let it reflect too much on you. I know it feels bad when it seems like no one is reading your posts, but we read them here and we do care how you are doing :)
     
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  15. Brian777

    Brian777 Safety and Support Forum Pro SF Supporter

    It is kind of ridiculous when you think of it......Facebook that is.......all I ever see is "bad" news stories....a picture of somebodies dinner or an ugly kid picture :)
    Hey there Candleight and Witty_sarcasm.......we all love you guys here :)
    Brian
     
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  16. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    Aww thanks :) That helps since I feel so bad right now. Sending good wishes to everyone here.
     
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  17. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    Might want to read the article on social media - https://www.suicideforum.com/2016/03/24/facebook-depression-how-dangerous-is-social-media/ -

    Facebook is not a method of real communication- it is highlight reals with a few pics of random things for peopel to mindlessly pass time. I compare it to "Reality TV" where everybody knows it is the most fake fiction tv there is and the only reason to watch it is to try to kill brain cells without the trouble and expense of drugs and alcohol. Nobody reads facebook to see what is really going on with people or for actual thoughtful commentary-0 it is to share a few show off pictures for most to pretend they have a great life and no problems, or for some it is a place to vent about the horrors of politics or social injustice- but in the end nobody takes anything on it seriously. The thing to remember about FB is without it you would not even remember most the name sand certainly would not have heard a single word about most of your "friends" on it for many many years- and your life would not be better or worse for not knowing anything about them because they are not really friends or you wouldn't have to look them up on FB to figure out how to contact them. It is a way to make peopel that years ago were just memories into the some old memories but with an updated pic- still the real value is in reminding you of any good memories of the past, and do nto expect that to mean any ar elooking to make now memories or experiences now or in the future.

    I (and this is just personal opinion I know) believe most peopel would be far better off placing their time and efforts on meeting new peopel and new friends for the future and to do things with, then spending time and emotional energy on peopel from the past that have already moved on and life has made things move apart between them and other friends. Look towards the future, and with old friends stick to a "like" on rare occasion, but like all else, live for the future , not trying to resurrect the past - even with friends. There is some reason they are not involved in your life anymore- doesn't mean is you or your fault or theirs, but things have changed so pretend Fb does not exist and spend 2 minutes thinking about something nice you did in the past with somebody and instead of tracking them down on FB and seeing if they want to do something again treat it like used to be and you had no clue where they were and go to the place you did something fun with them and make a new friend that does want to be there and would be there with you.
     
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  18. CandleLight

    CandleLight Well-Known Member

    NYJmpMaster, that post was really helpful so thank you. I do think meeting actual, CURRENT friends in the REAL WORLD would help me to be less devastated about former/ lost friendships and Facebook. In an earlier post I mentioned Leah at the barn, I really hope she wants to be my friend. I do have some other friends I want to reconnect with, too. Sometimes Facebook can perk me up a little, but it's mostly bad. And nothing beats a REAL talk face to face (or if I don't feel strong enough to do that, talk on the phone). Maybe I can enjoy other people, and they can enjoy me, in real life. I feel so alone but that thought gives me hope.
     
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  19. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    FB is a mixed bag for me its a world I need to be checking in and out of to be updated on stuff in my area and it brings my culture together. Its messed up world we live in and I depend on it to be updated. I know what it is like to be homeless I was for a year and half but not going into details as its your life your thread just know FB has messed up pirorities
     
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  20. lifetalkz

    lifetalkz Well-Known Member

    I agree with all previous posts about FB-it's a joke and a lie. No one ever tells the real truth about anything. I see more truth about the real world on this forum on any given day than I've seen on FB in years. I try not to ever let myself get sucked up into the FB vortex but sometimes it's very hard. I'm reminded of old relationships that didn't end well. I'm always ashamed and wanting to defend myself-then I stop because I know it's all BS anyway. They've hurt people too and let them down. They're no better than I am-life isn't perfect. I really only stay on FB to stay in touch with the very few people who get me. I'm 53 years old and out of my whole life I can count on one hand how many people have always been there for me, through failure and success. I'm thankful for those few people-I carry them with me in my heart always and they keep me sane, even if I haven't been in the same place with them for years.
     
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